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Forced to make life changes... Money and connection

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Forced to make life changes... Money and connection

Recently I came to the conclusion that I needed to move out of my apartment because my income had decreased from starting a new job. My job change came after feeling disrespected by my last boss who was a narcissist and an alcoholic, she had a dui 2 days after I walked out. I won't lie and say that it wasn't funny seeing the universe work that way. 

After starting my new job I was working as an employee as opposed to an independent contractor making less an hour and getting taxes withheld from my checks. On top of that my ex boss did not pay me for the last 2 weeks of work that I did for her. She's done that to multiple people. Myself and 4 other people have connected to a lawyer that's handling the situation to get our money paid to us. But since then it was a ripple effect of me being late on paying bills. I was close to catching up and then in late November I decided that I needed to change my current hours and days I work to daytime hours in order to accommodate my 9 year old daughter. There were problems with her listening to my family members when I was at work and I decided that working nights and weekends was not great for her because I parent differently than my mom or my brother, they are narcissistic as well. They don't validate her feelings or give her room to be who she is. I have my faults but I do try my best with her. And I felt I needed to be there for her more actively especially on the weekends and after school. So my pay decreased even more after that.

I realized that I must hold the belief that I must work hard for the money that I bring in and if I don't work hard then I don't get much money. I'm a massage therapist so the work I do is pretty hard physical labor. And sometimes my body gives out on me like yesterday my rib came out in my back and I was forced to go home early and get a chiropractic adjustment. And today I had to stay home to rest my back from the spasms from my rib coming out. This happens about 2-4 times a year or so either me being sick or something in my back going out. Last year my lower back went out completely and I couldn't stand up at all. After 2 adjustments it started to feel better though. That happened a couple months before I walked out of my last job I had. 

Usually when these episodes happen I'm forced to take time off to rest my body, therefore leaving me with less pay in the pay period in which it falls. The issue seems to lie in the fact that I only get paid for hands on work. I've recently realized that I need to find a way to have some passive income or either I'm never gonna get anywhere. It's this repeated cycle of me overworking myself and then having to suffer a pay decrease after being forced to take time off. I use to absolutely love my job. But as I've done lots of growth and become more aware of my personal sense of self I've realized that I'm coming to the end of my career as a massage therapist and I've got to get out of it soon. More and more I experience anger because I'm hurting my body to help someone else. And 12 years is a long time for a therapist.

Now I'm on the precipice of figuring out where I'm being led to go. I'm now being forced to move out of my apartment because I can no longer pay the rent by myself. I'll be staying with family a couple weeks before I move into a cheaper place to live. Just gotta get some money saved up for a security deposit on a new place, something more in my income range. This change will help me start moving towards my goals of changing my career. In order to do that I need to have some money to put into it at first. I plan on taking a mediumship, starting a website to build a passive income, start spiritual life coaching certification training, and then start to build my brand online to do my own work that I want to complete. I have a lot more goals in mind once I'm in a place of financial security. Getting to this place of realization has been very stressful.

It does scare me that I'm having to rely on family again for help. I find the more I'm around them the more I lose myself. But I do feel different after spending time searching and finding my sense of self. But at the same time I feel that my family are the only ones that can help me. I guess I'm also realizing that every single one of Teal's videos lately have been right on point with my current inner thoughts and dialogue. She always seems to answer questions that I have been searching for. And sometimes I don't realize I needed the information until I watch the video. Like her video on how to get what I want, in my current situation I think this is an issue for me. I realized while watching that video that I also have a aspect of me that longs for connection. I long for deep meaningful connection with other people who are like minded. I have a couple friends/acquaintances that I'm not able to connect with in that deep spiritual way. With this I know now that I must seek out those who are also awakened spiritually and seek awareness of themselves. What do you think? Do you think my issue with money is finding connection? I've always identified myself as a massage therapist. I even took great pride in what I do. I guess I've always used it as a means to connect with my friends over the years. Like an interesting topic of conversation, and a way to connect with fellow massage therapists. It's interesting to ponder, what would I be without being a massage therapist? I suppose I would be the person that I know I am on a deep spiritual level which is the connection I crave. I have been hurt by many people so I do find it hard to find the connection I'm looking for. This has been therapeutic writing this and I think it's helped me to see the block that I've been hanging onto.

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I think you are also looking for connection between your thoughts and your actions.

When you place hands on your clients what do you feel?

If you love your job then it becomes very easy to do it.

The joy of the process is always rewarded by more joy.

 

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12 minutes ago, Garnet said:

I think you are also looking for connection between your thoughts and your actions.

When you place hands on your clients what do you feel?

If you love your job then it becomes very easy to do it.

The joy of the process is always rewarded by more joy.

 

I think you are right about the connection between my thoughts and actions.

It honestly depends on the client and how our energy meshes together. Some clients are easier than others. Some I find that it is very easy to help them and I do love clients like that. I think that I would enjoy having more of those types of clients. The joy that comes from knowing that I helped desolve some of a client's pain has always kept me going in the field.

And I think that at times I forget to take care of myself. I think that's where the anger may come from. There needs to be more of a balance of self care. Which I think I've finally realized should come first before anything else. 

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