Ramses Rodriguez

Re-post: My Reflection on Teal's "Forecast for 2018"

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Re-post: My Reflection on Teal's "Forecast for 2018"

Currently, my room and apartment are a mess. They got this way as I started to purge my space of unnecessary clutter. I felt it appropriate to do towards the holiday season because, yes, as you mentioned Teal, the universe kind of "ripped the band-aid off" so-to-speak.

What I mean is, my relationship ended, multiple family members passed, parents divorced, I faced many shadows, I questioned my career, my motives, other's motives, and reality. All the while, my intuition, sensitivities, and powers were becoming more realized and actualized. It felt like my third eye just flew open at one point, even colors stated to feel like they were moving (I still can't figure that one out). Simply put, I experienced a lot of change in every aspect of my life this past year.

Looking back at the chain of events, I can't help but feel like I was "forced" to make changes in my life. No matter how much I tried to frantically keep things together, or try to figure out solutions, the only manifested scenarios were seemingly irreparable or finite in nature. And, I almost think that it would have been nicer if the universe had given me ultimatums. Ultimatums would have been better because an ultimatum would have at least meant that my physical perspective had a decision to make or had a choice in matters. However, many of my circumstances only had one answer: death, termination, conclusions or surrender.

And, ah, know that I could feel the resistance some folks (maybe even you Teal) will have to these last lines I wrote.

Of course, I had choices based on my focus. And yes, in many ways the universe gave me ultimatums. Like when I was choked out by a panic attack when I was not letting go of my relationship. In which case, I was communicated to by spirits guides with regards to allowing myself to be helped. After that communication I drove myself to the emergency room with a blood pressure of 172/104, almost seizing, blood vessels bursted on my face and drool sliding out of my lips. I reached out for help.

I wish I could say that this major panick attack was the only way that I was "pinned against the corner" by the universe. The reality was that many decisions I ended up making this past year came from a "rock bottom" sort of place. I remember thinking "the only way to go from here is either up or out." It was frustrating. I battled myself (and in some cases I still do) during this disintegration experience. I had started reading "Shadows before dawn" and felt overwhelmed with all the self-love "work" I had to do. But finally, at one point during my internal battle, while everything was crumbling around me, while my perspectives were changing drastically, I remember thinking one thing: "fuck it!"

I said "Fuck it to this pattern. Fuck it. Fuck it! Fuck it!"

I was sick and tired of fighting with my internal monologue, of doing the “convincing” of people around me, and of trying to understand the "meaning" and application of what was being reflected to me in my three-dimensional reality. And it dawned on me: I had resistance to all this change. 

So yeah, here I sit in my messy bedroom and apartment at the start of the new year in the process of making room for what is to come. I have decided to make “positive aspects” my project of mastery in the near future and am challenging myself to take inspired actions for my life. I've cleaned out hobbies that were stale, removed myself from organizations that no longer brought me joy in belonging to and I have reached out to some contacts about changing my career. I'm starting to feel some forward momentum.

On the flip side of this, however, I still am having bad moments. Today, even before being inspired to write this, I had been sitting in my boxer briefs binging on burger king, soda, and Netflix. I see the clutter around me and feel overwhelm. And I get sad about some events that transpired.

But here I sit, yet again, thinking only one thing: Fuck it!

I am finally moving forward. I'm finally going with the flow. So, I think I’ll clean up my room now….

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