Gogo.o

Can you still be friends with someone you envy?

7 posts in this topic

Can you still be friends with someone you envy?

Hi guys, 

I have a close dear friend that for 7 years that i've known i've been envying her for her energy, experience, detachment and lucidity. I've been intimidated by her and i know that envy and dear friend do not go well together but im only admitting this now. I've always blamed myself for it and pushed it under the covers because i always felt that i have a lot to learn from this person and do care deeply for her for the way she helped me along the way. I felt bad about feeling it and i ended up hiding stuff from her because i feared judgement. She accused me of inauthenticity. My question is: Can you still be friends/close (emotionally) with someone that  you have these feelings towards? I know its me, my lack of self esteem, the fact that i consider her better, my own issues. But i've always felt like every man, once they knew her, would forget about me. Do you tell someone these feelings? And being on the receiving end, wouldnt it be unconfortable that your way of being intimidates your friend?

Thank youu :)

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I have this exact same problem. I can't stop comparing myself to her and look out for the ways people notice her and not me and when I find them add them to reasons why I should feel defeated. I really think this leads back to issues of self worth that my mum made me feel where she always told me or made me feel that there was something I needed to be doing to improve or to reach a standard. And now I've found my standard lol.

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Hey Gogo.. You can be friends with whoever you want, but most importantly, be your own friend first, develop a relationship with yourself. I agree you should consider your feelings of lack of self worth, and see where THEY are stemming from. Also, until we reunite with ourselves, we create delusional relationships, where we idolize the relationship, or the partner him/herself. This can cause pain when we realize it had nothing to do with the reality of how we feel, or the reality of the relationship itself. 

But you can be friends with whoever you want. Our emotions are not what/who we ultimately are. 

<3 

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Thank you Mai-da! I am aware that these are my issues. We triggered each other a lot during our friendship.  And i have a heavy way of expressing myself. I find it difficult to express myself in an assertive way, i freeze when i am confronted and need to be fully relaxed to be lucid and make sense, she is the other way around. We bumped heads a lot on this topic. Her assertive way of being making my jealousy stronger accompanied by my inability to recognize my lacks (i'm a Leo...my ego is easily hurt) and to acknowledge my strengths in conversation. So i always felt like i'm going to loose, no matter what i do. Loose = she's always going to have the best argument, i'm going to enter my pattern of freezing when approached in an aggressive way (and she is the kind to do that). So how do you guys, that have this difficulty to express your feelings handle these situations?

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Somehow I see that issue is you trying to reach her and her ways, trying to unfreeze, that's also the Leo maybe, always trying to be compatible and competitive while we are very sensitive, so I suggest feel that vulnerability and express that, instead resisting the freezing, feel the fear, go with it, literraly go with it. She is going to continue being aggessive as long as you don't face your vulnerability and incapacity and maybe express that. I just suggest do not try to reach her capability, everyone is capable for different stuff, you are capable maybe more of empathizying with people, she is more capable of individual accomplishments, I don't know just throwing examples... 

Also you want to be lucid. Who tells you you need to be lucid? Who asks that from you? We are human. We are very often not lucid. :)

You want to express, you want to succeed, you want to unfreeze, all but wanting to be yourself, or better, being yourself 

So why not loose? Loose. Leo's are wise zodiacs. We understand games and we loose, because we are on the wisdom spectrum - no need for fights, no need for mean games, or you understand love is above everything. And we also ideolize 

You are just way too forgiving. Toughen yourself. Leos fight, growl a bit, roar, maybe you like her too much you don't want to fight 

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On 2/6/2018 at 6:12 PM, Mai-da said:

You are just way too forgiving. Toughen yourself. Leos fight, growl a bit, roar, maybe you like her too much you don't want to fight 

I feel that i've been pushing on my negative emotions. Not accepting them, thinking i am bigger than my negative emotions. Being so attentive on what i what to improve on myself i ended up paying too much attention on how i'm doing things wrong so to correct them. This whole going in process feels very sensitive. It's a struggle i have inside that is saying: " screw this....i do stuff correctly, i trust my method, i do stuff my own way...but i want/need validation. I apparently want someone i trust to tell me...yeah...good thinking. You did good". When the other side happens, i am told i am not seeing the correct way, i am not aware of my surroundings to help me make better decisions, this gets me the most". This blurs my thoughts, i no longer have clarity because i am not seeing what the people i trust see....if this makes sense. 

If i have the validation of someone i trust...i am ok. I can confront the rest...but if i am on my own in my beliefs....i loose my selfworth.

Edited by Gogo.o

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