scorpiogirl

abusive parents

20 posts in this topic

abusive parents

I am about to graduate from high school and i have been suffering. I don't know if i am allowed to say this on here but my parents are physically and mentally abusive. And I am trying to come off of Klonopin and the withdrawal is horrible. My trauma from my childhood is hard to heal when it's still occurring right now in the present. My parents were screaming at me telling me how much of a fuck up I am and i got to the point where i was really suicidal and feeling very urged, and my mom said give her something to kill herself with she won't do it. i dont feel physically safe in the house. i am really suffering and i don't think i will be able to get well here. i am trying to get off Klonopin which was prescribed for my panic attacks. I feel dissociative most of the time. i know my suicidal thoughts and urges to sef harm are probably amplified by this.  every night i am sent in  another panic attack which is even worse since i am tapering off of klonopin, a benzodiazipine. I regret getting on this drug but i am fully addicted. My parents think i am lying about how symptoms but as many of you probably know benzo withdrawal is actually dangerous and debilitating.

i am thinking of running away after graduation but if i do i will have no support.

I could possibly live with my aunt, who my parents hate and have cut off. but i have no job or any means of getting medical care without my parents insurance and i really need it right now. I am really at a cross roads and am really suicidal. I don't know if i am allowed to write this on here but i feel really alone and desperate.

If you know anything about how to become financially independent and what to do at my age , and anything about benzodiazepine withdrawal and safety i would appreciate any advice. 

 

Edited by scorpiogirl
  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

hi there!  i FEEL for you!!! be very sure that here is EXACTLY the right place to write about it ! and YES you have every right to tell this here, because what your 
parents did was NOT okay and you very very right to reach out for help here. Thanks for your honesty and bravery to do so! please feel seen, understood and heared!

I wish you SOOOO much that you find help here quickly!

oh my god I am incredibly sorry!!! I have lived with massively abusive parents for basically all my life, too - and they still try to repress me at this point. 

I have no experience myself being on meds but being suicidal and emotionally drained I know very well for all my life basically.

I am in no position to give you an advice in this situation. Is there maybe an emotionally healthy uncle or other relative or maybe even friend who could support you?
Ah I know see you mentioned your aunt. Yeah, if you have a good feeling with here, you could do it! especially if your parents already cutted her off. 
Physical distance could be a major step into the healing yet as you said yourself, you have to consider the aftermath. There also could be good institutions who 
support young people in crisis like you but I would make sure that they are indeed good. 

If you haven't already, I would encourage you to contact Teal / Teal's company TealEye directly. 

Know that you are supported by the potentially most loving group on earth in this hard time. Oh my god I wish I could do so much for you!! please continue to reach
out for help in place that feel safe for you (and people as well!). There are people who will lovingly and unconditionally support you, for sure! 

I wish you the very best!!! MUCHHH LOVE!!!

  • Upvote 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If I recall correctly benzodiazepines can sometimes be used to ease the withdrawal symptoms from other drugs.  But getting off benzod is apparently a real bitch.  Good luck and get off that stuff!   My heart goes out to you.

I can only hope that the following will help. I am not sure it will:  your parents just aren't thinking. They don't know how badly they make you feel.   It is terrible that they aren't thinking and you do have to get away.   

When you do have to interact with them and they say something that makes you feel like shit, as calmly as you can, ask "are you trying to make me feel like shit?"   or "why do you say things like that to me?"    "Why do you think it is okay to treat your daughter like shit?"   Something like that

If you can lessen your reaction to what they say, you will be in better control of your situation.  But it's not likely to fix everything and you still need to get away.

good luck to you!  Let us know how things are going!

  • Upvote 4

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Scot said:

 

When you do have to interact with them and they say something that makes you feel like shit, as calmly as you can, ask "are you trying to make me feel like shit?"   or "why do you say things like that to me?"    "Why do you think it is okay to treat your daughter like shit?"   Something like that

I am not sure if staying calm would help in her situation . .. why not get angry? isn't it already bad enough ? people continue treating others badly because there's no reaction to it. Or the reaction that they can see and hear. 

