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jm105

Ruined my own life, don't know what to do now

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Ruined my own life, don't know what to do now

Hey, I'll keep it really simple without going into the story too much.  I'm 26 years old.  I had a ton of interests when I was a child/young teen, but I didn't have enough foresight to structure my life so that I would be able to make a living out of those pursuits or even to learn or be involved in them at all.  I got lost in obsessive or addictive behaviors because of a deathly fear of my body, illness, self-hate, and lacking the concept that I could have positive results from doing anything.  I have wasted many years that I could have been using to develop a great life, but now I've already wasted the time and money that could have been invested in those pursuits.  I'm horribly depressed and I haven't had a social life or a generally good experience with people since I was a child.  Essentially I have wasted my life and let my spirit die over so many years that I don't feel compelled very much by the worth of whatever I can do from now on.  I will be in the shadow of the life I destroyed forever and that just makes me want to die.  

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