Ronja Tarkanmäki

Psychosis or spiritual awakening?

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Psychosis or spiritual awakening?

Hi guys!

This is something that I've been thinking about a lot during the last couple of years, and I would like to hear from anyone who's gone through similar experiences, or has any insight on this topic.

I had just turned 17, when whilst visiting my step father in the Netherlands I was diagnosed with a psychosis. The doctors said it was a cannabis induced psychosis. But I didn't believe them. The way I felt during the whole thing was indescribable. I felt like things that happened around me were reflections of my attitudes towards the world and my thoughts. I felt like all the people around me were acting. I even felt like the television shows I was watching had a hidden message in them, like they were trying to teach me something important. I was highly curious about what different colours "meant". I was very interested in the colour violet in particular. I felt like people walking by were "me",  or my reflections. It was all just one big sychronicity happening 24/7. I also had started a vegan lifestyle half a year before the whole thing happened, and I remember getting more interested about the spiritual side of life, although it was just curiosity at this point. I didn't know anything about how literal the concept of "mirroring" would actually be. I was also meditating during the trip for the first time in my life (consciously anyway).

Long story short, I ended up in a mental hospital in Finland and stayed there for over two weeks, because I was under the age of 18 and had no control over this whole procedure. After that I got obsessed with all the spiritual information out there, and I started to realize, that this experience that they called a psychosis was actually something that is very common, even something that people look for, in the spiritual field. The way people were talking about reflections and mirroring and "oneness". That everyone in your life essentially is you. That colors are associated with different meanings. That your thoughts attract different experiences and that we tend to create and hold onto these "stories" about our lives that we then repeat to ourselves obsessively. You can imagine that at this point in my life I felt so much rage towards all the ignorance in our society. I felt like my great breakthrough was robbed from me by people who were forcing me to take antipsychotics and by telling me that I was "sick", when at the same time I was clearly stating to them that this has to be something else than a psychosis.

When I met my husband for the first time, I was greeted with another sign that this can't be mental illness. Whilst experiencing this "psychosis", someone asked me how I felt right then and there. I remember having these visions about a magician, who was doing card tricks. I answered to them, that I felt like some magician had hypnotized me, and I was now revealing all my secrets to him while being hypnotized. This magician looked exactly like my husband, whom I din't know at the time. When we first met, he started performing the exact same card trick for me that I had seen in the vision. He told me he had been a magician. He also asked me, if he could try and hypnotize me at some point. He had been practicing hypnotisation, but he needed someone to practice it with. Now, I din't realize the correlation between the vision and him, until he had left, and I felt terrified about telling him about it since we had just met. But luckily I did, and after almost two years, we are still happily together.

So, I got admitted to a mental hospital again last year for the same reason, but this time I went willingly, because I couldn't handle the worry and pressure my mom was projecting onto me. And this time I already knew that this definitely wasn't a psychosis. I'm not so scared about the whole thing (getting admitted to a mental hospital) anymore because I've gone through it twice. But I would love to know If anyone has any insight on how to keep yourself grounded during "a psychosis" such as this. Is there any other way to treat this, or to calm yourself down when you feel like the sychronicities are getting way too much to handle, or when you feel like you can't live your day-to-day life anymore because of all this?

Edited by Ronja Tarkanmäki
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If we look at life as a video game , then once you wake up inside the game, you are no longer a gamer. You become an observer... an observer that is trying to go back into the game. Your focus shifts and it's like you are looking from a far at everything. The longer you observe, the more you are being pushed back.

You can always continue playing as it was and deal with its consequences like everyone else (which happens a lot of the time anyway) or you can create your own game. And if you can get enough people to play with you.... once they figure it out and wake up from it, you are no longer hidden in the shadow of your awakening. Essentially this is how you are being brought back to life again, lol which could be both rejuvenating and deadly depending on what all you have done/used/using to play your game.