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

3 hours ago, Garnet said:

I am not sure if staying calm would help in her situation . .. why not get angry? isn't it already bad enough ? people continue treating others badly because there's no reaction to it. Or the reaction that they can see and hear. 

Hi Garnet:   Here is what I had in mind.   It seemed to me that the parents weren't really thinking.  They are just "acting".

  There is a theory called "transactional analysis" which basically says  that people have three parts inside them.  a "PARENT" which isn't really rational but is supposed to do the "morally right" thing (but sometimes doesn't) a "CHILD" part which isn't really rational either,  and an "ADULT" part that operates rationally.

Now, from what she has written, it seems to me like her parents are acting irrationally like a "PARENT" talking down to a impulsive "CHILD". So if Scorpio girl comes back reacting with her CHILD self (impulsive, angry, scared) it might just prove to that irrational PARENT that they are right.  But if scorpiogirl comes back talking like a calmly assertive ADULT (rational person) then that sends the message "don't treat every like a child.   I'm not a child anymore".  My hope would be that the ADULT inside her parent would actually start listening.

All people do have the right to get angry and protect themselves.   But if there is a hint of child fear or "pity-me-I-am-just-a-kid" then a PARENT who isn't nurturing isn't going to snap out of anything and become nurturing.  Getting angry and yelling might just turn into a yelling match (if neither side actually starts listening to each other)

Of course, I think we all have to say that the situation is really bad.   Anger or being "calmly assertive" isnt going to solve all the problems overnight.  

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Scorpiogirl, what is your family dynamic like? how do you communicate with each other? also if you are thinking of just leaving then are you capable of taking care of yourself ? do you have any job experience ?

How long you've been reading/watching about new age spirituality ? 

Your past does not define who you are! Only you define yourself !

Much love❤

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

 

On 6/8/2017 at 1:30 PM, Scot said:

 

Hi Garnet:   Here is what I had in mind.   It seemed to me that the parents weren't really thinking.  They are just "acting".

  There is a theory called "transactional analysis" which basically says  that people have three parts inside them.  a "PARENT" which isn't really rational but is supposed to do the "morally right" thing (but sometimes doesn't) a "CHILD" part which isn't really rational either,  and an "ADULT" part that operates rationally.

Now, from what she has written, it seems to me like her parents are acting irrationally like a "PARENT" talking down to a impulsive "CHILD". So if Scorpio girl comes back reacting with her CHILD self (impulsive, angry, scared) it might just prove to that irrational PARENT that they are right.  But if scorpiogirl comes back talking like a calmly assertive ADULT (rational person) then that sends the message "don't treat every like a child.   I'm not a child anymore".  My hope would be that the ADULT inside her parent would actually start listening.

All people do have the right to get angry and protect themselves.   But if there is a hint of child fear or "pity-me-I-am-just-a-kid" then a PARENT who isn't nurturing isn't going to snap out of anything and become nurturing.  Getting angry and yelling might just turn into a yelling match (if neither side actually starts listening to each other)

Of course, I think we all have to say that the situation is really bad.   Anger or being "calmly assertive" isnt going to solve all the problems overnight.  

This might work for an otherwise healthy relationship in which there was just an misunderstanding or argument, and  in which all parties are open to resolution, but this is an overtly physically and emotionally ABUSIVE relationship! Her parents have clearly shown that they have no interest in having a healthy functioning relationship with their daughter and so it seems to me that her main priority at this point should be getting away from there in order to protect her physical and emotional safety. This is not something that can be talked through. These people clearly mean her harm and she is not physically safe with them.

Edited by Rosalie
  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My advice to you is to get out  of there RIGHT NOW! Do you have friends that you can stay with for a short time? Family members? It may seem scary to just leave but you need to figure out what your best option is.  Ask yourself, what would someone who loved themselves do? Would they stay with the abusive parents or leave and face uncertainty and fear of the unknown? 

