WhiteDove

Ignoring people who don't care about you. 

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I currently live with my partner's grandparents, and it's pretty clear to me they do not care about me, simply tolerate me. Of course, they are going to appear like they do care to everyone else to make themselves "look good" but it's only for appearances only. Truthfully, when no one is looking, I see that they either ignore me, roll their eyes in disgust, or respond to whatever I say in the coldest way possible. It's no wonder nobody likes them, they just "put up with" them. However, they are much nicer to everyone else, I just seem to be the one they care about the least. It's hard for me to accept how cold and uncaring they are towards me when no one is looking. Can anyone understand or relate?

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Hey there!

 

First off, before assumptions or resentments build, have you tried communicating to them first?  Sometimes communication makes all the difference.  If we choose to not say anything and only listen to our perspective about what we're experiencing (which is completely valid) we never give them the oppurtunity to share their perspective of how they're experiencing things.  Resentments and frustrations tend to build when we are experiencing an opinion about someone and not communicating them to understand them.  We assume things are the way they are from where we're seeing them.  Which we know in this reality that every perspective is valid and none or more right or wrong than another.  It may help to hear their perspective openly and honestly.  Without taking it as fact either.  It doesn't mean you shouldn't feel the way you feel or that what your experiencing isn't happening.  Because it is.  But it may ease your perspective by seeing their truth as well.  Sometimes people are so absorbed in their own reality that they are completely unaware of how much they're affecting the outside by their actions.  Also, don't forget, usually this means those people are most likely treating themselves with the same level of respect.

 

From a compassionate sense,

think of these people how they only do things for the outside appearance.  This means they have a deep rooted insecurity in the fact of how they appear to the world.  Which means they may have people pleasing tendencies and have a deep rooted fear of not being good enough.  You may even be a representation of qualities they admire and desire.  But because they have an inherent fear of not being good enough, they cant be that good because their negative belief systems are limiting their potential.  So of course they will treat you the same way they treat themselves.  If they give the cold shoulder to their greatness, of course they'll do the same to your greatness.  Try perceiving it from a compassionate sense, look for yourself at what internal wounds are reflecting behind their actions. See what the root is.  This may help.  

 

Much love, 

Lexi :)

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Too deep guys.
@WhiteDove What the effing hell are you doing with old people - find find your own place!  Do you really expect them to just take you in? Have they a history of accepting people taking advantage of them? They may have extended compassion to the grandson out of pity or a sense of "have to for family" who knows - but seriously - why should they then have to accept another hanger-on in you? 
Who cares that you may be paying your way; you are in their life as what, a favour to them - and you expect them to understand? Why don't you understand?

OK, so, did they extend the hand of welcome to you or were they asked to... doesn't really matter. How old are you and why are you there? Old people have less and less time to live and so yes, they are being nice and compassionate to you or in front of others but actions speak louder than words - yes? But they are past being nice all the time, grudging old age maybe but you are in their home. So what to do...?

Does this sound harsh? Then look at it from their point of view.
Then find similarities.
Then realise they are just a mirror to your own inner feelings.
Then use your good judgement and save to afford to move out your own place.
Become responsible or make your bf be responsible.

I truly hope this helps. You have nothing to lose by being nice and getting them onto your side. Just takes perspective when you put yourself in their shoes.

Light

Edited by Crystal Rob
speed of light x 2

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@sparklinghueman

Out of all the replies to my post, yours was the most insightful and helpful. I really appreciate your response, which sounded to me to be both thoughtful and compassionate. The truth is (and you were the only person who replied that touched about the truth), I have made myself so small trying to fit and belong with others who I do not fit and belong with. I have tried so long trying to understand them and frustrated that they never really cared to know me. I've come to realize that the only way to change my situation is to come into my greatness. Crystal Rob's reply, I can see was biased, harsh, and didn't help me at all except see how ugly and foul one can appear when one is judgmental. Thank you Rob, for reminding me how not to be. 

Your comment, sparklinghueman, however, helped me to realize that being compassionate and kind goes much farther than being harsh and judgmental. You're right, they are a mirror of me. I have not been honoring my greatness and that has been hurting me, not them. They are not the problem. I have been holding myself back from stepping into my greatness, my power, not them. I have been waiting for them to "give me permission" to be myself. Isn't that silly? I have been blaming them when I needed to be myself. I had been hiding myself, trying to be who they wanted me to be to make their life easier. However, the circumstances of why I am here or where are my parents doesn't matter, except for the fact that I am here because I have been hiding my true self. What matters is that I focus on being my true self, expressing my voice, and trusting that by doing this, I have the universe on my side. And when the universe is on your side you can manifest anything. That's what I needed to become aware of and reminded of. I didn't need to hear judgmental or harsh comments. Those don't help me me at all but show me how not to be. What I needed was compassion and kindness communicated in a way that helped me to become aware that I have shunned my greatness and I needed to be reminded that I am great. That's all I needed and I thank you, sparklinghueman, for extending your compassionate and kindness to someone who needed it. You truly are sparkling. 

 

 

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4 hours ago, WhiteDove said:

Thank you Rob, for reminding me how not to be. 

de nada

(Edited) Actually WhiteDove, me simply flicking off "de nada" I realise is as flippant and reactive as your insight of what I wrote. Please re-read. I truly hope you one day actually see what I wrote - it was not to go "There, there dear victim, it's OK. There there" it was to jolt you. The message was the polarity of sparklinghuman's. I did ask you to look at it from their point of view... but if you cannot see it in it's truth that's fine - maybe you are not aware of your part in this from the start? Yes, please, do come into your greatness - but do it through being totally honest with yourself and where you have been meandering rather than when you need to be striding forth.

Light
Crystal Rob

Edited by Crystal Rob
speed of reaction, thought better

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10 hours ago, WhiteDove said:

 

Your comment, sparklinghueman, however, helped me to realize that being compassionate and kind goes much farther than being harsh and judgmental. You're right, they are a mirror

If that what you realized doesn't change anything,  please remember to not beat yourself up on that mirror and take steps towards different changes in your life.

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