abused by own father in satanic cult

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abused by own father in satanic cult

Hello everyone,

I have been following Teal for a while and have been practising the completion process.

I have been raised in a "normal" family, because like Teal said, everything is normal to you when you are a child. But my parents have both been severely traumatized in their childhood. Not only in their families, my father has been beaten by his father at least but they were both traumatized in World War II as children (my father stood right next to his mother when she was hit by a bomb, he was eight years old). That is something that is so far from being cured in Germany you wouldn't believe. Yes, I know we have been the monsters and we are the victims, too. The psychological consequences are still huge. Because of this I always thought that I had adopted somehow the traumas of my parents. 

But the shadow work took me deeper and deeper and now my own suppressed memories just surfaced.  I have been abused and tortured by my own father and other men on the altar of  the catholic church in some kind of satanic ritual in my hometown. I have been drugged, tortured with electro shocks and buried alive. There have been other kids, even my own sister and a woman as well. I know who they all were - even the priest was involved, he probably initiated it.

I have no visible wounds or scars to prove it. It  started when I was 4 years old and 8 ended when I was eight. 

Of course there were symptoms later on. I got Vitiligo around my vagina and started scratching myself. Cutting would have been much too visible. I hated the church but still had to go there. I had a friend when I was ten and we did not play but acted out raping scenes in the dark party cellar of her parents. How sick is that?

I stopped functioning when I was fourty. I got my first divorce, quit the country and fled to live in the farest corner of Europe.

I am fifty now, had a second divorce (where my ex and I played every fucking victim control dynamic Teal described in her videos which I have been seeing the last six weeks without stopping because I so desperately needed to know what was going on in my life).

I always suspected that there had to be something else. Now I know. And I cannot believe myself. I really split my father into monster and good guy. The monster poured wine on me while I lay on the altar. I always hated wine (now I know why). The good guy smoked. I loved men who smoked.

Now I am sitting here. And I just lost my family. I cannot confront him. I have no proof. I cannot tell my sister. She is very immersed in the church and would not believe me even though she calls herself emotionally nailed shut. I do not know how to ever look my father in the eye again. I think that my mother knows nothing because she has been drugged so she would not wake up at night and see us gone.

If you were in my shoes what would you do? I would love to hear from people who perhaps have had the same experience. About this topic there is no help out there. It is so such a stigma and so tabu and unthinkable.

Thank you

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