amandapanda

why does this happen ...

20 posts in this topic

why does this happen ...

guy I dated for 3 months and he ended it with me 6 months ago. just texted me this morning out of no where. 

" is it bad I want to see you naked".

Um.

WTF.

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1 hour ago, Morpheus Wildcard said:

are you confused about this?

uh YEA. Because HE broke up with ME. He could be seeing me naked all the time. :P His choice.

 

 

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He sounds like a guy with an active imagination and poor impulse control.   He may or may not want you back as a girlfriend.  He probably does want to have sex with you.  

You can decide to take him back but you will be taking back a guy who broke up with you once and now indicates he has poor impulse control (in my opinion.)   But frankly, a lot of us have poor impulse control.

 

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2 hours ago, Scot said:

You can decide to take him back but

Def. not taking him back that's for sure. His behavior is depressing. I actually feel sorry for a little. 

I was going to ignore the text. As it probably serves no purpose to reply. But then again, maybe I should be honest with him and tell him he's being kind of pathetic, and to leave me alone. I dunno kind of 50/50 on it.

My biggest annoyance of the whole thing is how I managed to attract this guy into my reality. I know I deserved so much better.

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12 hours ago, amandapanda said:

 again, maybe I should be honest with him and tell him he's being kind of pathetic

Don't do that honey.

Calling his ass out will only make feel better for just a second. #EgoFeed

Then, back to wondering why he left you in the first place. #NotHatingJustSaying

Also..

His text wasnt actually that bad.  I've seen a lot worst. Enjoy it for wath it is!

greettings. 

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27 minutes ago, Morpheus Wildcard said:

Don't do that honey.

Calling his ass out will only make feel better for just a second. #EgoFeed

Then, back to wondering why he left you in the first place. #NotHatingJustSaying

Also..

His text wasnt actually that bad.  I've seen a lot worst. Enjoy it for wath it is!

greettings. 

I suppose you are right. but, honestly the whole relationship fell apart due to the fact we NEVER communicated. This is about the most I've ever gotten from him. And my suspicion was it was because he was lonely and drunk at 2 AM in the morning. And i'm the queen of not expressing myself. So, in some regards telling him how I feel would be a step UP for me. 

Anyway, you've helped me see my strong reaction to it is really about his text highlighting the deep loss and sadness I feel that I DON'T have someone real in my life, to tell me that they miss me and want me. He's just making me aware of the void that I feel. That's whats REALLY bothering me, not what he said or how he said it.

cheers.

A

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6 hours ago, amandapanda said:

And i'm the queen of not expressing myself. So, in some regards telling him how I feel would be a step UP for me. 

I would sent him a photo of a BARE HAND WITH THE MIDDLE FINGER UP. That's it. No words. Nothing . 

19 hours ago, amandapanda said:

My biggest annoyance of the whole thing is how I managed to attract this guy into my reality..

So you can practice to stand up for yourself and be ready next time in case someone says it to you in person.

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yes, 

8 hours ago, Joseph~ said:

It could be that same direct authentic expressiveness that made you notice and attracted you to him in the first place.

but it's always a fleeting glimpse.  Just enough direct honesty... then silence. 

You are right. He's a good guy. I can see that. I really don't think it's gross / dirty wrong what he said.  In the right context I would LOVE it. I love words of affirmation. I love flirty texts. I love hearing words of desire and attraction. THAT is what I didn't get when we were actually together.

I only don't like it because we haven't spoken in 6 mons. And the reasons we broke up were due to this lack of communication!

SO, it seems he can only communicate himself when he's 1) DRUNK  2) Desperate and has been starved for a long time. Not particularly attractive..

But again. I'm using this as a mirror. And an excuse to work with my emotions. My regret about picking the wrong guy (again!) My sadness that he wasn't ready to communicate and commit, or fall in love with me, to improve my boundaries and communication style, and release my need to save or rescue people who are emotionally constipated and in pain ( i would like the one to be supported and helped, for once).

Besides! There's a good chance he doesn't even remember sending the message!!!

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I personally like those kind of direct verbal expressions of desires. Simple and direct, honest. He didn't expect anything from you and you do not need to give anything back, i would just personally appreciate his honesty so much (that would probably fall in love or something :))) so, you can just end up smiling, at his sweetness, shyness, or lack of ability to be eloquent or sensitive enough for you, or whatever it is that you mind. That is a mirror to you yes, and I am sure your subconscious was actually "willing", if you know what I mean, at the time you received the message.. Hummm :):):) 

also, He has maybe been thinking of you for 6 months, what you had and all, also maybe subconsciously regretting or something... Have you thought of that? Is it credible? 

Anyway, take care, love ya all **

Edited by Majda

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 I guess by accident  he's watched Teals video ,,Meet Your Needs'' so guy went straight for the ,,salt'' in this case sugar  B|

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Mark, being direct but not arrogant is the clue. If you are that way in the moment, it means you need some sort of healing. 

no one is violating your boundary, You are expecting something so you allow. Expecting is again your own misinterpretation of something, at that time, there. 

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With regard to "being direct".

I think we can draw an easy distinction between "being direct" and "beating around the bush" or being indirect. In my opinion, to ask "is it bad I want to see you naked?" is not actually all that direct.   It is indirect.  It possibly carries an implication that he would like to get back together, or just have sex but also leaves room to say "oh I never meant that".  

And I think there is a lot of room between stating your opinion nicely and politely to stating your opinion flatly to stating  your opinion in an offensive way.   All three could be "direct".

"Being direct" does not necessarily mean "being offensive".

 

Edited by Scot
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7 hours ago, Mark Joseph Middleton said:

Sex is often honest at least.

I guess it can be honest.

It didn't feel that way to me after a while... it felt incredibly lacking, because there was no communication, no emotional intimacy. 

I don't think he was a bad guy. I just think we had a fundamental difference in our needs. I need to feel deeply emotionally connected to want sex, and to make sex good.  As the relationship progressed, it really hit a wall and I started to pull away. It started to feel like he just wanted the sex. I actually understand why, he just got out of a marriage. He probably wasn't interested in gettin into another serious realationship. At first, I didn't want that either, but I was going against my own grain. I realized pretty quickly I couldn't have a realtionship based on sex alone.  So I was realived when he broke it off.  He's just lonely, and in that way, I'm not that flattered. By his come on. I want someone to want me because I'm amazing, not because he's lonely, and sad.

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