Tombe

Mentally shut down when proposed

4 posts in this topic

Mentally shut down when proposed

I was abused as a kid. No matter how much i try & heal up i always shut down mentally whenever i am proposed for sex or if a lady kisses me. I am now 49 & have been celibate my whole life. I dont want to be celibate or single! No matter how i pysch myself up i cant get past being frozen hiding behind my eyes whenever sex comes my way. I dont know how to heal. I am still terrified i will be hurt if i have sex. As silly as it sounds this has always been with me.I have had amazing beautiful...women come all the way from USA LA to me, & what did i do i froze blacked out hide behind my eyes. I cant bear my sex paranoia no more!

I am still fighting. 

Looking into somewhere Tombe

 

I read completion process helped but am completely alone so no one to read it with me. 

Edited by Tombe

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Hi,

i might have a similar problem because I have never understood how to get hard during sex. I am initiating sexual intercourse because I want it but I have never been able to get hard. I am 35 and gay and I feel like I am shutting down everytime I am in a sexualized situation. I don't understand why. I have tried the completion process and also Byron Katie Work, and no improvement. I wish I could find a solution to my problem !

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I understand you man! And you know what it's fine to feel that way, its fine to be fucking scared, to back away and not want to kiss her. You've been through some struggles, I can fucking feel it- the struggle is real. 

But the good thing is, after so many attempts and struggles you still want to get out, you still want peace, and that's fine- thats good! So what would be a start is feeling the SENSATION not the emotion (this may seem weird and extremely odd)

Emotion=Anxiety/fear

Sensation=butterflies in your stomach

(Just an example)

A sensation is simply a way of detaching of the mental story, the more you focus on it, the less of a reaction you will receive to want to escape it and suppress its power. Do NOT label it as an emotion, merely switch to describing it as a sensation, that should be your first  practice. Once you start developing on this practice you will soon realize that the sensation has no control over you as it this "buzzing" or "wall" and will be the beginning of dis-identification, where you will gain seeps of presence. 

With the second practice you will use what you have learned on the first, and feel what you have labelled (the sensation) and stay present with it, you will feel every sensation and feeling as it comes and goes, allow yourself to feel and touch the sensation, breathing into the sensation will also make it easier too; and follow it as it changes and new sensations bubble up. Don't stop believe in yourself- you can, dont worry.

Remember if you feel (example) angry, feel that as a sensation breathe into it, then continue to do that-Whenever you feel emotion change the labeling, then follow the two step process constantly do not act out these emotions, if you feel like you want to get drunk (example) feel it! stay present and GO IN THE DIRECTION OF THE SENSATION :D

Here i'll list links and edit it when I find new links:

 

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Okay . .. I am not a man but when i read the post i see that the problem could be simply with the fact that you are being proposed... so it doesn't come from you, Tombe. 

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