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Sometimes it can get to the point where you are going to feel that the only option left is to push the Reset button ,  wipe everything clean and start over again. This is not an easy process and often very painful because it faces you eye to eye with yourself and you can't escape that. Ironically running from yourself is what gets you here in the first place. From my experience ,  being honest with yourself as much as possible is the only way to get through  time like this. Honesty is a doorway to your heart, your truth, your knowing etc. and in return you will see that  life reflects that back to you. Always.


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2 hours ago, MTerra said:

Part of the anger comes from feeling like it is unfair that i simply get things taken from me in order for me to learn/purify, in a way it feels like it is not love. Maybe this is more honest than me saying that God loves me unconditionally, because i can't really see that, but i focus my energy as much as i can to see it more clearly because i feel a strong intuition that it is true, i feel very much like it is the place i come from. So i wont say that the Universe is not loving

Well... since I brought up honesty here so here it goes... MTerra ,  I have skipped a lot of your posts on the old platform . Not that I didn't like your style of writing .  I think it is great as it is. It's just for me it was like smth was missing there or dissolved along the water and I didn't feel like it was for me to understand .  So I never looked into it , perhaps also due to some other circumstances . This is just my personal perspective but maybe it would give you a clue.

I am myself very into material. Can't afford the other way, lol. I am not saying I have figured it all out. No. One of my favorite saying is "I may not have everything I want but I love everything I have". I find minimalistic lifestyle is very depleting in a long run although it does have it's own benefits . 

If Love on Earth was unconditional it would survive on a plain air. Not sure, if there are any examples of that. 

6 hours ago, MTerra said:

All i know right now is that i want to go on a juice and salad fast for as long as i can and meditate on detaching from the mind's compulsive behaviors, to really dive deep. It is so hard to do that with no support, and my reaction to that feeling creates a bit of emotional chaos

Meditation is great and it does have its benefits but personally I would not count on it, not like my life depends on it. Actually this is what leads to no life to me if you get sucked into it. So unless you are somehow physically  anchored to one spot pray that it's better be for a good reason.

Life to me is a constant moving force. That means that I have to have some type of movement involved to feel that I am not at the dead end.

3 hours ago, MTerra said:

i am tired of pushing myself to be more evolved

MTerra, if you are still where you are, not happy about it but haven't figured out how to turn it all around then your situation has not reached the most painful point yet. Perhaps you think it is But it isn't at the same time because you have been desensitized for too long you can't fully feel it to actually do smth about it. When the pain finally reaches through - nothing is going to stop you and you will have no choice but to go towards "feel good" direction . 

MTerra, I don't know you nor I know where you currently stand in life other than what you just posted here and a few days ago. Acknowledging and recognizing that you need help is a very big step. Takes a lot of courage to say that .  But to sort things out you have to get into depth of the details . This is just scratching the surface . 

I hope this answers some of your questions . 

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