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*Saskia*

The Castration Dynamic

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In the end it doesn´t matter if you are in a romantic relationship or not. Your trauma will play itself out with whatever is available....

 

Over a year ago I bought a little female bunny. Since I always called her "Bunny" anyway, that became her name. She was stunningly beautiful.

After a while I really noticed that she was lonely and I didn´t want that for her. So I bought a male bunny and called him Teddy.

Teddy and Bunny got along great. Even the initial phase was relatively quiet and quickly over. I was so happy for her.

However I was displeased with some of Teddys behavior. He would take food away from her, when she layed her head under his he would not clean her.

She cleaned him all the time. Sometimes he bit her in the back. For a while she even had a patch without hair on her back. I didn´t want him to treat her like that.

Even then I knew that it was me, I wanted to protect. I am the one who does not want to be treated this way. I watched my own reactions to his behavior.

I thought that he was a bad bunny for ignoring her pleas to be cleaned. And when he did clean her there was always a chance he would move down her back and pull her hair out.

I didn´t scold him, I didn´t stop him. I turned by back on him. I didn´t bother to find out what food he likes, how to make him more happy, I didn´t want to know. I didn´t want to care.

Yesterday he died. I sat beside him when he went away. I am drowning in shame and guilt and actual grief.

 

It does not matter if you are in a relationship or not. Your trauma will find a way to play itself out.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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