Ripley

How to address narcissistic parents as a minor?

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How to address narcissistic parents as a minor?

Hi,

I live in a family with a narcissistic mother and a codependent father. My little brother is a scape goat and I’m the golden child. How do I communicate with my mother about how painful it is to live in this family dynamic. It’s incredibly painful to watch my parents treat my brother like he’s not good enough, and I know I’m enabling it by not saying my feelings. I’m not sure if I should stay and try to “fix” things or if I should give my family and myself some space. I’m still in high school so physically moving away isn’t an option until next year. Any help?

thanks 

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Hi! In my opinion, there's nothing you can do, except do the opposite with your brother, cheer for him, give him the support your parents are incapable of giving, hug him, comfort him for what is not present there, be the aware person everyone is missing there. A narcissistic personality is very hard to change if they are not aware how harmful and unaware they are, and not willing to change anything. You can reflect by just being the opposite, work on your awareness, and be the support and love and care your brother is missing. And hold on. How do YOU feel btw? Do you feel abused in any way by your parents/environment? Especially your mother maybe. 

yeah... It's a sensitive subject for me too, i would say just turn your focus to creating the caring attention your brother and yourself maybe, are missing. 

Edited by Mai-da
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@Mai-da thank you for the advice. I’ve been trying my best to be loving to my brother. It was just a few months ago that I realized that I was being mean to him too. I tend to dissociate and daydream a lot. It makes it hard be aware around my parents because whenever I feel uncomfortable I disconnect from everything. I have tried talking to my mother directly but nothing seems to get through to her. 

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Hello Ripley,

In a a situation like this you are lucky to have a brother. If no conversation works anymore with your parents, you two are the biggest support to each other. Focus on finishing school and becoming more independent, responsible adults. Research how to take care of yourself and move on later in life or post a question here. Remember it is much easier to do it with someone than by yourself so never underestimate the opportunities together. 

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6 hours ago, Ripley said:

@Mai-da thank you for the advice. I’ve been trying my best to be loving to my brother. It was just a few months ago that I realized that I was being mean to him too. I tend to dissociate and daydream a lot. It makes it hard be aware around my parents because whenever I feel uncomfortable I disconnect from everything. I have tried talking to my mother directly but nothing seems to get through to her. 

Yeah.. not very good. Anyway, knowing consciously what you just said you usually do, is for merit! Really, bravo, it's a big thing. In this case, i would say, disconnect consciously, decide consciously next time not to hear, see, experience, what is hurtful to your soul, being, psyche. From that standpoint, you'll be able to focus on what makes you HAPPY, what gives you bit of RELIEF, and thus, teach your brother to join you in owning the power to CHOOSE, choose what to hear, what to see, what to experience. I know it's hard, i empathize with you completely, and felicitate you for expressing this. Choose to feed yourself with whatever raises your frequency, makes you happy, and show your brother that we can integrate the pain, and at the same time, feed with what makes us happy, or gives us hope. If you learn the POWER OF FOCUS at this age, imagine what you will be capable of after. I know it's hard, just know that it's in YOUR hands, what we decide to take in. It might be harder than I say it is, since you need mature caregivers at this age, your brother too, even more :(, and everything else is just too hurtful, but we on this forum are always here for you, and you can always rely on us here. But since you are aware you dissociate and disconnect, do it consciously, (you're already doing it to a degree), choose consciously not to focus on whatever hurts you in your family, makes you feel bad. Or just replace that lack of love in you and your brother, from these experiences, with activities that make you feel good, see the good in life, experience the inspiration... I have no other advice to give, and we're always here... 

?

Edited by Mai-da
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