Kels

My boyfriend is having financial issues

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My boyfriend is having financial issues

Hey, good evening 

 

Haven't wrote or been on in a while, I always love it here. I love this community :).

I'm having major anxiety for my bf because he is having issues with having steady work as he is an operator, but does not have a "great" job where he gets to work all year round. So his cheques have been coming up short from lack of snow(where I live it's snowy in the winter). And I'm wondering if anyone can read into my energy on this post, or have insight as to why myself am involved but not directly, and how I can overcome it, and maybe help him as well. I hate to see him suffer, and I am too. We don't live together he lives on his own, while his family is far, and I live with my mom still because I am a student. 

 

Thanks guys!

 

 

Kels

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You can't overcome it for him. Only for you. Or by consensus, you both.
I am not the right kind of person to tell you how to be financially free, others I hope will answer with that.

I can only look into your words and see your reliance on him and your family. Just as I do. And I know you have reasons, I know, I know, I know. I do too. 

So maybe think to yourself 'I am having financial issues' or 'we are having financial issues' this would bring it closer to home and somewhere you could do something about. Its more uncomfortable sure, but its more real. If it's not a great job, if you and more importantly he feels that, then it won't be a great job. If he, and again I stress HIM, feels it isn't a great job why doesn't he start looking elsewhere.

Are you sure he doesn't prefer feeling the comfort of familiarity and doing what he knows etc? People stay in crap jobs for all kinds of reasons. I don't know either of you, I have no idea, I just know there is a reason why we stay where we are, and often it relates to fear vs comfort. 

Hope it helps. It is a bit general, and I hope people bring you more solutions. But if you want to take this on, as your financial issues, you'll be attracting more solutions. You probably already know this but anxiety is perfectly natural, especially when we feel we can't change something. We feel 'powerless' about. And yet you have someone like me reflecting back to you that you are 'supposed to change it' :) Is that what it is? You have a powerless feeling and a feeling that you should be doing something? It is a horrible state i've been in a lot, I feel for you, and maybe talking you through this was a way to show it, or show you the opposite if its wrong.

All the best.

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Hi Kels,

It sounds like the anxiety you are feeling is due to the fear that your bf's financial issues will negatively impact your relationship with each other. If you try to fix it for him you run the risk of making him feel dependent, ashamed and resentful toward you. If you don't offer something you risk being seen as cold and uncaring. I am a firm believer that until the pain of being where we are is greater than our fear of change we will continue to wallow in our misery and complain loudly hoping for sympathy and pity that helps us avoid change. The universe may be pushing your bf into a situation where the pain is so great he finally has to do something about his finances. Your mission if you choose to accept it is to be emotionally supportive and encouraging him to find a solution. Support him emotionally but not financially. Lots of tools out there including Teal's YouTube videos on money and prosperity.

I say all this knowing that i don't know either of you but I believe you are both bright, energetic and persistent people who together can find a way. Someone once said to me about work: "find something you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life." I've been blessed with a number of different careers that I've loved. I believe he will too.

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8 hours ago, Mark Joseph Middleton said:

You can't overcome it for him. Only for you. Or by consensus, you both.
I am not the right kind of person to tell you how to be financially free, others I hope will answer with that.

I can only look into your words and see your reliance on him and your family. Just as I do. And I know you have reasons, I know, I know, I know. I do too. 

So maybe think to yourself 'I am having financial issues' or 'we are having financial issues' this would bring it closer to home and somewhere you could do something about. Its more uncomfortable sure, but its more real. If it's not a great job, if you and more importantly he feels that, then it won't be a great job. If he, and again I stress HIM, feels it isn't a great job why doesn't he start looking elsewhere.

Are you sure he doesn't prefer feeling the comfort of familiarity and doing what he knows etc? People stay in crap jobs for all kinds of reasons. I don't know either of you, I have no idea, I just know there is a reason why we stay where we are, and often it relates to fear vs comfort. 

Hope it helps. It is a bit general, and I hope people bring you more solutions. But if you want to take this on, as your financial issues, you'll be attracting more solutions. You probably already know this but anxiety is perfectly natural, especially when we feel we can't change something. We feel 'powerless' about. And yet you have someone like me reflecting back to you that you are 'supposed to change it' :) Is that what it is? You have a powerless feeling and a feeling that you should be doing something? It is a horrible state i've been in a lot, I feel for you, and maybe talking you through this was a way to show it, or show you the opposite if its wrong.

All the best.

Hey thanks for your help:) I really appreciate it

I never thought of it as him staying for comfort, and familiarity. I feel like that is part of it, because each winter this happens. He trys to get work with higher quality companies that do regular work all year round but he cannot seem to do so. It’s like his problem has become mine. I want him to do well because it will make me feel better. Also him, but I think my anxiety comes from more of a selfish place. But his problem is my problem because I am facing these feelings in my reality, I’m just not sure how to connect the pieces as to what is in me to have this going on. Is it me needing to let go and trust and have faith? Because I lack that. 

