amandapanda

Completely overwhelmed by basic self care needs

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Completely overwhelmed by basic self care needs

Does anyone else have this issue??

Whenever I live by myself I become overwhelmed after a time. I ignore basic needs like cooking enough food for myself ( i have to eat a special diet), cleaning, errands, 

etc. I begin to avoid going out too.

I am very hard on myself because I think that an adult "should" be able to handle the basic day-to-day of life. I find myself envying Teal, because she has been able to find

a "family" that helps her with basic daily things and help her to achieve her goals in life, even with her PTSD and the effects of past trauma. I can't use that excuse that I was abused but I often feel that I act like someone who had severe trauma. The only trauma I know is one that happened in my adulthood at 26. 

Anyway, I wonder if anyone else has struggles with having enough energy to take care of themselves, motivation, and self neglect.

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Hello 

I have really hard time functioning on a physical level too. What I found was that all my energy was and still is sustaining a too heavy load emotionally and mentally. Any attempt to do more always leads me to emotional breakdowns. Time after time my spirit showed me how anxious and tense I really was. For the longest I could not understand why I had resistance towards the things I wanted. After exploring this I found that I really wanted relief because I was constantly feeling this paralysis like tension related to fear. I did not feel safe at home so this fear makes sense to me. Basically this tension is my way of controlling things, like if I am tense then I am prepared for bad things. I don't know if this helps if it resonates or if you have something similar going but all the best to you.

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Yes me too!!

I move around and travel periodically, and I’m usually the most functional when I have just moved to a new place. Then I slowly stop being functional and gradually “rot” alone at home... When I walk on the streets and watch people I wonder how they function like that. I sleep at 4am and wake up at 2pm, I barely see sunlight in winter. I’m also struggling with career and relationships so it doesn’t help the daily self care thing. I just wonder all the time, why is it so hard to follow a routine like this: wake up before noon, make breakfast, work, socialize, relax at home, dinner, sleep. I’m a freelancer so maybe that’s partly why... I also feel very removed from society.

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On 1/22/2018 at 5:12 PM, amandapanda said:

Whenever I live by myself I become overwhelmed after a time

...... now imagine what's it like when you are in a relationship and/ or have a family... it is even MORE! 

Our ability to take care of ourselves and possibly others most likely to align us with people who can also take care of us. 

People who seem like take care of themselves religiously are also addicted to feeling good. Skip 1-2 days and the difference is enormous. That's what motivates to bounce back. 

 

 

 

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Hi Amanda, 

good to see you back,

yes adults ,,should" that's trap no1. 

I'm sure you're on right for your diet,  what I do trying to do something that makes me joy, telling my legs to bring me out for a walk or cycling, magically works  book shop, spending hours on vintage music research, inspirational speeches, googling for places ever wanted to visit, yes and I do researches how other people cope with similar symptoms, also I found my self on spectrum so studying that way.  We some how linked to look upwards only but didn't realising is people around with worst health or living conditions then we are. Yours reality is what your thinking, so create deliberately care list to your self to think, to do, to feel, to eat, to watch, to listen and do that. 

 best wishes

 

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*raises hand*

Higher guidance has shown me that getting in touch with my body will solve this issue, but it isn't easy for me.  Guess I'll see how the future goes.

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2 minutes ago, candie.mcmullen said:

*raises hand*

Higher guidance has shown me that getting in touch with my body will solve this issue, but it isn't easy for me.  Guess I'll see how the future goes.

yes, this resonates... i can see how this would help. it is so hard though. especially when its become second nature to ignore the bodies signals. please keep me posted on how it goes. 

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Actually, I meant this in a sexual way, but I didn't post that part.  Probably because I'm being my natural prudish self.

... If I ever find someone/people who are capable of making me feel safe, valued, and loved, then maybe it will happen some day....

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27 minutes ago, candie.mcmullen said:

Actually, I meant this in a sexual way, but I didn't post that part.  Probably because I'm being my natural prudish self.

... If I ever find someone/people who are capable of making me feel safe, valued, and loved, then maybe it will happen some day....

ah well, I think it still applies! Getting in touch with our need for touch! 

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2 minutes ago, amandapanda said:

ah well, I think it still applies! Getting in touch with our need for touch! 

