Jerry Tyfting

Emotional battle ground

15 posts in this topic

Ok so this is me part sharing how I grew up and part of it wanting suggestions for help.

Have already mentioned this in some posts but growing up I never deeply felt connected to my parents or my brother. Since all children have a need for this to live healthily, being used to not having it is a number one priority when you grew up with beings who have little to no idea of softness and healthy ways of being.

Emotional abuse they called love at times and it happened almost everyday that I felt neglected, abused and invalidated. I withdrew to my room to play alone so much of the time isolating myself.

Its like a battlefield and you are a civilian looking to find a safe shelter from the bomb shells, trying to feel as good as possible even if it means mentally escaping into fantasies. Then however you are getting hungry so you got to get out there or you die from starvation.
So many times I gave love and peace it went invalidated or neglected.

No deep appreciation for my being or themselves. Isolation felt pretty good when the majority of times you felt hurt by others. And when they tried to comfort me it sometimes made it worse since it was they who hurt me. They had no practical idea of genuine presence of simply being there. They could literally physically be standing infront of me and their energy could be elsewhere.

So since I could not find deep connection and satisfaction through connection, finding satisfaction on my own became priority. Emotional safety of my own well being came first since it wasn't provided by the family.
This loner path have set back the growing up healthily part so many years. The fact that I survived that kind of upbringing and moved out from that place is just amazing.
Something that I feel now is a deep sadness and anger. Angry at the fact that I wasn't provided the deep emotional connection and comfort I seek, and no matter how much I wanted it...nope. Sadness because I want it so much. 

I can flat out ask for it here in the forums and the feeling would be the same. They simply have little to no idea of what that kind of connection feels like. I know how it could feel like because isolation is its opposite...and man have I experienced that...I chose it. Then why don't I just use law of attraction to get what I want? Expecting me to positively come around that fast is unreasonable.
I have gotten a lot of online support though in the Teal Tribe. I appreciate that more than words can say. Recently I have been participating in a Teal oriented group...in real life!
The feelings are mixed in it though but it is better than what I have had and I can use them to heal and integrate.

Thank you all who read all of this.   

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Man...that was very sad to read that...i feel angry towards your parents and i have tears in my eyes now. Just want to beat them. What kind of people do this to their own child? Do they know that you feel anger....please tell them as angrily as you could...its a request...please do that. This should be released...we cant be brave in this...and wear a mask. You have to show courage Jerry. I hate your parents...there is no excuse that can be given. Please share their number here....some1 need to talk to them. I expect closure for this

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@Amit
Oh they know I feel anger...have told them many times but they have no genuine interest in themselves or self improvement so they have stayed more or less the same for years. True that they do grow too but very, veeeery slowly. This means no matter how much I push them to see how I perceive their behavior they would not be able to consider it and improve no matter how much I try...trust me I have tried a lot -.-'

They have been treated far worse than I have been. Their deep feeling states are in so much trauma that they have put so many facades over that you would never be able to reach them fully, they have simply chosen a path of comfort even if it means denying their pains with distraction, avoidance and overly positive focus.

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You are right Ana. Everything that you have said. I am thinking about Jerry & his release. I am just suggesting to release it the way child releases. Elders will always understand about their own mistakes. Not now but may be later on. When you sow a seed....its your responsibility to allow it grow in the best form. His parents havent done that & didnt put proper efforts. He is the victim of another victim as teal says, even they didnt break the cycle. They should know in its raw form of feelings. Otherwise when they will grow. It should be communicated in any way...polite or impolite. I remember a sentence "Nothing is ever broken". If he can destroy....he can create also.  

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Oh Okay....so, they are in more worst state than you are....I just hate it. When people dont want to grow.

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I just like you! Plain simple

You see this other version..our CEO says "You have to make it more painful for pain to go away, pain should not be suppressed by circumlocution"

What do you say??? Jerry and Ana???

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@Amit I respect everyone who pays any attention to what I share. Thank you.

I got to agree with Ana that some ways works for some and other ways just don't. I have tried something similar actually, to cause my body internal pain through food sometimes to intensify what feeling drew me to the specific food in the first place.
I'm on a "near vegan" path so some foods does hurt me. Interesting to know why I would feel drawn to non-vegan products though.

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If this wont work....then we need to try different modalities for their growth. Jerry please give us permission 

 

 

To give them beating >:(...Kick ass

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Who is sarbdeep swan? What is teals full name Fill in the blanks..

Full name: Ana ---------

Totally confused

I need a panadol 

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