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Repressed memories

My topic is repressed sexual abuse. I know for a various number of reasons, that I was sexually abused as a child. I would reenact, or do and behave in such inappropriate ways that still disturb me today, not as much now that I’ve actually discussed it a couple times with my therapist and with my mother. I would do so on my own and on two separate times in my childhood with two different girls, not knowing HOW wrong it was but enough to know that we should hide it, but I do not know where I learned these things. And after watching an interview about Teal’s story and she mentions children who will repetitively do things. I won’t get into detail, so as to get to the point of my question, which is should I dig for these or let them organically come up if they do at all? My therapist suggested this. It’s not like I really want to know and have my world shattered, it’s just,  could I not benefit not in the long term from it from by getting a better understanding. The thing about me is, I’ll jump into the fire no matter how painful if I know there’s light, because there always is, it’s always better after. So yea what do you guys think? Organically or dig? 

Edited by Annistacia

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Hey Annistacia, I find myself in a a very similar situation. It’s not an easy one to be in. It’s really scary and parts of you want to know and other parts of you don’t. I don’t like to run from things, but at the same time this is a huge thing and you don’t want to push yourself to far to quickly either. This situation could prove to be very traumatic. I don’t think there is anything wrong with either approach. I think you might even find doing both helps. Trying to find answers in ways that feel the safest to you, and at the same time taking a break and giving yourself space to allow answers to come in if things feel like to much. There is no right or wrong way to go about this. Just keep feeling into yourself during this process see if in the moment it feels right to dig deeper, if not take some time and give yourself a break. Really learn how to taken good care of yourself. If you really aren’t sure, talk to your therapist, some trusted friend or family (who truly have your best interest at heart). Most importantly yourself, this isn’t something to be rushed. It’s something to take extreme care with. You never know what could come up and you want to really learn your boundaries and respect yourself fully along the way. It could cause huge shifts in your life and you want to be ready to change with those shifts if necessary. Take it one day at a time, sometimes even moment by moment, breathe, and learn to trust your instincts. I hope this helped and that you find what you need along your journey. 

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