I'm finding that most people only want sex and aren't willing to work towards helping someone feel safe and valued.  When I say "safe" I truly mean making me feel as though nothing can harm me in any way.  A lot of guys have it in their head that giving me a sensual massage and kissing the lower half of my body will make me feel "safe".  I think it's disgusting.  This is why I'm a recluse.  I'm not proud of being a recluse, but I don't like the idea of someone doing that to my body, either.  Not one bit.  In fact, touch doesn't seem to feel the same to me as it does to other people, so if anyone wants to touch me, they have a lot of work to do.  Maybe my nervous system isn't set up like other peoples'.  I don't know.

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Sometimes I just feel that I want people to help me. Do simple things. Yes, I CAN do them myself. But I feel drained, tired and exhausted by doing these things. I am not lazy either, because I can work very hard on things when I am passionate about a project or if it is something I excel at that other people aren't as good at. 

I also like being independent so It frustrates me to feel so dependent on others doing things for me in order for me to feel good.

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I also like being independent so It frustrates me to feel so dependent on others doing things for me in order for me to feel good.

 

It's great that you bring this up because I feel like I have made progress in this area.  Perhaps it isn't much ... since I feel deeply ashamed of having disability income and not having a job, therefor not being totally independent in a world that demands people to be totally "on there own" ... but at the same time, I had an intense set of experience in my life that taught me to be more willing to let people help me and support me.  It was minor, but a step in the right direction.  There is a piece of me, or perhaps piece of me that feel as though they are cared for.  I can't say that this need is completely met, for me because I think it's not, but I do think that this is definitely a benefit in my life.  ... Not much, but it's something.

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Just now, candie.mcmullen said:

I'm finding that most people only want sex and aren't willing to work towards helping someone feel safe and valued.  When I say "safe" I truly mean making me feel as though nothing can harm me in any way.  A lot of guys have it in their head that giving me a sensual massage and kissing the lower half of my body will make me feel "safe".  I think it's disgusting.  This is why I'm a recluse.  I'm not proud of being a recluse, but I don't like the idea of someone doing that to my body, either.  Not one bit.  In fact, touch doesn't seem to feel the same to me as it does to other people, so if anyone wants to touch me, they have a lot of work to do.  Maybe my nervous system isn't set up like other peoples'.  I don't know.

I don't think you are unusual in needing lots of help feeling safe and valued before sex. Honestly I'm EXSACTLY the same.  I was lucky my first boyfriend took A million years to get to know me and we were friends and took things really really slow. But dating and sex in the recent years.. o my god. Men have no idea how to treat women. You probably do have a different nervous system - most likely you are an Highly sensitive person  ( me too!).  I am focusing on manifesting a guy who will take his time again like my first boyfriend, so I feel safe. Sadly, I had 2 or 3 experiences after him that weren't so positive and were slightly truamatizing.... Will have to work on not generalizing them to ALL men. 

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Well, I have to admit that 1.) I'm young, and 2.) I've not seriously dated anyone in my life before.  I'm 27.  The idea that cropped up in my head ─ it's said that "daughters marry their fathers" ─ that men have a particularly selective focus in this world, that which is probably very different from woman's focus.  The male "focus" is that of sex, food, and structure.  Women, on the other hand, are completely different, but hey, there are women out there who seem to have the libido of a "man", so I don't know what to think.  Maybe my way of thinking has a strong sexist bent because of how I was raised, which I'm not proud of one bit because I know it's toxic.  My family is toxic.  My parents are toxic, but I love them, and they are all I have in this world at this point in my life.  That's not an exaggeration.

What have the men in your life done to make you feel completely safe and how did they get to know you?  Are you OK with sharing details?  If you want, you can message me if it's too private to share ─ IF you want to share at all.  Either is fine with me.

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Hi, I completely have this issue 100%, but i don't care at all.

I live alone so it's nobody's business how i live or what i do. I almost never cook lately, when i did cook few months ago it was because i wanted to. I don't do what i don't want to (apart from my work because i haven't figured that one out yet). And i also clean just when i want to. All for me :)

I see it kinda as a waste of time, but this is my personal view on my own life.  I feel like i'm overwhelmed with my life in general so i don't bother doing stuff which is not honestly important to me.

Comparing yourself to the "other adults" is not really helpful i think, because we all have different core commitments.

And, you're not defined by what you do. This is just the place where you're at right now. You don't know where you are going to be a few years later. You don't do these things because obviously they're not your highest priority right now and that's completely fine.

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