Please focus on keeping yourself safe. Don't feel like you have to make any attempts at reconciliation with your parents unless you want to. At this point, they do not deserve to have a relationship with you. It is not your responsibility to make them feel good. Ask yourself, If a friend ever treated you the way your parents are treating you, would you still be in contact with that person? The answer should be no. You need to focus on keeping yourself physically and emotionally safe which means try as best as you can to surround yourself with people who make you feel better not worse. Maybe there is a teacher at school you could trust? Avoid being alone in the same room as your parents to the best of your ability. Don't let them have any opportunities to hurt you further. Maybe stay overnight at a friends during the week if you can.

Reminder that you are not alone. You have a support network on here and you can rely on us. Please don't hesitate to contact me anytime you want someone to talk to. I don't know much about medications but I do have my fair share of experience with complicated relationships and with anxiety and suicidal ideation. Get on Youtube if you can and watch Teals video on it. It changed my life. Good luck and stay safe. Remember that this is not your fault. You do not deserve this, and you are not a fuck up. Things are going to get better for you.

  • Like 1
  • Upvote 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
6 hours ago, Rosalie said:

 

This might work for an otherwise healthy relationship in which there was just an misunderstanding or argument, and  in which all parties are open to resolution, but this is an overtly physically and emotionally ABUSIVE relationship! 

Hi Rosalie.   I want to say that I agree with you.  Scorpiogirl really needs to get away.  And I did say that in my first post (above)

But what I was also trying to say was when she does have to interact with her parents, she should try to maintain as much control as possible.   (If that is even possible).   

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
20 hours ago, Rosalie said:

 

This might work for an otherwise healthy relationship in which there was just an misunderstanding or argument, and  in which all parties are open to resolution, but this is an overtly physically and emotionally ABUSIVE relationship! Her parents have clearly shown that they have no interest in having a healthy functioning relationship with their daughter and so it seems to me that her main priority at this point should be getting away from there in order to protect her physical and emotional safety. This is not something that can be talked through. These people clearly mean her harm and she is not physically safe with them.

Rosalie, i understand where you coming from and agree that if a parent does not register that something isn't right then there is not much talking can be done. At the same time in situation like hers if she decides to pack her bags , parents can also turn around and say something like "and do not come back". So i think a decision like this has to be well thought out.

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
22 hours ago, Scot said:

Hi Rosalie.   I want to say that I agree with you.  Scorpiogirl really needs to get away.  And I did say that in my first post (above)

But what I was also trying to say was when she does have to interact with her parents, she should try to maintain as much control as possible.   (If that is even possible).   

Yes, I agree with you. Thank you for clarifying. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
9 hours ago, Garnet said:

Rosalie, i understand where you coming from and agree that if a parent does not register that something isn't right then there is not much talking can be done. At the same time in situation like hers if she decides to pack her bags , parents can also turn around and say something like "and do not come back". So i think a decision like this has to be well thought out.

Yes, I agree. It has to be Scorpiogirl's descision and leaving will certainly come with its own set of problems. I just feel like there is a point at which a relationship stops being salvageable and I felt like this was one was at that point (what with the abuse and them encouraging her to kill herself.) I don't know if you can ever come back from something like that.

I was also just so shocked and horrified after reading Scorpiogirl's post. I was scared for her life and afraid that something terrible would happen to her if she hesitated, so that's why I was so adamant about her leaving the situation.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

First off,  I want to admit that my parents werent physically abusive so I can't actually really know how scorpiogirl feels or her situation.   I can sit back like the armchair quarterback and imagine that I know exactly what she should do but the fact is I can't.   There are other people on this forum who have had a closer experience to scorpiogirl and they might be able to offer better advice.   So far the consensus on the forum seems to be "get out"!

In her original post, I did not hear that they were actually encouraging her to commit suicide.  What I heard was "Call her bluff!   She won't actually do it!"  But let's look at the logic (or lack thereof).  If they "call her bluff" she will end up feeling alone, dejected, like nobody understands.  Or she actually isn't bluffing and they end up with a dead daughter.  Either way, the situation is terrible.   That's why I say the parents just aren't thinking.  They aren't trying to understand her pain and help her with it.

And so I will say to scorpiogirl,  I want to understand.  There are people on this forum who want to understand and want to help.   There are people you know in real life who want to understand and help.   I guarantee it.

  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now