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Unconditional Love and Boundaries

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Unconditional Love and Boundaries

I feel like the two are a contradiction.

i feel if People would love me unconditionally I wouldn’t need boundaries.

bir I guess I’m assuming that everyone should already know what someone else’s boundaries are. 

Because I think it’s best to tell or be demonstrating who we are before we have to find out by trial and error... 

 

 

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I just feel resistant to compromising. At one point in my life spirit made it clear to me not to compromise because it only leads to suffering. And I hear it over an over again, dont compromise. Maybe because I was in an abusive relationship? I think compromising leads to kind of a starvation state where I m not getting all my needs met or where I’m accepting a less than best scenario, when it’s available but im not allowing myself to have it. And I don’t like this. 

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Thank you so much. I highly appreciate you taking  the time to read my stuff and help me, means very much to me. Thank you please don’t take offense to me not showing more appreciation i am very grateful but I’m currently carrying a lot of crap that pulls me down to have enough energy to express myself how Id really like to. 

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I think the begining of the movie "Eyes wide shut" perfectly sums up the answer to your question. 

It is well-known that the couple (Tom Cruise & Nikole Kidman) had split after this movie and I remember them saying that the movie was very much like their real life.

Conclusion. 

Blurring boundary lines leads to a disaster. Being together while seeing every thing that the other does dissolves each person's identity and diminishes Intimacy as the result.

The more I think about unconditional love, the more I become convinced that there's a huge misunderstanding of what it actually is. I have started a topic about it if you would like to read.

Spirituality has taken a strange move recently around the subject of unconditional love as if before we discovered it we didn't love? What a f#$% nonsense. 

 

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@Garnet

Of course we did love, now it's just put in  words, because time asked for it. And it's unconditional presence, as Teal put it, right. Learn how to be unconditionally present with yourself, you'll learn how to be with others, and love them, or yourself, by that

Edited by Mai-da

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12 hours ago, Mark Joseph Middleton said:

 

Have you ever shared something that you didn't want to share. Money. Food. A Secret. A Cab Ride, a Bus Seat whatever. 
Did it lead to suffering. Even if it did, most times it doesn't right? That was a compromise

 

If you didn't feel like sharing it with that person, you didn't need to. Even shouldn't have. If you did anyway, you gave away a part of yourself. Its not a compromise, its a murder :) I don't believe in comprimise either, never did, always found it kinda twisting, why I say this. Compromise is for people who subdue. Who dont feel their real calling. Because if you feel the attraction with someone, on a more hearted level, as well as cognitive maybe, you will share spontaneously, and by giving, you will feel as if you are being given too, love circulates, nothing that we give is not being given to us too, if on right time, place and with right person, everything that we share we get back instantly. Compromise is a very interesting concept to explore, since I never believed in it myself. I always felt it was something a subdued person does. I don't know... I might be subjective here too because when my mother used to tell me compromise this that, it's necessary this that, and knowing and feeling her standpoint, it was so false. Other examples too... Compromise might be a notion and tool invented to establish control actually. Why would I compromise my soul, my calling, my reasons, if i am truly loved by the other person, if i actually know what love is..... 

Edited by Mai-da
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28 minutes ago, Mark Joseph Middleton said:

I'd feel worse not letting that person sit down, much rather put up with some discomfort of being squashed up on the bus.
For example if were to agree with you here in any way it would be a compromise. But that would be part of life right. Taking on board what you have said and considering it. Sure we are miles apart we don't have to, we'll probably never meet or need to compromise on anything, we can be poles apart and it wouldn't matter a bit. What if I was working with you or in your life in some way and we had to get something done, both having different views on how to do it? We do that every day we are alive if we want to work with people or live with them.