I want to possibly spend my life with him, but this happening makes me feel uncertain about my future with him because I feel like he can’t make certain headway of what his goals are. I feel very frusterated 😞

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5 hours ago, Pastor George said:

Hi Kels,

It sounds like the anxiety you are feeling is due to the fear that your bf's financial issues will negatively impact your relationship with each other. If you try to fix it for him you run the risk of making him feel dependent, ashamed and resentful toward you. If you don't offer something you risk being seen as cold and uncaring. I am a firm believer that until the pain of being where we are is greater than our fear of change we will continue to wallow in our misery and complain loudly hoping for sympathy and pity that helps us avoid change. The universe may be pushing your bf into a situation where the pain is so great he finally has to do something about his finances. Your mission if you choose to accept it is to be emotionally supportive and encouraging him to find a solution. Support him emotionally but not financially. Lots of tools out there including Teal's YouTube videos on money and prosperity.

I say all this knowing that i don't know either of you but I believe you are both bright, energetic and persistent people who together can find a way. Someone once said to me about work: "find something you love and you'll never have to work a day in your life." I've been blessed with a number of different careers that I've loved. I believe he will too.

Hehe this is so funny because he is so passionate about operating, he loves it, it is like play for him! 

I was quite vague in my post but both you and Mark felt how I was when I wrote the post, super cool :). 

And I do believe the universe is doing exactly what you say, he’s an aries and has a lot of fire in his natal chart so he burns quickly and can be stubborn. All I want is him to figure it out, without me interveining and stepping over boundaries, I want him to be the supporter(traditional male role), and I feel he does too, but aomething in him feels like he can’t or doesn’t deserve to. And it makes me mad because i can’t do anything about that!!!! It’s like for me, it’s about acceptance and letting go, and having trust. 

 

Which is hard :p

 

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4 hours ago, Kels said:

Hehe this is so funny because he is so passionate about operating, he loves it, it is like play for him! 

I was quite vague in my post but both you and Mark felt how I was when I wrote the post, super cool :). 

And I do believe the universe is doing exactly what you say, he’s an aries and has a lot of fire in his natal chart so he burns quickly and can be stubborn. All I want is him to figure it out, without me interveining and stepping over boundaries, I want him to be the supporter(traditional male role), and I feel he does too, but aomething in him feels like he can’t or doesn’t deserve to. And it makes me mad because i can’t do anything about that!!!! It’s like for me, it’s about acceptance and letting go, and having trust. 

 

Which is hard :p

 

Well I am an aries tarus cusp I don't like to give too much of myself in case it isn't right for him.
Which is sort of the wider point :)

A lot of what an aries is, is invalidated in me. Is it in him? Anger, drive, passion, aggression, forward momentum, leading, doing.
I even hesitate here, doubting whether revealing more about myself is going to help him. But that's part of what an aries is as well.

Some people don't like the forceful side of others. They resist it obviously. This isn't wrong or bad it just is what it is. I resist it as well. Self made leaders are a good thing people say, but only when they are leading in their direction :D.  The tarus, or mental aspects of me see's and observes all of this. I have trust issues, with showing the more forceful side of myself, does he? 

So now for the tough questions, how do you invalidate or validate his aries side. Be honest with yourself, no need to post it here. Do you want to encourage that side of him? As a partner? I don't think there is anything wrong at all at looking after our partners, friends, family if they are hurting or you can see they are wanting to be something but conflicted. 

I am not saying do things for him. That's the opposite of an aries, but pointing people at themselves is always, for me very valuable. I don't know him. I don't know how he reacts to it. With fire ;) no doubt, but afterwards if that fire is allowed (not as a doormat as an equal) probably he might react with love. Sometimes it takes a day or so for me to get over myself, but I am a tarus too so I am as stubborn as it gets :D , hopefully your man is easier ha.

All the best.

Edited by Mark Joseph Middleton

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Hahaha!!!! I think I do! I mean thatswhy I fell in love with him. I love Aries men ❤️. I mean I want think I do validate the aries . Can you give examples? 

 

I feel like he trys to exuberate them but attracts experiences that hinder this. I do help him as he comes to me for guidance support as well! And I’m not afraid to tell him like it is ;)(he can handle it). @Mark Joseph Middleton

Edited by Kels

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2 hours ago, Mark Joseph Middleton said:

Be honest with yourself, no need to post it here.

I so hate it when people say this. You are either a friend and participate, or you're not and you don't! If you're not interested in my depth/shadows/whatever, if you're not willing to help, then shut the fucking mouth and don't ask questions just to act smart, not actually wanting any answer or something to learn. Get it? This is how I feel. I wasn't referring just or specifically to you, just that why the fuck are you asking, why the fuck would anyone ask and tell me, keep the answer to yourself. If you are introspective, selfreflective, imaginatory, write a novel/story/journal, don't act as if you participate, if you aren't actually. 

