JoelC

Self Love Process (How To Connect With Yourself)

4 posts in this topic

Hello everybody,

I recently joined the site and am eager to get immersed in the community and make some new friends through this platform. I have been watching Teal's videos since my senior year of high school, so that is about 3 years now. Anyway, some time ago Teal posted a video on her channel about how to connect with yourself (its title is the title of this post). It is about doing mirror work. I found today to be a good opportunity to do it, and so I finally took the chance. I was planning to keep a journal of my experiences with this, but I am deciding to challenge myself by posting about my experiences here.

I have a body mirror hanging on my door. I bought it a month or two ago just for this process when the video was uploaded, but since then I have been avoiding actually doing it. Before starting, I cleaned my room and then I wanted to watch the video to refresh myself on how it works, but I decided I was just stalling and I just decided to go with it. I finally finished reading Teal's latest book (Shadows Before Dawn) recently and decided it was time to own up to how I feel. Anyway, I took off all my clothes, sat the chair in front of the mirror, and scooted up my chair so my knees were touching the door (to make it as if my knees were touching the knees of my reflection). I took several deep breaths and just stared into my own eyes. The first wall I encountered was fear. We were both afraid. I let him know I was afraid too and that I was here. The next wall my vision started to get cloudy a little and I was starting to see my face in gritty detail. It wasn't ugly, but there were "blemishes." My face started to become distorted, deformed even.My face then transformed into an older face. My hair even appeared gray-- like the color of an ash coating. This image would come and go, as if pulsing. There came a moment when the image of my old face was strong enough that it felt as if I were looking exactly at how I will look when I am old, but the face wasn't completely recognizable as my own. When that wall passed, I encountered a wall that my reflection was using to hide itself from me. At first, it was that my entire face would blur out, making me appear faceless. A lot of the time it was mainly my upper face (from the nasolabial crease and up) that would cloud up and disappear before me. Other times the face would disappear, but it would be distorted around the eyes, and I could see a glimpse of my dark brown eyes. It looked as if someone had poured acid on my eyes. I decided to start talking to my reflection out loud. I let him know that I was not going anywhere and that I wanted to try to reconnect with him. I became conscious of how I had abandoned myself and hurt myself. I was telling my reflection that I was trying this for him because he is all I have, and if I lose him then I'll be all alone. I started crying as I told him this. I apologized and asked him to forgive me. I told him I understand if he doesn't want to forgive me right now and if he doesn't want to trust me yet. I understand why he wouldn't and I let him know that I was going to try for him. After the emotion was felt (it passed quickly; I did not need to cry for long) the wall my face was using to hide behind was now only covering his eyes. Everything else about the face was clear, but the eyes were masked. I waited for him to respond, and he did by covering his whole face again. I received understanding that he was not ready at the time to let me enter. I told him I'd wait for him to be ready and that I understood him and I just stayed there with him for some time. I tried using love to melt myself through the wall, but it was not working.I just continued to wait and wait there, to let him know I wasn't going to easily give up.After some time, I felt the exercise had gone as far as it was going to be able to go for today, and so I took another deep breath and thanked him anyway. I let him know I was going to return and that I wasn't going to give up on him, and I thanked him again. After that, I sat with him for a bit of time, and then got up out of the chair and put my clothes back on.

I plan to post one of these each time I do this process. 

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You're doing wonderful Joel. I had very similar experience as well. Took me a while to figure out that when I see the images like you described on my face out of focus, it's my inner self communicating with me

Edited by Collide

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I just did this for the first time yesterday. Fear was also my first wall. My mouth blurred away and I realized that She feels like she doesn't have a voice, or has a deep fear of speaking her true feelings and emotions. Very powerful, thanks for sharing your experience. I look forward to reading more. 

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I just did "Connect with yourself" process from the video, and i had very similar experience to JoelC. I also saw my face change into an old face a few times throughout the process, with ache-like pale look, at times it looked like someone poured acid on it too, it looked scary. There was time it kept on changing colour back and forth like a chameleon going from ugly green to ugly red. At times it looked patchy like allergic reaction. And other times i saw extreme sadness, fear, distrust, panic and uncertainty. I talked to myself reassuring, apologising, comforting and allowing space. Does anyone know why face changes like that? What is the meaning or purpose? What is it trying to show me by changing? In Teal's video she mentioned that it was a test to see if she would run away. Is it what it is? I think perhaps my chameleon face was telling me how I adopted other's values and beliefs to fit in and try to belong..

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