Sign in to follow this  
Guest

A Sense of Loss over Cats (Not Mine)

Recommended Posts

Guest

In the summer of 2017, I decided to move in and stay with a friend for about 6 months.  In the later part of summer, she had gotten two kittens that I had a huge hand in helping raise.  She mostly works.  I don't have a job; since I'm on disability, I stayed at her home (a trailer) and watched, fed, and played with her cats.  I scooped the liter, vacuumed the carpet, cleaned the floors, did the dishes, and cleaned the bathroom.  This "friend" of mine and I had a falling out recently and now I'm not allowed to even visit the cats again.  To say that they mean a lot to me is an understatement.

What I'm thinking will help me the most is to have some sort of comfort during this process.  There isn't anything I can do about not being able to see these cats.  This person has humiliated me and hurt me very deeply, many times.  People are not a source of love or comfort in my life ─ animals are.

Last night, I felt suicidal over this sense of loss.  As I said, people aren't a source of love or comfort in my life, but animals are, and because I'm going through intense feelings of grief, the only thing I can think of doing is reaching out.

If this needs to be said, I am definitely a cat-person.  My mother has a dog that I'm absolutely not interested in.  There are neighborhood cats that I have and do feed from time to time.  It's not the same as having a cat cuddle with you and purr while sitting in your lap.  There really is nothing that has ever made me feel that loved.  I'm in a lot of pain.

-

On a positive note, I've attempted to make this transition easier for myself, on my own.  There is a website where you can upload personal photos and put them on just about any item you can think of; my plans on are to put photos of these cats on sweatshirts and buy them for myself for Christmas.  ♥  I have photos of the cats.  Soon, I may make a "Goodbye" video of me in the cats in the cat room, right before I move out of the trailer.  In the end, I'm not sure if all of this is going to make it hurt worse, or if its going to help me feel better because I won't have the nagging worry that I will forget about the parts of them that I love the most ─ that has upset me terribly.


Thank you for reading.

Edited by Guest
*2017. This happened the summer of this year, not the year before it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

It's not only the cats that you miss but the essence of cat in your life. Surely we miss the individual cat or person when they are gone but there is something larger missing in your life. If you lose a cat you miss it but also feel the lack of cat-ness in your life. If you lost your Mother you would miss her but also miss the mothering that is lost as well. Get a cat of your own. Take in a stray, go to the shelter, put cat food by the door. Go to the universal oneness and ask for catness to return to be a part of your life. Be Blessed. Love your Kitty. It's looking for you to bless you with its presence.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

Hey Pastor George, nice to see you around.  

I do these things.  Sometimes it helps, sometimes not so much.  What lacks in my life is self-love.  I get love from animals.  It's such a burden for me to connect with people; when I do, I may make a friendship, but they almost always blow up in my face and turn nasty.  I can't count how many times I've had a friend turn into an enemy.  With the type of friends I've had, I don't need enemies.  I lost just about all of them and the people who do stick around are online acquaintances, only.

Right now, I'm wondering if buying customized t-shirts with the cats on them will be helpful for me or if it will only hurt worse.  I don't want to forget them, though.  I've forgotten most of my own life.  My emotional connections to people and animals around me is starting to sever to the point that I don't feel a bond anymore.

On a sidenote: this is why "The Giver" is my favorite book and film of all time.  The bonds ─ are they worth the pain?  When you "ascend" (I'm not a fan of that word), a part of that ascension involves not being affected as much by things in life.  A lot of people report this and claim that it has to do with us entering the 5.D. Earth and that this is not a place where any negativity will be tolerated.  Slightly unsure about this.  People will think what they think, but my personal experience is that I'm losing the ability to be affected by the people and animals around me.  It's not an apathy or a lack of caring ─ I care a lot and I'm such an empathetic person that I often feel like hurting myself if I am helpless to help another person who is suffering ─ but it's a general inability to not be moved by anything.  I think the caring is still there, but anything around me doesn't impact me at all.  This bothers me.  Suffering is beautiful because of the joy that is birthed from it.  It seems a lot of people who are waking up don't care about the integral beauty of human nature.  When we ascend, though, we leave it behind.  So, again: is the joy worth the suffering?  Is human nature worth it because of the beauty?  Some say "yes", some say "no".

