Papaya111

Black and white

3 posts in this topic

Black and white

Hi dear tribe,

i recently realised 

a) that i have a deep fear in myself present almost 24/7, this fear makes me lie, pretend, have to say Yes when i wanna say no, use people, manipulation, victim neediness, debts,...i am glad i did become aware of it

b) there is a lot of judgement and resistance in me, i tend to see the world black and white in my mind.. i realised the ridiculness of this but my internal judge is very strong and wont stop

Today i went to one cozy vegan restaurant to get some tasty food i love (i love that place) and i saw a guy who i knew before and there were other nice people there but because of my fear i did not let them know even by my facial expression that i like them and that they are nice but my whole face went hard as some rock armour and i felt they were scared by me and kinda not so happy i visí teď the restaurant and that made me feel really sorry for that in my heart... i want to connect with people love jen and have good relationships with them and not to act and be perceived s some hater...

once one psychic person and spiritual guru whom i really admired told me i am a psychic vampire and since then i started judging myself off thinking badly about myself almost hating myself and i dont know what to do with that... i felt so scared that i could hurt other people so that the only thing i could do to prevent it is reject myself, judge myself off even more and bude myself behind the could mask even more... my heart a He's when i am writing this

Have you experienced something similar in your life?

have you any insight?

 

thank you

 

 

 

 

 

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Hello,

I face the exact same "problem". The cure is to visualize that you're confident when you start your day. You can do that in the bed, in front a mirror. Put yourself in different situations and play them, always with the mindset that you're self-confident. Hope that helps :)

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wow, that psychic really helped you out :P It depends however on the tone he/she said it with, weather to just make you aware, or to accuse you of anything. Which one was it? did it hurt you or just stupefied you? was it a sort of condemnation you felt or just an eye opener? 

i love psychic vampires! just kidding, but we are all there for a reason, tap into the vampire in you, try communicating with it

i think you are on the right track just being aware of this all... 

i am very much like you ;) sometimes, or often

dont eat yourself up for being defensive! you have gone through stuff, and see how much you are aware now, your consciousness and body need processing of all that... I am not sure if i am the right person to talk to u about this, since i very much suffer from the same shit... Anyway, what are nice ppl? how are they? are nice ppl good enough to be your friends? 

i suggest you just tap into the fear, in the afraid child and communicate with it, deeply, try to understand what it wants from you, what it needs from the world, why is it there, how does it look... 

Teal has a technique, that i use sometimes unconsciously which is inviting the feeling to get bigger. Inviting the dread to become bigger, the vampire to get bigger, to possess you entirely... I am not sure how this technique continues, if anyone knows please tell us, i assume you invite to get bigger to a degree you can see it from a far, see yourself from, or that is maybe me, i am dissociating, i have no idea... 

i am not sire if i helped you or did things for you worse :)) 

love,

M

Edited by Majda
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