Sevan Bomar said something in one of his latest videos a few months ago that resonated with me. If people are working together on something it's very hard to be judging them or spending time wondering about their motivations etc. You are just there to complete the project or whatever it is. The distance people have on the internet for me personally encourages this disconnected way of interacting because people are disconnected. This may be a male way of looking at it. And I know we are not doing that here so directly, not judging harshly and perhaps even searching for empathy but it is the same for me with compromise. The further people are apart the less you need to. Heck i'm stubborn as a personality trait, and I see it, I see when I need to give more ground to someone. Doesn't mean I lose myself, and yeah if we are just talking our most intimate partners, not work colleges, or less intimate acquaintances I can see where you are coming from. I compromised just now here to learn empathy with your perspective. The person you've got closest to you, maybe yeah that's the person you most want to accept you for who and what you are. Whereas someone you are working with, the job would be more important. But I don't see how a relationship is ever going to be found, if you are only ever looking for a direct reflection of you, that would line up to feel and behave in the exact same way you do, I mean someone changes one inch and you have conflict instead of compromise.

Over all of this, I still have boundary issues as I've had to hand build them later in life, through a lot of harder emotional knocks. So my own view of this is quite possible cloudy as well. But murder, i'd look at why you are using that word, sounds like there is some pain there. And why you feel part of you dies when you compromise, or why you feel a compromise is forever.

 

Taking on board what the partner says and considering it is not what i would call compromise. Far. I simply take your perspective into consideration, and if i find it compatible to my beliefs, I will probably even consider you a friend, or a compatible person, or someone i can take as part of me. However, words dont create lot of connection, so... But compromise supposedly includes actions right...

We should however explain what compromise is for both of us.

This is an official definition : settle a dispute by mutual concession. 

To me , it is to give up on an aspect of yours, like some part of me that does not agree with whatever, but i ignore it, how I COMPROMISE MYSELF. Btw, me i dont neither work with people, nor do i live with them :))) I am probably imagining, but I decided not to work with people now because there is overload of conditional love on this planet, nowhere is there authenticity, money rules, sorry - fear rules; and without authenticity, there are no real ideas, no real collaborations, authentic products, results... All waste of time. I would rather look at the sky for the rest of my life 

When working with people, Bomar didnt consider the intuition that does not wonder about someone's motivation, but knows instantly whom you can work with, whom is not your breed. Being there to just complete the project is exactly the worst of beliefs, why all people suffer in the business world. Because they think that's what they are supposed to do, just do the job. No. You have to be fully on board. Heart, body, mind, soul. And thats where humanity is going. So i dont take part in what Bomar says, its a very old paradigm, and though many practice it still, its harming and hopefully they will awaken (how more valuable it is to be on the streets, but healthy spirit, than working on warm , but feeling very alone and unmotivated - just because you believe that is how everyone is -dead ) 

What does it mean to give more ground to someone? if you dont like the person, an aspect of you will never like it. So? why lie to yourself? 

"I can see where you are coming from. I compromised just now here to learn empathy with your perspective." You didnt compromise. You took my perspective, which is what compassionate understanding people do. You considered my perspective. You didnt give up on yourself. (so this is how i see compromise, thats why maybe you should tell me what your definition is)

"But I don't see how a relationship is ever going to be found, if you are only ever looking for a direct reflection of you, that would line up to feel and behave in the exact same way you do, I mean someone changes one inch and you have conflict instead of compromise." Yeah, i see your point. True. I am still learning. But to me then compromise is simply love. 

I put an emoji smile after murder. But yes, i dont mind sounding/being radical. Because a chronic abandonment, is a fucking murder . Maybe not to any relatively healthy person, but to a wounded individual, he/she must know this, that way 

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19 hours ago, Mai-da said:

@Garnet

Of course we did love, now it's just put in  words, because time asked for it. And it's unconditional presence, as Teal put it, right. Learn how to be unconditionally present with yourself, you'll learn how to be with others, and love them, or yourself, by that

I think only the dead can be unconditionally present because their soul is not bound to time and location. 

3 hours ago, Mark Joseph Middleton said:

I feel part of me lives in discomfort permanently and i've accepted that part of myself.

The whole life is a compromise because you know you could have chosen something else.

That's why I feel very conflicted when some people are born into some seriously miserable conditions and modern spirituality says it's because their souls have made that choice. 

Anyone who becomes aware and conscious of "the choice " always finds himself in a battle with it.

 

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