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I attract narcissist people :(

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I attract narcissist people :(

The other day I got into an argument with someone I know, but he wouldn't let it be.. You know the saying, let's just agree to disagree? We each had our own opinions. Well this guy managed to text over 20 times in the same hour about this subject. I didn't reply to any of them. Then when I was on social media and posted a picture, that had nothing to do with what we were arguing about, he immediately called me which I didn't answer. I was really shaken up because I think he'd been on there the whole time waiting to see when he could call me! So I decide to hide myself so that he couldn't see me on there, and he has a friend of his reach out to me, as if I wouldn't know he was involved. I ignore his friend too. Last night 5 mins. after I get home, he's standing at my door.. Oh yeah, while I was at work he called twice in 20 mins, time. My husband answered the door and told him not to come by again. I'm very frightened. I've talked to a bunch of people I know, I know I'll be ok but why is it that I keep attracting such toxic people??

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What type of person are you? Are you selfless to a fault? That can make you a perfect match. So you're more likely to really back yourself up and get to know your true self by looking at your complete opposite. 

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I'm just surprised that his desire to see you kept up even though you were giving zero contact.

 

i really don't know much about narcissists although I think I met a few.  And when we were teenagers I think my older brother was quite the narcissist.  And I would say that walt was a narcissist.  There was something in the way walt responded to my posts that triggered me and compelled me to respond.  But that is me being compelled to respond to walt.  But maybe walt was compelled to respond to everyone, to put them down so he could build himself up.

Maybe narcissists need almost constant validation that they are better and dominant over everyone else.    Maybe your confidence and energy was enough that he feels his dominance is challenged.

i was watching a video that recommends "grey stone".  That is, no matter what they do give them back "grey stone".  No emotion. No expression. Bland, grey, stone.  But you cannot say that you are giving them "grey stone".  Then they will know and try to break you out of your grey stone.  

 

Edited by Scot
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First of all, it's time to stop blaming yourself for supposedly attracting people like that into your life. I've done this for years and it hasn't done anything to alleviate the pain/anxiety that has been caused by other people; it's just placed blame (whether it be ourselves, or other people). Blame still doesn't do anything to help, it just makes us feel like we have a little bit of control over a situation. 

I agree with the poster who asked who you are as a person. It's time to step outside of yourself and be super honest about who you are...

Who are you as a person? Is who you are who other people think you are? Is there a disconnect with how you perceive yourself vs how other people perceive you?

How can you get to know yourself better? How has this experience caused you to know more about yourself?

 

While reading your experience I can't help but wonder if being a little more direct would remedy the situation. Communicating clearly, "this conversation is overwhelming me, I need some space. Thank you for understanding," offers closure that perpetually running away doesn't. I'm kind of coming from the other end of the spectrum here where I had a guy I liked ignore me... I became *obsessed* with getting closure and the harder he ignored me, the worse I got!

Do you know about intermittent reinforcement? I can't help but wonder if you've accidentally made them addicted to you due to being inconsistent in your responses! Don't blame yourself again though, the goal should be to understand with more clarity the workings beneath the surface. I had no idea about intermittent reinforcement causing addiction until just lately...

Hope this helps! Good luck!

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Thank you all. these are such helpful tips and thoughts. I really need to do some meditating! I hadn't realized some of these thoughts that maybe the reasons! I'm still freaked out by the whole experience which isn't good either so I will try some meditation to see what surfaces. I'll keep you updated as you seem to be as curious about this as I am. 

Thanks again for all your thoughts :)

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