Geri

How do I truly unconditionally love someone?

7 posts in this topic

How do I truly unconditionally love someone?

So I've heard a way of practicing unconditional love is to look at people for their potential. Look at their ability to expand and see that the same potential they had as a child they still have now. But part of me does not sit right with this. What potential SHOULD I be looking for in them? Part of this way of loving feels sort of like I'm being patronizing.

Here is why I feel this way: I'm gay and I used to go to a Christian church that did not accept that. I felt their "unconditional love" which sort of reeled me into becoming "born again". I felt so good receiving the love and attention I got from them before becoming Christian. After becoming one I realized that the unconditional love they had for me was the "love of god" aka love for your potential to become a good Christian and get into heaven. I realized this because I looked at others who "weren't saved" the same way Christians looked at me when I wasn't saved. They treated me great until after I was inducted into the faith it was sort of like a "well that job is done" and the attention wasn't on me anymore.  While being a Christian I tried to denounce my homosexuality and all it did was fill me with self hate. I realized this kind of love isn't the kind of love I want from a human or a god. It does not feel good for an aspect of me that others see as "sinful" or "wrong" to be looked over and not loved. I don't want to change to receive love. I don't want to be loved for my potential. I want every part of me to be loved fully. I want to be a child that is loved for everything they presently are and not only loved for what they might become when they grow up. 

It's difficult for me to look at someone who I deem as "less spiritually aware" or "out of alignment" and love them for their potential to become in alignment. What if the path of my personal spirituality is just not for them? I'm sure they wouldn't want my love for their potential to become something they don't want to be just as I don't want someone to love me for my potential to become a good Christian. So how do I love someone who holds beliefs and commits actions I see as especially harmful? I know that they are coming from a place of trying to make things better but I just can't seem to love them. Loving them for their potential to not be harmful does not feel like true love to me. Loving someone without approving of them does not feel ethical to me.

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Close personal relationships, I'm sorry to admit, are conditional.   My first sentence could make a lot of people very angry but please hear me out.  If someone you have a close personal relationship with and love, starts treating you horribly... if he or she turns hateful, or angry, becomes a murderer,  or an alcoholic or drug addicted, or narcissistic etc... then you may have to protect yourself from such a person.  You would have to end or limit the personal relationship.  Those are some of the conditions that I am talking about.

But, you can still wish them well.  If someone else is angry or hateful, you don't have to be angry or hateful towards them.  Your heart can still be open and filled with loving-kindness and you can hope the same for them.  That's the type of love that Christians say they extend to all people, but often they don't. 

Now, on the other hand.  I don't think you need to denounce your homosexuality.  You need to be who you are.  I think you can find someone who chooses you for who you are and who you'll be.  I hope you find a special someone who loves all of you, truly, madly, deeply.   You may even believe that you have found your soul-mate.  But I think I can guarantee that down the road you will find differences between you.   Then you'll have to learn to love those differences too.

 

We all need to be who we are.  But if we are angry, hateful people then I don't think we should be that.  We should be trying to connect, not divide.  I think we need to look at why we are angry or hateful, then break away from that and get to our loving side.  

May we all have hope

May we all be happy

May our hearts be open and filled with loving-kindness, both for ourselves and for others.

Edited by Scot
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Hey Geri, i found your post quite aware. I mean, you have nice feelings and insights. Now, i would personally firstly say you know that you dont need to love everyone, and that is not really the point. If you are still evolving, you should be able to say -no to what you dont like, and yes to what attracts you, or what you approve of. Hum. But, if you want to know how it is to love all human beings, i suppose its done through knowing and loving yourself first, which totally means yes, you love all apsects of yourself, in every minute, moment, you become everything you are. Potential? You see potential in anger too, you see potential in tendency to manipulate too, potential to transform that incentive of theirs into the anger, rage, fear they are suppressing, disowning. Although what i just said is probably abusive towards oneself too, because the more genuine we become, the more we hate, disapprove their false love and all of that, this is how I feel at least. So, potential is something that shines, they didnt mean potential for you when they wanted to convert you, they saw a child, an easy object for manipulation to convert, convince, conform, an empty cup to fill with alp they have been fed with - bullshit. :)) 

Hum. I would say, do not look for the potential in them, just try to understand yourself, your own feelings, and there you are, knowing them, understanding them, accepting them - loving them.

i think i should start keeping these thoughts for myself, my book, ppl that would actually provide me life to continue :))) -money. :))  

cheers, i like gay ppl, i have always felt vibrationally close to Queens (i cant remember how they were called precisely in English). I once danced Voguing, i was once voguing, if you know it, it originates from transvestites homosexuals who took postures from magazines to create dance movements out of them. I am sorry if i offend you with what i just said. My vocabulary is limited here :)

 

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4 hours ago, Scot said:

But, you can still wish them well.  If someone else is angry or hateful, you don't have to be angry or hateful towards them.  Your heart can still be open and filled with loving-kindness and you can hope the same for them.  That's the type of love that Christians say they extend to all people, but often they don't. 

Now, on the other hand.  I don't think you need to denounce your homosexuality.

I feel that even wishing them well in a way feels sort of patronizing, or at least for now it does. I feel like the best course of action for me at the moment is to just not associate with them and find people who I can approve of. Or maybe I'm just tired of living around people who don't truly approve of me, and so I project that and don't approve of them. I need a break from all the disapproval in my life.

Also I'm no longer denouncing my homosexuality, and I'm no longer a Christian. All that happened two years ago and it brought me here lol.

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3 hours ago, Majda said:

Hum. I would say, do not look for the potential in them, just try to understand yourself, your own feelings, and there you are, knowing them, understanding them, accepting them - loving them.

cheers, i like gay ppl, i have always felt vibrationally close to Queens (i cant remember how they were called precisely in English). I once danced Voguing, i was once voguing, if you know it, it originates from transvestites homosexuals who took postures from magazines to create dance movements out of them. I am sorry if i offend you with what i just said. My vocabulary is limited here :)

 

I guess that would be a good step in the right direction. Also yes, I know about vouguing and I love it lol. I actually kind of want to join a class for it. That would be fun haha. ❤

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38 minutes ago, Geri said:

I guess that would be a good step in the right direction. Also yes, I know about vouguing and I love it lol. I actually kind of want to join a class for it. That would be fun haha. ❤

yeah, you can send me some videos afterwards :P

love,

M

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