Lavende

I wish I had cancer

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I wish I had cancer

My health is not existing basically. I suffer from chronic pain - the condition it's called vulvodynia, because of the pain I can't really leave home. I spend whole day in my room, trying to kill time somehow to survive another day.  I am extremely lonely and I feel abandoned. I try to do everything to make myself feel a little bit better, but nothing seems to work. Instead, it's getting worse.I have terrible problems with digestion, can't eat much really. Most of my teeth recently developed cavities, and because of the lack of proper nutrition it seems to get worse every single day. Every day I ask myself how is it possible that I am still living, dragging myself through life every minute of my day.  I dream about angels healing me or someone rescuing me from the pain I'm in.

I've been drawn 2 days ago to watch a movie "The fault in our stars", it's about teenagers suffering from cancer. I liked it. Yesterday I was thinking about cancer and I was comtemplating if maybe I have cancer, because of the way I feel and the fact that it;s getting worse, not better. And discovered that I would feel relief If I actually had cancer. I want to be terminally ill. I think it would actually set me free. I feel my body is dying anyway, but part of me still keeps trying to resolve the situation. I wish this part would agree on dying.

So... can I manifest cancer or other terminall ilness if I want to? Or is my future fated in a way...?

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Hey Lavende... I want to say some stuff here because I had maybe similar issue and also thought of attracting an illness as a form of (direct) suicide. 

When I was in puberty and early teens, I had burning in my vulva for like 3 years. Doctors didn't know what it was, I had no inflammation, but it was a constant pain. It was awful. I remember writing in journals, praying to god for it to end, because it was awful. I couldn't do anything because of the pain. Doctors were saying there is nothing, and that that kind of condition affects around 0.5% of the female population in the world. It didn't have a name then, and maybe this is the same condition. It lasted for around 3 years, and i was begging for it to end, and i was kind of hoping that it ends with my first period. And it did. With my first period, burning stopped. I was so happy, so happy, still am. Until this day, I am cautious when it comes to that area, because i have the same pain when I go bare-feet in winter for example, or I am simply cold on feet. But this time, it is rather just a cold. But I instantly get it, so I am careful. 

I just read about the condition, and though it says it can prevent the person from doing normal activities, it is not terminal, it doesn't last all your life, right. What I read.

I would like to know, how old are you?

Regarding the manifestation of illness, I have noticed several times in my life, i am quite good at that. I actually caused bleeding from anus, caused lump in breast, and all sorts of things, when I was in a really low state, thinking really bad about everything, myself, my condition, where i was, everything. Very low state. I remember for the bleeding of anus I was pretty sure something will happen before it even happened. Because I felt my body quitting and my spirit too damaged in a way. What I am saying I was aware enough to know, I am dying. So, to me, it IS possible to manifest WITH AWARENESS, illness. Just that as soon as you are aware, like you are here from what i read/see, you have your spirit still beside you and the sense of the whole irony in it all. What i first wanted to write here on this to you was, everything happens for a reason. You just have to find the reason behind this happening to you. what is the reason your spirit has put you in this perspective/position? It always thinks good for us, so, what is the positive intention behind it? there must be a positive let's say, reason for this.

I would like to know your age maybe too

Love,

M

p.s. after some time, i think i am positive it's not the same, i did however move and stuff, though it was hurting *

Edited by Mai-da

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Thank you for reply. I am 21, althought I often say that I feel like 7 :)  I believe that is when the most trauma occured in my life, so that aspect is huge.

Oh yes, I contemplated on why this is happening and what it is giving me, and I know that for example comparing my life full of suffering to an average life with less suffering, I must say it taught me so many things about myself and life in general.. but the level of suffering is so high I am just exhausted. 

Thank you again for telling me your story. 

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2 hours ago, Lavende said:

I wish I had cancer

now you have 2 more wishes. I'm joking

Thankfully we live in the age of information and anyone could be educated in whatever area they want to learn and learn from the people who did do the world and learn what they know, like caring the torch n a way. We also have a heart which is your GPS in life designed just for you and if you follow it you will get the answers to all your questions. We live in a collective consciousness that is still ignorant when it comes to physical illness and because the subconscious is so strong it just agrees to that current belief everyone believes in subconsciously, because we couldn't possibly know from within what's the cause of our issues or root of the trauma all that. The body itself is intelligent but your soul is in this body right? there is memory attached to your body, so you can have all this soul awareness but still the body has memory in it, emotional trauma causing it to do this. Most illness is from the sympathetic nervous system and parasympathetic nervous system which is the stress chemicals and the fight, flight, or freeze state the bodies does, because we live In a fucking stupid society when it comes to emotional trauma we just assume these illnesses are random, but there is a core trauma behind it, behind most of them. And the subconscious has this confirmation bias and cognitive dissonance going on, the nocebo affect in play. Also this whole system has like a subconscious programming over it, legally people outside of that doing alternative medicine have to say go see a doctor. then they go back In the brain and subconscious and stop listening to their heart GPS guiding them beyond all the noise of this place still believing western medicine is superior and there couldn't possibly be another solution. Yes they can fix bones but are horrible at the root cause of illness from emotional trauma or your ancestors trauma passed down to you attached to this body.

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