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Perfectionism/flawlessness

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Why do I try to be perfect all the time? whatever I do I want it to be perfect and if something goes wrong I want to correct that so badly. How can I change this habit? I have been a people pleaser perhaps it is where this is stemming from? I would really appreciate your feedback as I want to break this habit

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We are all perfect who are also works in progress. Perfectionism is a type of OCD which is a anxiety disorder where you perceive something that is not part of your perfect preconceptions as imperfect.  What you need to do is let go of being too controlling and stop expecting too much.

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We are all perfect and adding to perfection.

I'm like that too I see me as perfect but I still keep adding to, altering and transforming myself.  I strive to be more perfect.

See the problem isn't wanting to be perfect its not accepting the times when you don't reach the heights you strive for.

If its apart of you then changing it will be impossible you'll only be able to suppress it which causes internal conflict.

If its not apart of you then it'd be a habitual response born most likely from the pain self inflicted or inflicted by others when you fail or do less well than expected.  

The only way to deal with that is what they call 'shadow work'.  

You'd have to find out why you want to be perfect first then go from there.

 

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"Perfect is the enemy of Good" 

As long as you strive for perfection you will be a spiral of failure and despair. Teal did a video on spiritual perfectionism. Chronic people pleasing arises from a diminished view of self. Shadow work would be beneficial here. If you have OCD that's a different matter, that's a mental issue that takes a different method of treatment all together. I don't hold the view we are all perfect, a simple look around shows that isn't so. If it was there wouldn't be the need in your mind for correction you would recognize everything was as it was supposed to be. 

Ask yourself, why do you want things to be perfect? What need will that serve in you? If everything isn't perfect what does that mean? If that's true why is that so bad? (Stole from our beloved Teal there <3) 

I would start there :)

 

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5 minutes ago, authorofdarkness said:

"Perfect is the enemy of Good" 

As long as you strive for perfection you will be a spiral of failure and despair. Teal did a video on spiritual perfectionism. Chronic people pleasing arises from a diminished view of self. Shadow work would be beneficial here. If you have OCD that's a different matter, that's a mental issue that takes a different method of treatment all together. I don't hold the view we are all perfect, a simple look around shows that isn't so. If it was there wouldn't be the need in your mind for correction you would recognize everything was as it was supposed to be. 

Ask yourself, why do you want things to be perfect? What need will that serve in you? If everything isn't perfect what does that mean? If that's true why is that so bad? (Stole from our beloved Teal there <3) 

I would start there :)

 

What's OCD?  

Also another question.

Do you believe we are all flawed?  

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1 minute ago, Yamanu said:

What's OCD?  

Lol 

I had the same reaction in my mind :D

Do we have to label it medically?

The only way i found for myself to deal with "imperfections" is to fall in love with what some may consider as "ugly", strange, weird, etc.

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1 minute ago, Garnet said:

Lol 

I had the same reaction in my mind :D

Do we have to label it medically?

The only way i found for myself to deal with "imperfections" is to fall in love with what some may consider as "ugly", strange, weird, etc.

I really don't know what OCD is lol.

I've never believed in all that categorized medical mumbo jumbo so that caused me to not pay attention to their labels.

Your right about that falling in love with perceived imperfection.

I used to hang out with the less attractive kids and less smart ones in school.  

Its just something about a work in progress that I love to watch and help usher forward.  

It was fun to see them find out they just have a different kind of smarts and beauty and they eventually open up like flowers.

It was weird though cause after they would get their self esteem up I would randomly say something that would seriously upset some of them and not know why I said it.

I have a theory on that to which is that those people needed to be tested at that point and who better than the person who accepted them in the beginning.

Most of them I made up with after lol the ones that gave me the chance to.
@Teena

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10 minutes ago, Yamanu said:

 

I used to hang out with the less attractive kids and less smart ones in school.  

Its just something about a work in progress that I love to watch and help usher forward.  

It was fun to see them find out they just have a different kind of smarts and beauty and they eventually open up like flowers.

Yes! My bff's and and good friends are like that! 

In my country we say, show me who your friends are and i tell you who you are :D

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@authorofdarkness thank you it is helpful didnt't know about Teal's video I will check that. Sometime ago I wrote this as part of the shadow work but it seems like I have missed something. Thank you it is a good and simple point to start with.

@KalkiI don't have OCD. I don't expect too much but I'm open for receiving.  Yes I am controlling at times. People have controlled me overly therefore I am scared of been controlled so as a shield I try to be the one to control. With the awareness I have been able to shed some light on that shadow. 

 @Yamanu

36 minutes ago, Yamanu said:

If its apart of you then changing it will be impossible you'll only be able to suppress it which causes internal conflict.

That is a issue because this is something that comes naturally to me perhaps striking a balance would be great. How can I find out it is not motivated by a shadow?

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@Garnet 

20 minutes ago, Garnet said:

The only way i found for myself to deal with "imperfections" is to fall in love with what some may consider as "ugly", strange, weird, etc.

I actually practiced this with some of my other imperfections but didn't keep a track of how it all worked out lol definitely I remember Teal saying that there is positive intention behind negative emotion (if I quote it correctly) so have to follow that on youtube. lot of work to do lol. Thank you yes I am not OCD 

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36 minutes ago, Yamanu said:

What's OCD?  

Also another question.

Do you believe we are all flawed?  

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a mental disorder recognized in the DSM 5. I work in the mental health field and have dealt with it in varying degrees from quirky to debilitating. 

I've worked with clients who have been beaten and forced to have sex over and over with their siblings by their parents, yes people are flawed.... it destroys the heart to see how flawed people are ;(

Edited by authorofdarkness

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@authorofdarkness Thank you for explaining that

14 minutes ago, authorofdarkness said:

I've worked with clients who have been beaten and forced to have sex over and over with their siblings by their parents, yes people are flawed.... it destroys the heart to see how flawed people are ;(

oh that is said :( it is a bliss to be able to help those people and we are so fortunate to have you here :)

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23 minutes ago, Teena said:

@authorofdarkness thank you it is helpful didnt't know about Teal's video I will check that. Sometime ago I wrote this as part of the shadow work but it seems like I have missed something. Thank you it is a good and simple point to start with.

@KalkiI don't have OCD. I don't expect too much but I'm open for receiving.  Yes I am controlling at times. People have controlled me overly therefore I am scared of been controlled so as a shield I try to be the one to control. With the awareness I have been able to shed some light on that shadow. 

 @Yamanu

That is a issue because this is something that comes naturally to me perhaps striking a balance would be great. How can I find out it is not motivated by a shadow?

If its natural to you then its a force you cultivated for driving forward your evolution.  

You already answered the question lol.

However it sounds as though you may have had done harsh experiences with not reaching quota or things happening you couldn't accept that you had no control over or that you didn't act at the turning point you saw that could've altered the outcome.

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17 minutes ago, authorofdarkness said:

Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is a mental disorder recognized in the DSM 5. I work in the mental health field and have dealt with it in varying degrees from quirky to debilitating. 

I've worked with clients who have been beaten and forced to have sex over and over with their siblings by their parents, yes people are flawed.... it destroys the heart to see how flawed people are ;(

I see...Let me ask another question.

To comfort someone who feels they aren't enough would you tell them in some way they are fine as they are?

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