nova029

WHERE IS MY FUCKING TRIBE?!?!?!?!?!!?

6 posts in this topic

WHERE IS MY FUCKING TRIBE?!?!?!?!?!!?

ahhhhh! i came from a narcissistic father and not just 1 enabling parent, but a whole family full of enablers. I mean gaslighting to the extreme. ANd the biggest lie is we are just going to "ignore" him (as if that shit is even possible) because that is JUST THE WAY HE IS! Give me a fucking break! SO of course I look at source or GOd who ever is fuucking in charged and think, damn why do I have to wait for him to say it is the right time. Why do i have to wait on sources divine timing? When does my feeling in this now moment that I really need some fredom and love and support and money  become valubale enough for the universe to realease the fucking funds. Money for me is freedom. My family is great at getting money and looking rich and holding shit against people. I mean the true definition of you dont get anything for free. Not housing, not love, not understanding, not support, not shit. Ever thing cost money. And if you dont have the money (which they make you a slave to before you can even begin to generate any) you are not getting these emotions on a loan.  so we will loan you love, affection, support, (all fake emotions anyway) until you can pay it back with your fucking soul. Now i am such a freaking slave that I am quite literally stuck in a jail cell in the middle of this family AGAIn because I allowed myself to be guilt tripped into these enablers needing me to come back. even my spouse is an enabler at this point because he doesnt understand the severity of the situation. which I didnt understand the severity of the situation at first either. so it is understandable. but now i feel like since i have no money which is no freedom, now i dont have the freedom to get out of the situation and find my tribe. find the people who i can get my needs met and vice versa. damn. 

 

please i need some help. i am so fucking lost. please. help. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That sounds horrible.

I'm thinking how I should come at this, it sounds like nothing I say will help, like get the fuck out of here with this spiritual shit. you have a horrible family it sounds, the way you see money is from a negative place. strip away all the meaning and labels money is an energy exchange, if you had all the money what would you use it for? would you invest in yourself with healthy food, programs, seminars, whatever? what you pay for is you investing in yourself and sometimes a energy exchange is needed. If you are In a codependent relationship its fine, accept it and know that's where you are, nothing to be ashamed of, but know where you are so you can move beyond that place. Everyone is a work in progress, nobody is perfect, but yeah if you could get those people out of your life that would be good for you mentally, emotionally, physically. you don't have money right now, that shit will come(I'm not saying millions), again if you are codependent accept it, the universe will help you out in other ways, try not to limit how it will come in, the universe is you and wants to expand and grow as much as you do and it will make it happen, but don't limit it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you for that. I am definitely a co-dependent and so is the family I have created. I feel like I have brought them to this inescapable spider web that they cant fully see yet. Not intentionally, but nevertheless. But I do struggle with just being where I am at times because I have been a victim of sexual and mental abuse. So, waiting and just "taking it" feel like some type of universal rape. It is a real puzzle to figure out. But I am defnitely going to try to make peace with waiting and seeing.  And the moeny situation is so complex. I truly do feel like it is an energy exchange but it has literally been used as a abuse tool in my family for so long! Its like I have all the pieces to the puzzle, but I still cant see the whole picture. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

You have to kill the person you were in order to become the person you are. I left home at 17. Spent my 18th birthday in the north Atlantic on a tanker and hitchhiked across the country to get enough space between me and my family to be able to breathe. You can break free and find a new life. I didn't even call home for years. When i did visit my hair was half way down my back. Still can't be around many of them for long. You can do it, enjoy the ride.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

thank you pastor george for your response. how did you deal with the guilt of "leaving" the family that you did like? I have a little brother, and an uncle, and some family members that I really dont want to lose contact with. that is the hardest part of it all.  did you do meditations or did you just have a knowing that they would understand?

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now