TatianaM

Overreaction to aggression

7 posts in this topic

Overreaction to aggression

Hello. When I start talking about my overreaction with others, they will usually tell me that it wasn't my fault, that my response was adeqauate and I simply wanted to defend myself. But I don't know still. I would be grateful to hear some new perspectives and maybe stories. Two months ago I was jogging in the park with my mom, then we saw two homeless dogs. I love animals, I am vegan myself and I never had any problems with animals before. They were pretty big, at first they were acting normal and I had no problems with them. They were obviously hungry, sniffing my pockets and hands, and then one dog licked my hand and bit it lighly. It didn't hurt at all, but I automatically put my hand in the pocket to get pepper spray. Then it growled quietly but aggressively,  I stepped back, the dog stepped forward and I pepper sprayed it. It yelped in pain and ran away. At first my mother didn't understand why I did it. She thought they were acting friendly, but when she heard my side of story, she agreed that it was self-defense and was glad I didn't wait until it bit me hard. So I don't know still was it self-defense or overreaction. I know that I felt scared and I felt like I was in danger, I saw the dog coming towards me, I felt it teeth and tongue on my hand. What scares me is how my mom reacted, bc it all happened before her eyes. why she was shocked by my action?

There was also one time when I was fighting my brother, he hit me, I hit him back, then he splashes hot tea on me, then I got the kettle and splash the boiling water back. It all happened in the blink of an eye. His hot tea did hurt, but my boiled water left visible burns on his face. My mother was very upset with both of us and I was angry at first, saying that it was him who hit me first (but honestly his hits weren't that hard) and him who splashed the hot tea first. The realisation came 2 hrs after and I apologised and admitted that i was wrong.

Overreaction seems to be my response to any aggression. When I was growing up and someone raised their voice on me, I pretended that this person didn't exist and imagined them dead. When someone tried to bully me at school, I bullied them back, telling them to die. When I thought someone didn't like me, I ignored and avoided them. Needless to say I never was popular.

I don't think I'm a sociopath, because I am very empathetic person. And I hate to see someone suffer. After both situation I felt numb, like I didn't hurt the dog, or my brother, but I hurt myself. I don't know what's causing the overreaction and I'm really scared of it, I don't want to end up murdering someone. Sorry for my english.

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Hi TatianaM,

i definitely think you are escalating aggression.  

I can't really speak for the homeless dog but at one time I did watch a lot of Dog Whisperer.  It is possible that you jerked your hand away and appeared scared and this dog reacted to your being scared by becoming aggressive.  (Some dogs are like that).   

And with your brother, he escalated aggression by splashing with tea.  And then you escalated even further by going for the kettle.  

I think you have to take an honest look at why you are escalating.  Do feel like you always have win?  Do you feel like you can't rely on anyone else to help?  If you feel like you can't rely on anyone else then you might feel like you have no choice but to resort to physical violence.

When I was younger, maybe I got convinced that if I asked for help then I was "telling on someone" and I was a fink.  So I did try to take matters into my own hands when I probably should have asked for help. 

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Hi Scot, thanks for reply. I want to start with saying that I don't like violence, I don't like watching people fight, I don't like violence in the movies, I don't like the energy of aggression. Peace is in my value system. So when I do react in this way I feel crappy afterwards, it is not like I feel guilt, I feel more like shame. I can only access these emotions, I don't have an access to emotions when I'm in the moment. It is like something snaps in me and I can not stop until I feel like I'm safe. I know with my brain that it is more safe to just walk away and ask for help, but in the moment like I said something snaps in me and I go for the thing that will harm the aggressor the most. I also attract aggressive situations all the time. I already threw chairs, bottles, rocks, took knives. I'm so scared of killing someone and ending up in jail.

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Hey Tatiana, how are you now? I love this topic to be honest because there is deeply seated personality and emotion of yours that i would like to help you with,..  Ok, so, first I would tell you dogs are perfect mirrors of ours. Dog felt the seated personality and feeling of yours, that's why it growled. It IS something a considerate and thorough shadow work would unveil and help you with, but i think you need assstance for this. The outbursts are not normal (healthy) and may escalate, why I think it's good you're looking for answers. Tell me how tou feel now regarding this, so we can keep on eventually

(I can relate to some of this btw, that's why I am saying what I am saying, and... ) 

Best

Edited by Mai-da

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Hey Mai-da, I'm doing better, thank you. I agree with you on dogs, I never was afraid of dogs before, even strays. I only experienced aggression from them when I felt extremely powerless to change anything and I think that was the root of my overreactions. So um it is painful to remember some things, like that ugly conflict with my brother. It was hard for me to accept and I had crisis over it, thinking what this meant for me. Can I really hurt someone? From the place I'm in right now, I think not. Both of us felt powerless to live together and now I spend lots of time working and doing stuff, so I don't see him at all and I hope I succeed manifesting moving out somewhere far away. "everyone's competing for the love they won't receive, cause what this palace wants is release" this line came up I love Lorde. Thank you for asking <3

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Yeah sure... Ok, let me know, cause it's not that YOU can hurt anyone, we are split you understand, so there are aspects that are hidden in the subconscious and they get triggered and we do stuff in a rather unconscious state. And if that is the case, then it's not just your brother that can trigger that, he himself shouldn't be the reason or the trigger itself, something like that... Ok, we're here if anything, good luck on your plans ..

***

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Thanks for your concern. It can happen. But it happens less? Like I used to attract all kinds of dangerous situations before, because I felt like there's no help in this world and no one cares. I did a cp session on this and I started caring for this child. I try my best not to put this child in situations that can trigger my protector self and I'm not even going to be humble about it, I never felt that safe before. Even though I live in pretty unsafe environment and my brother is not very stable, maybe it will sound m up, but he stopped being that aggressive w me after that conflict. All my coping mechanisms helped me survive and I'm grateful for that, I've been through some tough shit, I don't expect anyone to understand.

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