Micah

Invalidation Is Detrimental For An Empath

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Invalidation Is Detrimental For An Empath

It has recently occurred to me that the long episodes of depression that the Empath will endure are caused by invalidations to our uber strong intuition. In fact it can be detrimental to ones psyche. Many people in our lives will deny us of validation of our intuition which can be very confusing and force you into a downward spiral of a self identity crisis. 

Being stuck in a toxic relationship where your partner is one to not admit to being wrong, a pathological lier or just a absolute manipulating narcissist happens too often in the journey of the Empath. 

Why must we rely on someone else for validation of our own intuition? Is it because we are too trusting? Do we expect people to be as honest as we are? Will we sabotage our freedom from resistance if we become cautious and suspicious?

My theory is this: people, especially a narcissist can pick up on your strong intuition and it is a threat to them. An Empath's intuition takes away ones freedom of charades. Because of the threat to the ego, especially the caliber of one as a narcissist, you will almost always be denied validation from someone trying to be great in your eyes. It's human nature, survival of the fittest.

In conclusion, always trust your intuition, no matter what. If you are in a relationship and you notice that you have to put aside your own feelings to remain cordial most often, chances are the person is toxic to your journey of enlightenment and staying in one of these relationships for too long can cause you to start from square one to gain back your self identity, once you wisely exited.

Thank you

Love and light

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@walt I totally agree, when you make yourself into a victim, you are giving away your power. Unfortunately, suffering is the path to enlightenment for many. We must forgive ourselves and take responsibility for our life. I wanted to create awareness and you made a great point to practice.

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21 hours ago, Micah said:

Invalidation Is Detrimental For An Empath

It has recently occurred to me that the long episodes of depression that the Empath will endure are caused by invalidations to our uber strong intuition. In fact it can be detrimental to ones psyche. Many people in our lives will deny us of validation of our intuition which can be very confusing and force you into a downward spiral of a self identity crisis. 

a pathological lier or just a absolute manipulating narcissist happens too often in the journey of the Empath. 

Why must we rely on someone else for validation of our own intuition? Is it because we are too trusting? Do we expect people to be as honest as we are? Will we sabotage our freedom from resistance if we become cautious and suspicious?

chances are the person is toxic to your journey of enlightenment and staying in one of these relationships for too long can cause you to start from square one to gain back your self identity, once you wisely exited.

Thank you

Love and light

Hello... 

First i'd like to say i have never considered myself an empath, didnt even know what that was, but i believe now that i am one... 

I love your topic cause i can relate to all of it in a way. And i didnt know empaths do suffer from depression multiple times of life... i have been very hurt to not have been apriciated and my intuition yes validated and am shutting myself more and more, while i have always been helping around, whenever i can... But i am suffering from depression at the moment and am not sure if i will (allow to) survive, since i am also very much afraid past is going to repeat itself... Am trying to control my insomnia, i probably have some abbilities but lack of trust, terror and self love and accepatnce is all blocking the flow... Have not slept for couple of days now, and i feel things have changed, but can't stop the subtle influences, specially by people not aware of their current state... So i miss validation and identity so much, i miss people but cant be around most of them since i see where they are, i feel their lack, then i lack barriers, as u mention, we tend to trust all right... 

i think i am going to suffer long or am going to quit. 

i need help yet i fear connection, since i assume with an empath everything every moment is a connection... 

i feel my guides but i also dont want to be part of this shit i dont know... like i feel i should fucking obey the universe or something, which is misinterpretation, again i assume... 

anyway, i REALLY related to your post and needed to share, though i havent slept, meditated with the voice of Teal, it took me somewhere, but have so much unresolved issues, and yet how can u continue solving if you have no damn support... 

thanks anyway, really nice insight, wish we were louder, not by voice, but by self trust and more of us there, conscious of it... 

been raised by a narcissist btw and alchoholic violent towards mother artist father passed long ago,

but i love my mother inexplicably though right, she is changing i know, i influenced a bit... 

love and light thank u

 

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@Majda Thank you for your response. I am glad you could relate to the topic. I am also currently going through a depressing state, yet I'm making some progress climbing out of it almost subtly. At least the utterly profound feeling of despair has almost subsided with the help of a bipolar depression antipsychotic and anxiety meds. I don't like taking meds because it interferes with my enlightenment but so does the depression. I've experienced this state many times in my life and have been diagnosed. I miss my times of feeling connected, aligned and balanced.