 

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That's exactly what it felt like, a video game. Or some sort of cosmic joke:D

And thank you, I actually haven't read a lot about kundalini energy, so I'll definitely look into it. I do have a couple of spiritual groups near me but they weren't really resonating with me. The other one for example, treated clairvoyance like it's some sort of rocket science that you need to study hard in order to be successful at it. And they only saw seeing visions as the real way to be "psychic", although there are much more ways you can sense these things. And they had no idea what synchronicities are. Luckily my husband understands what I've told him about not believing in mental illness, so at least I can rely on him if I feel like another "psychosis" is on its way.

The last time I had this experience I was sort of prepared, since I knew about two months beforehand that I was about to go through this again. So when people around me (relatives) started freaking out about what was going on in my head, I called my mom and asked her to contact someone in the spiritual field and ask for guidance. This person that she contacted saw my situation and performed some kind of remote energy healing to ground me. I think she removed some energy blocks from underneath my feet. But as soon as she did that I felt so irritated that I had been grounded. I don't know why exactly, but I just hated the sinking feeling of being pulled back towards the ground. I also felt really tired, but maybe that's a part of grounding your energy?

Anyway, I also went to see a psychic after the first experience, ans she told me that my crown chakra and my third eye chakra had opened too quickly, wich caused this confusion in me (that would also explain why I had these reactions to the color violet). I just realized from your message that I should probably try and balance the lower chakras with crystals next time, so thanks for the advise!

Edited by Ronja Tarkanmäki

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Yes I have experienced this and was hospitalized for it. I highly recommend Sean Blackwell's Youtube series on "Bipolar or Waking Up?" and I also recommend the book "The Stormy Search for the Self" by Stan Grof. He outlines recommendations you can follow to tune down your inner experience if it is too overwhelming.

The hospital is unfortunately the only option in today's age for people going through spiritual awakening, because the person's family doesn't understand the process or fears it. In the future I hope we will have facilities or retreat settings where people can be referred to during their spiritual awakening, so they can get 24-hr support.

Edited by Krystine
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Thanks a lot, I'll look into them! It's so great to see that at least some people understand what this really is about after all the bullshit (excuse my french) you have to go through in todays society if you experience this. It breaks my heart to think that even right this second people are getting traumatized in these hospitals for the cowardice of the majority. But I believe it will change soon. It has to.

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Spirituality is crazy under the model of this society, the religion of science. we aren't supposed to have a soul or have spiritual experiences or we're crazy, or you can have these experiences just don't talk about it lol.  The world isn't just limited to western society and what it has to offer, other cultures are well aware of other realms and what god is, like indigenous people, but we are cut off from those experiences, so because the soul and god aren't supposed to exist in this box of beliefs it will be misunderstood. Maybe you got really good at raising your awareness and you don't have a solid map of reality so it's all over the place, disassociate in a way. you should write in those states and ask questions, see what comes through.

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I guess balancing between inner and outer world in your case is quite a battle. I have never felt the inner world very strongly, it has been more like trying to see inside more. But it is definitely very interesting to read such clear self reflection in such a situation, as you write. 

For me it seems that you would benefit most if you had good tools to keep yourself grounded. Here is a list of hopefully helpful tools: yoga (involves your body a lot but still gives you change to explore spiritual feelings), physical meditations (like Osho´s Dynamic meditation or similar, involves using body a lot), outdoor experiences (self-explanatory), therapeutic self help tools like solution focused methods (to give you another mental point of view). I have absolutely no experience how these would work in your case, these are just things I have tried and they give me more grounded (and a little bit spiritual) feeling. 

I live kind of between two worlds. I consider myself as logical and reasonable and I believe in science. And I think there is so much more that we just do not see. My "hobby" is to make links between these two (or more) worlds. For example, during my shaman experiences, I read and saw things that fit your description about your experiences. I know people who see things before they happen, old folks think it is normal, some would say it is just seeing through another time-space dimension. Seeing your soon-to-be husband is what they try to do with midsummer magic :) I try to explain my religious collegue how Bible and spiritual things have same roots and, most of the time, are exactly same thing with just different names for things. 

This community is awesome to give you backup in all spiritual issues. Doctors who can not see how you see things have just not yet had their experience. 

