ste92k

Feeling pulled towards people who are not good for me/abusive

4 posts in this topic

I'm feeling like divided in two. One part of me wants to get back in contact with a guy I used to see until recently and the other part of me wants to just stay away from him. It's like I feel like I'm still a match to people who abuse/disrespect me, and i prefer that compared to being alone or waiting for another person.

I don't like to resist to this feeling, as I know it will remain there until I deal with what is causing it. But in the meantime I feel an incredible resistance for not letting myself get in contact with this person.

Have you ever felt this way?

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37 minutes ago, ste92k said:

I'm feeling like divided in two. One part of me wants to get back in contact with a guy I used to see until recently and the other part of me wants to just stay away from him. It's like I feel like I'm still a match to people who abuse/disrespect me, and i prefer that compared to being alone or waiting for another person.

I don't like to resist to this feeling, as I know it will remain there until I deal with what is causing it. But in the meantime I feel an incredible resistance for not letting myself get in contact with this person.

Have you ever felt this way?

@ste92kI've definitely felt this way. For me, I was in a loop of self-hatred, and super low self esteem. I couldn't help but attract guys that would be really into me at first, then use every waking moment to tear me down - some even physically. It's taken (not saying this is necessary, by any means, it was just my path) 7 years of being single, and doing self work to be ready to try dating again. I would never have been able to take hearing that 7 years ago, but once I started really practicing self-love, and raising my vibration, I just stopped attracting that dynamic. It took practice, and just gradually building confidence that people weren't out to get me if they were attracted to me, and if I wasn't feeling it, to just let it go. It's really served me well. 

There so many levels of someone not being good for you. :( I've dumped guys who just wanted to stay in and never go out though they were nice enough, I've dumped guys who were far too eager to be with me physically and seemed to have that as their ultimate goal. It's been a spree of me teaching the Universe what I want and don't want, lol. I really started observing what 'love' looked like to me, and what I wasn't getting from those dud relationships that was making me feel so utterly tortured. 

When I'd keep going back to my really emotionally abusive exes, it felt good for a while, like a craving, and of course I got attention because I boosted their ego in the event of my return (feeling like you've made someone come back to you is an ego gorge for them, for sure). But then the abuse was worse, and more intense than ever before. They had missed their favorite punching bag. I, personally, needed to be alone to really go through my feelings of being 'not good enough.' More than anything, I felt that internally, and it shaped my entire world, not just my personal life.

Try not to resist the feeling, have the feeling, experience it. You don't need to actually reconnect with the person to resolve that pang. But especially if the person is abusive, and your intuition tells you to stay away, don't reach out to them. Do anything else that helps you not to feel like they're the only person you have. You can reach out here, to talk, any time. If you have close friends (I try not to say that because I've gone friendless in my spiritual journey a lot and nothing hurts more than someone telling you to call a friend when you don't have any), give em a PM. 

Hang in there. You'll make it through the pangs, and it won't necessarily take that long. Do little things that cheer you up in the meantime, just easy gestures that you enjoy. Tea, a nice walk, take yourself out for lunch, watch a fun movie (or a sad movie where you can have a really good cry). I married Grey's Anatomy during my break up with a friend with benefits that dumped me on the 4th of July for the girl who became his fiance. I even had a teddy bear that I would sob into. It's whatever you need to do to get it out without that fix. You don't have to go back to someone who's a jerk to you, you're wonderful, and you deserve to be around people that treat you like you're royalty. 

I know I've gone on for a bit, but I'm really passionate about this subject as I've experienced it many times in my life. Hope this helped. :) 

-Steph

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1 hour ago, ste92k said:

I'm feeling like divided in two. One part of me wants to get back in contact with a guy I used to see until recently and the other part of me wants to just stay away from him. It's like I feel like I'm still a match to people who abuse/disrespect me, and i prefer that compared to being alone or waiting for another person.

I don't like to resist to this feeling, as I know it will remain there until I deal with what is causing it. But in the meantime I feel an incredible resistance for not letting myself get in contact with this person.

Have you ever felt this way?

I've felt that way before cause I had trouble letting go of all the energy I put into my past relationships.  

I've also been like that with certain people I hung out with because they can be fun I be around but bad for you.

The universe ended up drilling holes in all my friendships and relationships lol so I had no choice but to let go.

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I've been in abusive relationships before...

My opinion is: that shadow work is definitely in order, but until that shadow work is started, these feelings should be resisted. I hear you 100% about not wanting to resist, spirituality 101 :) but if you don't resist this urge/feeling and do go back to those sort of relationships that shadow work won't occur. So a way to look at it is that resisting this particular attraction is a very self loving thing to do because it will allow you to work on healing yourself.

Another benefit is that because you are resisting the feeling it will persist. This will give you a chance to be unconditionally present with these feelings and get to the bottom of them. :) just my opinion, all the best to you...

 

Edited by authorofdarkness
grammar
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