Ripley

Victim dynamic

2 posts in this topic

Victim dynamic

I was cooking in the kitchen when my parents and brother got in a "fight". This has been happening more and more frequently (last year or so). My brother and I have similar childhood trauma, although we react differently when triggered. He gets angry and I close off and try to be complacent to my parents. 

My parents are very controlling of my brother (me too although I do everything I can to keep them from finding something to try to 'fix' about me). So they started nit picking on him and he starts to get angry. They then get upset that he's angry and make it seem like they're the good guys. 

Its taken me a long time to notice this dynamic since I've been so caught up in it (I'm still in high school and living at home). What I'm trying to say is that my house is very uncomfortable to live in. I'm afraid all the time if I'm not dissociating. 

Do you think I can communicate with them? I don't know what they'd say or what to say. Would they even listen to me? I'll be going to college in a year but I don't want to not doing anything.  I'm afraid my brother will either kill himself or side with my parents like I did when I was younger, and never find peace. It sounds and feels like the victim dynamic Teal was talking about. 

 

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@Mark Joseph Middleton Hi, my mother is the main one causing it, but my father usually sides with her after it's started. They will not be receptive to the video. Neither of them think I have a problem in the first place. 

I know my mother has a 'life is tough you need to pull your crap together' and a 'you must sacrifice yourself in order to have a good life' mentality. Ive adopted the same mentality of not feeling good enough myself, but I've picked up on it a few years ago. 

I don't think I'm comfortable with approaching her on it yet. I have had problems with asserting boundaries and opening up a can of worms with her right now would violate that. I'm going to be away from home for three weeks this summer. I think I'm going to use that time to absorb and reflect on what I've learned from  this experience. 

Thank you and @walt for your suggestions. I appreciate it. 

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