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Yeah, balancing the two is definitely quite difficult when you are bombarded with proof that this "reality" is a dream or a game of some sort. Or that the external is essentially your inner world. Thanks for your suggestions! I'm so grateful to see that all of you guys, even though all of you may not have had the exact same experience, are still so understanding of what this means from a spiritual perspective. It's so nice to notice this after people feeding you the lie that you are a problem that has to be fixed. So thank you guys for existing!:)

I had to laugh outloud when I read what you wrote about midsummer magic, because I think this happened during or right after midsummer.

I'm just in the middle of watching the channel on Youtube that Krystine recommended called "Bipolar Or Waking Up?", and this truly is a life saver! I think anyone who even has a relative or a friend who's gone through this (or bipolar or schizophrenia) should watch all of his videos (or at least some), because he outlines the ways you can support someone going through "a psychosis" like this, and what are the different stages of this process. Because I'm not gonna lie, it can be very scary to watch a psychotic person if you have no clue of what's going on with them.

Edited by Ronja Tarkanmäki

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19 hours ago, MistaRender said:

Ever notice that members of these forums aren't rich? They've had little spiritual success to share? Ever notice a lack of exuberance and real happiness and contentment?

Hi and welcome back!

Mostly agree with everything you said except this part. I think a lot of those who succeed simply move on with their lives and do something else! Also 

"when you've practiced for 3, 4, 10 years, most people say "wait a minute... I've done exactly what these teachers said and my life still sucks" and they don't visit these sites anymore! They move on with more practical things that directly improve their life,"

Or maybe it's  because they never found out what's draining them?))

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Hello @MistaRender

personally, I believe that Teal has opened herself up to her “spirituality”.  And I think that means you open yourself up to looking at your own subconscious mind (shadow work) and you open yourself up to following your intuitions.  All of that sounds really good, and I suppose it very much is really good, but unfortunately you can also hypnotize yourself into believing your own bullshit.  Not all intuitions are correct (for sure a lot of mine are wrong)

There seems to be a prevailing belief in spiritual circles that “the spirit provides perfect guidance”.  Well, maybe that could be true once you have eliminated all your personal biases and examined every one of your preconceived notions.  But personally I think:

1- Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.

2- Gut instincts are good but only if you have trained your gut and have actual knowledge in the area.  You can’t know what you don’t know.  If you think you know what you don’t know then you have a high chance that you are just fooling yourself.

So I think Teal does have some terrific insights into many things but she does not have “divine knowledge of everything”.

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36 minutes ago, MistaRender said:

I know Teal Swan's type. My brother used to hang out with people like her at my own house. They are dark, manipulative, egotistical, and totally fake. I've been around people like her in real life since I was 12 years old, ok? The are common in the US. And my brother is just like her.... narcissistic and completely full of shit. She doesn't have magical powers. It's laughable, and I just proved it to everyone reading this.

I agree that she does not have magical powers.

But, in my opinion, she does have good insights.  

We are all prisoners of our own realities which are based in a true objective reality but largely colored by our assumptions, beliefs, fears and predjudices.  

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I'm sitting here and wondering, if you have so much hatred towards her, why do you keep coming back to her website and forum after being banned 4 or 5 times before? I would assume you too, would have liked to move on with your life by now. I think it's not the spiritual people that get on your nerves for not handling their life effectively, it's that you're angry at yourself for wasting so much energy and time bashing other people, when you could actually do something good for yourself and even the world. Maybe root for something that you like and enjoy instead?

Anyway, I don't really even care what the issue is here, could I just ask you to create your own topic for this conversation? Thanks!

Edited by Ronja Tarkanmäki
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please help me understand, @MistaRender how does this:

Quote

I know Teal Swan's type. My brother used to hang out with people like her at my own house. They are dark, manipulative, egotistical, and totally fake. I've been around people like her in real life since I was 12 years old, ok? The are common in the US. And my brother is just like her.... narcissistic and completely full of shit. She doesn't have magical powers. It's laughable, and I just proved it to everyone reading this.

go with this?

Quote

OH nice one. Haha! All I have ever done here was try to help everyone, including you. And you accuse me of hating "spiritual people"? And you accuse me of hating myself. Wtf? How dies that even make sense?

 

 

 

 

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