Sorry for the digression. Bye. 

Edited by Mai-da

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23 minutes ago, Mai-da said:

I so hate it when people say this. You are either a friend and participate, or you're not and you don't! If you're not interested in my depth/shadows/whatever, if you're not willing to help, then shut the fucking mouth and don't ask questions just to act smart, not actually wanting any answer or something to learn. Get it? This is how I feel. I wasn't referring just or specifically to you, just that why the fuck are you asking, why the fuck would anyone ask and tell me, keep the answer to yourself. If you are introspective, selfreflective, imaginatory, write a novel/story/journal, don't act as if you participate, if you aren't actually. 

Sorry for the digression. Bye. 

Hey, 

I’m super confused at your post, but I understand you’re upset at what Mark has said. Are you okay? I have taken it completely differently than how you have, if theres any way I can help, let me know 

xoxo

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9 hours ago, Mai-da said:

I so hate it when people say this. You are either a friend and participate, or you're not and you don't! If you're not interested in my depth/shadows/whatever, if you're not willing to help, then shut the fucking mouth and don't ask questions just to act smart, not actually wanting any answer or something to learn. Get it? This is how I feel. I wasn't referring just or specifically to you, just that why the fuck are you asking, why the fuck would anyone ask and tell me, keep the answer to yourself. If you are introspective, selfreflective, imaginatory, write a novel/story/journal, don't act as if you participate, if you aren't actually. 

Sorry for the digression. Bye. 

Where did you get me not wanting an answer.
I say it so people know they don't feel they have to answer a question.

People sometimes feel put on the spot, especially when you are talking to the hurting, powerless bits, and I add that to reassure them. It can be empowering in itself, making that choice. I am not 'acting smart' I am 'being myself'. These are your projections.  Sure I live in head space a lot, you know that, but that's part of me.

Why am I asking the question, to point someone at themselves. There is more to answering though of course, I love the connection, I love being there to help, I love sharing life with people, I love being part of something, even for a brief post or two.
So you've gone through a post of judging what is participating and what isn't participating. Maida you don't get to regulate what people post and what people don't post, to better fit in with your opinion of how they should communicate.  
Were friends and when I talk to you sure, I do think about it, because I am talking to you. But when I am speaking to someone else, it isn't just a reflection of me/you. There are other people involved, people I don't know. So I give the best i've got into uncertainty.

As for not liking how much I write again lol. Tough. :)

 

Edited by Mark Joseph Middleton
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19 hours ago, Kels said:

Hehe this is so funny because he is so passionate about operating, he loves it, it is like play for him! 

I was quite vague in my post but both you and Mark felt how I was when I wrote the post, super cool :). 

And I do believe the universe is doing exactly what you say, he’s an aries and has a lot of fire in his natal chart so he burns quickly and can be stubborn. All I want is him to figure it out, without me interveining and stepping over boundaries, I want him to be the supporter(traditional male role), and I feel he does too, but aomething in him feels like he can’t or doesn’t deserve to. And it makes me mad because i can’t do anything about that!!!! It’s like for me, it’s about acceptance and letting go, and having trust. 

 

Which is hard :p

 

You can do something about that. You can point it out and help him deal with it on a conscious level.

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On 2/13/2018 at 10:14 AM, Kels said:

Hehe this is so funny because he is so passionate about operating, he loves it, it is like play for him! 

What does he do?...

If you want to help him you need to understand what exactly he does😄

Possibly study it yourself))))

Part of the success is honest feedback. Not a general cheer and encouragement which of course has also it's place and time. The best advice or opinion is often given privately without other's eyes and ears. It fuels self-esteem like nothing else.

 

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On 2018-02-14 at 3:24 AM, Pastor George said:

You can do something about that. You can point it out and help him deal with it on a conscious level.

Yea I have many times...I try to be gentle and understanding and supportive too. He says he knows he knows, and that he is working on getting better, but i don’t see progress. 

 

This doesn’t mean he isn’t progressing, but not where I feel he should be. Which again it comes back to me and my ego

On 2018-02-14 at 5:42 PM, Garnet said:

What does he do?...

If you want to help him you need to understand what exactly he does😄

Possibly study it yourself))))

Part of the success is honest feedback. Not a general cheer and encouragement which of course has also it's place and time. The best advice or opinion is often given privately without other's eyes and ears. It fuels self-esteem like nothing else.

 

He is a heavy equipment operator! 

 

He mainly works in backhoes, skidsteers, loaders, and rarely graders. 

 

I have studied it a bit! Kinda confusing because there is so many different types of operating. Where I live though there is only so many choices to choose from. 

There are the “tickets” you can get for 20,000 dollars that allow you to be certified to operate, but it is a liability thing. Most boys where I live that have them at his age are working at the same level, because it all comes down to experience. 

 

It seems like he can’t get ahead :/

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