Nick S

Common interests

5 posts in this topic

Common interests

I drink no alcohol, smoke nothing, consume no caffeine, don’t watch TV, and play no video games. Also I spend very little time online, or looking at an electrical screen of any kind. I’ve experience with all of these, some more than others, but didn’t like the direction they were taking me in, and so decided to give them up. Because I avoid such, I find it hard to have “small talk” and develop relationships with others. I’ve tried sticking with just “big issues” when talking to others, and it goes OK, we might both learn something from the other, but it never leads to a relationship. Does anyone have any other ideas for what I can do to try and connect with others?

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People like to DO things sometimes. And doing things together can lead to connection. 

Small talk is comfortable (for most people).   Sometimes it leads to what we might call "big talk" by comparison.  People want to talk about what is important to them and want to feel understood.  So get the other person to talk, listen, try to understand so that you can feel what they are feeling. Unless someone really enjoys debate, do not debate.  If the point is connection then try to "feel with" them, don't analyze them.

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@Nick S I completely understand what you mean with the exception of a "small talk". Life, doesn't have to be so serious all the time!

Now to answer your question... think about how long it took you to get where you at today. It didn't happen overnight ,  right? Even if someone is genuinely interested in you and likes to hear you talking, it resonates and makes them think.... it is still going to take them on their own journey and you may not be necessary a part of it.

Longer relationships happen when people meet on the same path, have very similar thoughts and level of awareness of the world around them => all that becomes a fuel for each person's development process rather then slowing it down. I think there's always be a catch-up effect in any relationship and the greater the difference between the people, the harder it is to close the gap.

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I would recommend to you to become really aware of what you do like to do and/or talk about (interests, values, principles, subjects, hobbies, job, et cetera) and join a group or club or classe or workshop about that topic in some community centre/hub/club where you live.

Be authentic, share about yourself and show real interest, openess and curiosity about the other person experiences, opinons, story too and listen to them actively (you can search by "active listening"). That way you will attract similar people. "Your vibe will attract your tribe" ;)

Also, funny and useful videos on how to improve social and communication skills here: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCBIt1VN5j37PVM8LLSuTTlw/videos

All the best!

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