nemesis

Why are people mean to me

7 posts in this topic

Why are people mean to me

I'm a geniuly nice person, always listen to people try to help them and understand them and I get screwed over and over again by people who are the closest to me.

I know the mantra how people treat you is about them not you but I just can't shake it off, this feeling, and that they are taking my energy.

This has happened so many times by so many different people that I think I am going crazy. I don't see what am I doing wrong.

I am not the kind of person to be rude back, believe me I tried. And just think I can't defend myself. And that there is another perosn trapped in me, just observing everything. I lost myself. Which is the hardest feeling.

I'm an introvert and soft spoken person, are people just so fucking corrupted that they take andvantege of the 'weak'.

I just can't cut off everybody in my circle. They are probably two people in my circle who treat me with respect. And i don't want to be in the mercy of how other poeple feel.

Just dealing with so many shit in my life that this behaviour is just salt to my wound and I keep avoiding people because I am honestly sick of it.

How to attract good company. What am I doing wrong. 

Is it my energy. I think I have good energy, when I am alone I feel fine, but when in company people keep intruding my space till the point I have to physically push back against them.

The final straw was when I had a schoolmate we always talked on hallways,  laugh, got along good, and then I met her in party with another friend of mine and she literally looked to my friend only, not even a glance in my direction. Like wtf am I here, garbage. And she never showed before that she disliked me or anything, so freaking rude.

Why is this happening? It has ruined my self worth.

Edited by nemesis
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If the people screwing you over are family, you will have to limit your time with them, or cut ties. I cut ties with my parents for over a year before things could be civil again. If they are friends you need to really look at each person and ask yourself "How does this person make me feel about myself?" And choose your friends accordingly. We worry won't make new friends, this is really a baseless fear. If you are nice and genuine you will make new friends, I promise. I've been there. Leaving toxic friendships is hard but very worth it. 

I don't think you are "weak" I think that's how introverts are viewed, but my wife is an introvert and is very powerful. The thing introverts often do poorly is assert boundaries, that's the problem. To assert boundaries you have to know your own boundaries, so make sure you have a clear understanding of what boundaries you have. Another piece of advice I give introverts is to turn the golden rule around "make sure others treat you as you treat them..." mostly because introverts are ones who get stepped on. All in all you sound like a good person, don't give up on yourself. I can feel you are really just an awesome person going through a hard time. Things will get better with time, they always do :) 

 

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It is completely understandable why you feel frustrated. You aren't going crazy, and you are not doing anything wrong. Anyone in your position would feel exactly how you are feeling.

Every relationship we experience is a perfect reflection of some aspect of our relationship with ourselves. So keep that in mind and ask yourself:
1. What are 3 ways that I am mean to myself?
2. What are 3 ways that I am not nice to myself?
3. What are 3 ways that I do not listen to myself?
4. What are 3 ways that I do not try to understand myself?


The mantra "How people treat you is a reflection of them, not you" is flawed. What's actually more accurate is this: "How people treat you is a reflection of how you treat you."

People intrude in your space; this means they cross your boundaries. This is the Universe reflecting to you that you are not respecting your own boundaries. The Universe gives you people who cross your boundaries because it wants you to see that you don't respect your boundaries. Ask yourself:
1.What are 3 ways that I don't listen to how I feel, or make myself do things I don't want to do?

When you met the schoolmate at the party and she treated you that way, it was a reflection of some aspect of yourself. So ask yourself:
1.What are 3 ways I treat myself like garbage?
2.What are 3 ways I pay attention to other people but ignore myself?
3.What are 3 ways I am rude to myself?


And then after you ask all of these questions, put your hand over your heart and ask yourself, "What can I do right now that will make me feel like I value and love myself?" And then do it. Ask yourself this at least once a day, do it as much as you like.
Once you begin to ask these questions and make loving yourself your top priority, I promise that the people who make you feel bad will naturally start to fall away, and the ones who make you feel good will naturally flow into your experience.

rose.jpg

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3 hours ago, strangebotwin said:

The mantra "How people treat you is a reflection of them, not you" is flawed. What's actually more accurate is this: "How people treat you is a reflection of how you treat you."
 

This is very interesting because I think both are true.  

Yogi Bhajan - If you are willing to look at another person's behavior towards you as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves rather than your value as a person, then over time you will cease to react at all.

On the other hand, I agree with strangebotwin as well.  If a person thinks of themselves as garbage then they will find a long stream of people who treat them that way.  I guess that is the Law of Attraction at work.

So what is the solution?  One pretty good sized step for me was when I realized that just because people in my past have treated me like garbage, I don't need to the think of myself as garbage.

Edited by Scot
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On 5/31/2017 at 3:57 PM, nemesis said:

I am not the kind of person to be rude back, believe me I tried. And just think I can't defend myself. And that there is another perosn trapped in me, just observing everything. I lost myself. Which is the hardest feeling.

Nemesis, I think this is exactly what you need to do - stand up for yourself and you will find that lost part of you !

 

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I was like you, in the sense that I was "nice" to everyone and then felt screwed over. I have spent a lot of time reflecting on this in my own life and how it got that way. I've come to the conclusion that it comes down to boundaries. There are two other people who replied to your post who comment on boundaries. Yes, it's true, I believe, that one needs to have boundaries to feel respected. 

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