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I find the Buddhist concept of Bodhisattva helpful. We ascend to interrupt the cycle of karma, being reborn back into the world to balance the scales, in order to ascend to a world where there is no pain, evil, suffering but none of their opposites either. But, some of the ascended see the plight of the rest of the world and so return to the world of karma with all its pain and suffering to assist all life to attain enlightenment. Ascension is not giving up the joy and pain but becoming conscious of the world above it where we can experience the joy and pain as something outside our selves. We gain another perspective, that of being above or outside the joy/pain cycle, able to experience it without becoming identified with it and able to show others how to overcome their own cycles as well. The joy and pain are still there but we are no longer enslaved by them and so no longer forced to perpetuate them. We can feel empathy without needing to become sympathetic and become part of your pain. Buying cat shirts won't ease your pain but becoming aware of the world in which we are all part of the oneness of God and there by part of each other will help. Perhaps you are confusing love with attachment. Attachment controls you where love frees you! Be Blessed, be a blessing! Life here is short enjoy the ride.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

Maybe I don't understand how to love.  Maybe all I've known is attachment.  When I've felt true unconditional love ─ this came from a higher source, not me, but I guarantee you that I felt it ─ I didn't handle it so well.  It seems that attachment is all I've ever understood because it's all I've ever had.  And a world outside of that, at this point in my life, feels as though it's too intense for me on an emotional level.

I'm so close to "being there" it's not even funny.  When you see the Oneness that we are all apart of, you can see that we are all fragments of one Being that is experiencing itself.  The conversations that take place around you are entirely different conversations than what the average human ear perceives.  People around you also tend to look differently, as if they are pieces of a puzzle and not individual people.  I've been awake and I've also chosen to be asleep.  I did this deliberately because I knew the human experience was beautiful to me.

Teal described what I'm talking about in some of her videos, although I don't know which ones at this point.  In order to have had the experience of being a part of One, a person has to be "asleep", as it's called.  In order to have the experience of being in a state of Oneness, a person has to be awake.  As a child, I was awake, and there were no people around me who were, so it was inexplicably painful.  It was after that point that there would be many years in my life where I lived in deliberate amnesia.  And I don't regret a moment of it.  What does upset me is the resistance that awakened people have to people like me ─ people who have been there and back and have felt as though they missed out on the human experience.  Feeling left out is a painful experience and I didn't want that.  And that's OK.

In time, I suppose I'll be conscious of our Oneness again.  It's inevitable.  One lesson on this planet that is excruciatingly hard for me is letting your loved ones move on.  Everyone has to transform at some point.  And that transformation eventually leads us back to a solid state.

:5761e0b7b4c1d_EmojiSmiley-20:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I have a feeling that what you're experiencing has more to do with a sense of belonging that was created through action of taking care of the cats. I don't know why things didn't work out for you. I know a lot of animal lovers treat their pets like children, so it's always good to keep that in mind when volunteering. Your standards may not be the same as your friend's. And vice versa. 

What it looks like to me is that when you lost the place to be and do something for another , whether it was your friend or the cats, you automatically lost that sense of being needed and/or to belong. I think that's what you are doing with the website. 

Cats are your inspiration, the link for the website. It is great if that's gives you that something that you're currently missing due to your circumstances. But i also think that what you are missing in your case is more of reason to belong somewhere (animals=>place=> people) which is why you're attached to the loss of cats that were never yours to begin with.

Hope this helps!

All the best 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest

It's a "friends" issue.  Normally, I have none.  From my perspective, it's because I let people walk all over me, but the perspective of the other person is likely entirely different.  And instead of communicating with these people, I avoid them because when I've tried to communicate with them, I was spoken over, humiliated, and then pushed away.  (This isn't going towards one person; this has happened with a handful of people.)

Being grateful for having this experience, I think, is more important than me being hurt and holding any sort of grudge.  It takes time to let things go but that's all that's left for me to do.  It won't happen over night, but yeah, it's a work in progress.

Maybe I can do some volunteer work with cats if the weather isn't too intense.  Snow and ice.  We'll see how it goes.  Wish me luck, everyone.

Edited by Guest

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this