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Geri

Grieving all of humanity's pasts. Processing loss and grief.

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Grieving all of humanity's pasts. Processing loss and grief.

The past few days I've been feeling grief for personal reasons. There is this feeling though when I look outside and see the world and realize that everyone has a story. Everyone has experienced life just like me. And if I grieve my past in my own individual life then each human has had a past. I was looking at a row of houses and realizing that they've all experienced sadness, grief, loss, happiness, etc. Thinking of my past with my parents. Thinking of my parents pasts. Thinking of all of humanity's pasts. I remember listening to old songs sung by people who have died. They sung about their lives. Centuries and centuries of lives. So much to remember, so much to reminisce that it's overwhelming and fills my heart with loss.

It seems that we create our whole lives just to lose it. I'm having to say goodbye to so much in my past. And one day I will die and say goodbye to everything and everyone in my life. There's just so much loss. 

And it seems the answer may be "focus on the present" and I haven't it seems I was living vicariously through my past. And now that I am saying goodbye to it I am now realizing the present. In the present I am feeling alone. I lack the connection I once felt with others and I'm grieving the past.

How should I go about processing these feelings? I don't want to abandon myself and then have it reflected to me through more loss. Where is the hope in existing just to die?

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Hey! Perhaps you need some inspiration to help you digest your feelings... I was just watching The Ground hog day movie last night... if you had only one day to live every single day what that would look like for you ideally?...

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Hey

I am sorry that you feel such grief and pain

Even though everyone has their story and goes thru similar things there is no one who has felt what you have felt. Your experience is unique, you are unique beyond words

Yes, we feel humanity's grief. We feel on behalf of the people who are not willing to feel and in this way we free humanity. Your role is so important in this

It is not fair, it is too beautiful to be fair. 

If it helps you in any way i want you to know that i also have lost everything, both people and also feelings that i had that were beautiful. I want you to know that i understand how deep it goes and how overwhelming it is. Feel free to feel as deeply as you want, even if that means going to the place of "there is no meaning in this, i just want to be gone". There is absolutely nothing bad that can happen to you as long as you actively allow all this to be expressed thru you, as you. Be this! Be what this pain and grief inspires you to be. Hold nothing back and spend every present moment actively allowing this grief to be as intense as it may, allow yourself to think anything, i mean literally anything, no matter how depressing 

Yes, the purpose of all this is to die, a death that is much more powerful than the physical death. Dying while still having form is a gift. Life's role is to completely demolish us, burning us until there is barely any ash. 

Then rebirth

There is no controlling this and everyone goes thru it in their soul's journey.

You are so beautiful. There are no words for how beautiful and outstanding you are. 

I know it hurts. I feel you. I know that you feel grief that transcends space and time, cultures and millennia. Let your heart be filled with grief until it explodes, let it destroy you and don't fight it. You cannot fight it and you cannot run. I know it is scary and it feels like death. It is death. There is no hope. It is all lost, all the things that you innocently put your hopes in are lost and i am so sorry that it is so. You deserve happiness and freedom. You deserve connection

Maybe the answer is to focus on the present, and in the present we can feel and think anything about the past. That is truly being in the present, really committing to being what you are, what you are is amazing and there is nothing wrong with anything about you. There is nothing wrong with feeling lack, it is okay to feel alone and to not know any better than to abandon yourself

Nothing you ever did was your fault, nothing that happened in the past was your fault. It is not your fault if you abandon yourself. You are now in a very powerful position to escape this terrible matrix of attachment, this web of codependency. Escape it by letting everything be stripped away from you. Hold on to nothing, hope in nothing, try nothing. Let this happen. I will not tell you that this will make you happy, it will not, this IS death and what is after it is for you to discover, it is a path into the unknown. Isn't is exciting? 

Think about it. Do you want to get back the things that you lost? what would you do when you lose it again? it is not sustainable, it is not happiness, it cannot be fulfillment. It was only meant to burn you to ashes

There is no promise of happiness that i can give you, no technique of visualizing anything, only an invitation to go into the unknown, there you can only find yourself and discover yourself like never before. You are magnificent

All you have to do is sit still and survive this no matter how much it rips away from you. It cannot take what you are deep down, at your core. What you are is indestructible because it is no thing, not separate, it is the fabric of things, the loving space in which miracles unfold.. the miracle of life and death. There is so much love

You are dearly loved every single moment of your existence. Let ease guide you

You are doing great, your role is essential

I wish you much joy, happiness and fulfillment!

Edited by Matei
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12 hours ago, Matei said:

If it helps you in any way i want you to know that i also have lost everything, both people and also feelings that i had that were beautiful. I want you to know that i understand how deep it goes and how overwhelming it is. Feel free to feel as deeply as you want, even if that means going to the place of "there is no meaning in this, i just want to be gone". There is absolutely nothing bad that can happen to you as long as you actively allow all this to be expressed thru you, as you. Be this! Be what this pain and grief inspires you to be. Hold nothing back and spend every present moment actively allowing this grief to be as intense as it may, allow yourself to think anything, i mean literally anything, no matter how depressing 

Hey I liked your response. I am no longer feeling the grief as intensely as when I wrote this post, but I remember it. It almost felt like truth, and like I was aware of the present moment, but also the hopeless in the present moment. Right now the severity of it has passed (I don't know if it will come back or not again.) but it feels like I'm back in the daze of day to day existing. I've been waking up with a hint of the grief in the morning then throughout the day I guess I forget it some. I have let myself embrace the grief and I feel I have processed some of it. 

That hopelessness felt like truth. And now I feel like I'm back asleep again not fully realizing/experiencing truth of existence. But the thing is I am ignorant. It seems that all that is true from the perception of being a human being is hopelessness and/or grief. But all I remember is this human form. I don't know if I've truly experienced anything else, or if there was a purpose in becoming a human. All I have is science to work with. All I have is the "third dimension" and the study of it. Should I embrace the art of existence and have as much fun expressing myself on the painted canvas of earth? Or is art just a human construct unbiased-ly explainable by science?

I have this philosophy where it would be better if nothing at all existed if there is such thing as suffering and ignorance of that suffering. But I have come to this conclusion from my human perspective. How serious should I take this life? All I have to work with seems to lead me to the truth of hopelessness. Is there hope in dying? Maybe I am just not someone who can let myself lack self awareness enough to not realize the truth of existing as a human. But it seems I am here because of that ignorance of what living as a human really is. And it seems I have discovered that this is not wanted. And that there is no point is evolving here. That there is no point in holding onto hope that the future will be better, because we should stop procreating.

I want connection, but what is connection? Could it just be explained by science? Is there a point in being connected other than to feel better in this hopelessness of humanness? Should I just embrace existing on earth for everything that it is? Embrace the pain, embrace the loss, embrace the pleasure, embrace the feeling of connection, embrace the fear, embrace the hopelessness, embrace the ignorance, embrace the hope, embrace being human? Should I be the expression of art on a canvas? Should I see pain as a mere paint stroke painted by source? Or is that just my mind playing tricks on me to feel better existing? Is that just my mind coming to heal my emotional wounds involuntarily like a scab would form over a cut? Is hope and a will to live just a scientific human trait to keep us alive and existing? Am I truly more than my brain and the physical?

Am I just fooling myself by being hopeful, or am I fooling myself by being pessimistic? It seems pessimism is the truth in this human form, and the human form is all I have to work with.

Edited by Geri
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