On the other hand, don't quit life, there is a reason for your low mood. It's something that I need also remind myself.

Have you experienced any heightened moods? Or at least a feeling of wellbeing if not euphoria? You haven't always experienced depression? Is it a cycle or comes along when triggered with life events? 

The reason for these questions: we've all heard the teachings from our favorite spiritual teacher or guru that life is balanced with positive and negative energy, and this includes our moods. I once explained it with the concept of an EKG, you can't measure the high spikes without the low ones as well, otherwise it would flat line. Life would be bland and boring without a blend and balance of pain and comfort. I know it's hard to believe this to be so, but it is and no it makes no sense to be compelled in this life to endure suffering. But in a way it does if you believe that we are spiritual beings in a human experience not the other way around. This is a small fraction of our whole existence.

We must surrender our customary frames of reference and choose to trust a process over which we no longer have or ever had control. 

continue to meditate and believe in your gifts and let your gifts and other supernatural experiences be a reminder to you that you are much much more than this life. You are a great being, and powerful. Trust in the process and allow yourself to have comfort in knowing that you are experiencing something that you are greater than. 

Try and use this time of depression to find truth in a spiritual sense. Know that nothing is what it seems. Use your mind to formulate your desired reality. Arrange your beliefs in such a way that you just let life take it's course without any resistance, remember we are not in control like the ego wants you to believe.

I hope this has helped and I would like to keep in contact. Remember that there is no darkness, only an absence of light. 

Thank you, you have helped me in a way. This may be a great opportunity to talk about our feelings, I too shut myself off to the world when depressed like now.

love and light

 

Edited by Micah

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greettings OP.

And YES, EVERYONE is affected by seeying someone devalidatting them.

Is root chakra 101 my friend.  Survival of the one that more nearby entities want to actually keep around.

Think about that. This primal emotional gateway that helps us survive can , aalso in fact drive us crazy if we let it.

A lot of people do have kind of umbalanced root chakras so they constantly look for people to validate them at the same time they devalidate others

to feel even better.

Validation. The primal two edge sord.

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Validation is not as approval. Validating my own path, perception, potential, interests, inclinations, abilities, whatever, was what i expected and crushed me when i didnt get it. 

I sense you are right on some level, but it does crashes us. Point is intuition u know it comes from different place and is a gift, so u are grateful urself for it, but people undermining your possibilities is crushing... Its like (de)validating god. and it hurts badly when they quash it. 

its not asking them to approve me, its asking them to validate the existence of god and collective consciousness, and then ur path and humanity... 

and this all causes huge identity crisis, which is detrimental to an empath... maybe whoever faces it, here and now, its very much detrimental. i feel it strongly

..approval is needed, it is soothing, to the soul, otherwise, to whom are we

Edited by Majda
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On 12/07/2017 at 5:13 PM, Micah said:

Invalidation Is Detrimental For An Empath

It has recently occurred to me that the long episodes of depression that the Empath will endure are caused by invalidations to our uber strong intuition. In fact it can be detrimental to ones psyche. Many people in our lives will deny us of validation of our intuition which can be very confusing and force you into a downward spiral of a self identity crisis. 

Being stuck in a toxic relationship where your partner is one to not admit to being wrong, a pathological lier or just a absolute manipulating narcissist happens too often in the journey of the Empath. 

Why must we rely on someone else for validation of our own intuition? Is it because we are too trusting? Do we expect people to be as honest as we are? Will we sabotage our freedom from resistance if we become cautious and suspicious?

My theory is this: people, especially a narcissist can pick up on your strong intuition and it is a threat to them. An Empath's intuition takes away ones freedom of charades. Because of the threat to the ego, especially the caliber of one as a narcissist, you will almost always be denied validation from someone trying to be great in your eyes. It's human nature, survival of the fittest.

In conclusion, always trust your intuition, no matter what. If you are in a relationship and you notice that you have to put aside your own feelings to remain cordial most often, chances are the person is toxic to your journey of enlightenment and staying in one of these relationships for too long can cause you to start from square one to gain back your self identity, once you wisely exited.

 

This is so very true! I've been mulling over this idea recently; you articulate clearly the classic journey of realising that one has been invalidated due to others' own fears of one's exposing charades, which is important for reclaiming the sovereignty  of one's own intuition.

Something additional: I think it is worth being cautious referring too often to ideas of 'Empath' and 'Narcissist', because after the identities have served their purpose -validating one's experiences- there is the danger of them becoming a 'black-and-white', dualistic, good-and-bad, 'othering' lens which robs one seeing the humanity of the 'Narcissist', and invalidates the shadow aspect of the 'Empath' which is a 'Narcissist'. This shadow aspect often remains dormant, and usually is only activated when the person (Empath) is feeling  deeply powerless to create their life, plus are in a state where needs-trauma is triggered , hence the identity aspect of Narcissist, with its modus operandi of manipulation.  Without re-humanising (and integrating) Narcissism it remains ostracised, and seen as the 'perpetrator rather than the hurt child who didn't get their emotional needs met, which is at the heart of the adult's narcissism. 

A final caveat is that in certain situations, when one feels powerless to someone we perceive to be a narcissist, it is of course helpful to give them the role of 'the other', in order to disconnect from enmeshment and meet one's need for safety, authentic interaction, and (naturally) validation.

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@Andrea Barrett thank you so much for contributing to this thread. You have made some really great points while also validating me.

You are absolutely right about 'narcissism' being the shadow aspect of 'empathic' people. And one shouldn't invalidate the other as they are each on the opposite side of the same coin. 

I have always believed that human nature has the ability to be on either side of the vast same spectrum of any two aspects. For instance, an Empath can very well be on the extreme side of the spectrum as a narcissist and visa versa. It's all determined where we choose to be.

So, I absolutely agree with you 100%. We shouldn't be too hard on the narcissist because all Empaths have that aspect and I feel like most if not all, like myself have taken advantage of having that dormant aspect when in a desperate situation at one point or another. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Thank you!

Edited by Micah
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Hi @Majda  :)

To make sure we're all on the same page: by 'needs-trauma' I was abbreviating what I define as the category of 'trauma which relates to not getting one's needs met- in particular the original childhood trauma where one's unique needs (emotional, physical, etc.) were not met'.  

I suppose an empath stops or escapes their 'needs-trauma', by:

->      creating defense 'personalities' okay with this separation from satiety. In addition to the idea of 'personalities' one can substitute 'thought-patterns personified into sub-selves'. Essentially: empaths (and non-empaths) identify with the feeling of not getting one's needs met, as that is the initial 'normal' and thus familiar. This identification crucially occurs via justifying rationalisations and any sort of thoughts which invalidate the need.

An example: An empath stops/escaping their needs might have the belief (rooted in the thought) of being 'weak' if they need a break from people, with the context of being an introvert in an extrovert household, and their identification with the action opposite to meeting their need would be that possessing the belief (i.e. repeatedly returning to the thought) that one is 'strong' and 'good' if they successfully forces themselves to go against their need of alone-time.

      

->Also, I am sure there are other ways; the above was just the most immediate to spring to mind...

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Currently I'm growing a stronger emotional bond with all the sides of me that I've lost in my childhood. Also I'm kinda obsessed with unraveling my past traumas. I'm at a point I no longer like the same foods and exercise gives me an empowering feel. Being an empath and now feeling more than I used to I feel more alone than ever. For example while explaining my root cause of my fear of driving to my partner I quickly realized that I'm not feeling validated. He tries to throw logic to make me feel better but that doesn't help. Perhaps I should just tell him all I want is validation for how I feel. I don't need someone to try to fix the emotion. Let the emotion be present and be expressed without immediately trying to make it go away..

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My mother is a narcissist. Even though a side of me has compassion for her I also know I'm in no position to try to help her. For a couple reasons, helping her in the past proved to be emotionally damaging and not self loving. And two she doesn't want to change, that want to change has to be there. I do realize how being raised by her could be sooooo beneficial and a quick way to learn my core values. ☺️

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