4 posts in this topic

Should I use the Complession Proccess to learn if I was raped?

So I have a memory fragment were my older brother, to put it lightly, coerces me to have sex when I was a little kid. I don't remember any actual sexual intercourse, but it's fairly obvious were it's going from the memory. Don't know if it's real or not. If it is I'm going to be moving in with him during the summer, when I move to college, and I'm going to have to bring it up, but I don't know if it's real or not. I haven't used the completion process so it's still fragmented and traumatized. It could be real because the memory fragment is very real and lucid, and I didn't have a full understanding of sex (especially male on male sex) at the time. I did know about sex though so I don't know if I made up the memory in a dream or if it's real, because I didn't have the full information to understand what male on male sex involved, but I didn't have knowledge of hetro sex. I have looked up Teal's video on false memories, but I don't know what to do in terms of integrating the memory. If I do integrate the memory I'm going to have to face the reality. I don't know what the reality is, but I couldn't face that reality if it meant my brother raped me, but I cant just selectively integrate everything else besides that memory, because eventually I'd stumble across it. So I can either keep the completion process and face the memory or give up completely on the completion process to preserve my relationships and my sanity. I don't know what to do and I'd like some advice. I have opened up to one person about this outside of my family, they don't know what to do.

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In my non-expert and humble opinion, the completion process is the same or similar to hypnosis.  Years ago, it seemed to be the trend to try to recover lost memories through hypnosis.  And, if I understand correctly, a lot of false memories were created.   

The "completion process" is meant to help you resolve anxiety, anger or emotions that affect you now but you don't know why you have such strong reactions.  So...

-when you think of your relationship with your brother, both now and while growing up, do you have a good brother/brother relationship? Are you content that you have a good relationship with your brother?

-Are you okay with your own sexuality?  You don't have to answer this but have you had positive sexual experiences?  Do you feel pretty positive about sex overall? Live and let live sort of thing?

 *edit* I just watched Teal's video on repressed and suppressed memory. And also watched the video on false memory.  I want to add to my answer.

-as I tried to say above, try to look as objectively as possible at your life-long relationship with your brother and at your own sexuality.  If all seems well then maybe this part of your life is fact "complete".

-on the other hand, your feelings toward the memory are not "complete".  Teal said "don't look at memories as true or false but look at them as VALID".  If it was just a dream that dream itself may have been traumatic enough that it needs resolution.

I think my humble and non-expert opinion is to NOT tamp down that which causes anxiety.  Be open that the reason for the memory (whether it is true or false) will reveal itself in time.

Edited by Scot
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Firstly thank you for taking the time to look up those two videos. You have no idea how much that means to me.

-My relationship with my brother has been fairly bad. I've always felt inadequate and under his shadow though out my life, and he views me as the younger child that the parents always defend and he's the one our parent treat unfairly. I've broken his neck after we got in a fight once (he had to go to physical therapy). Even though we've had a very dysfunctional relationship. Both of us wanted to have a close relationship, but we never were able to make it work (as far as I can tell). So our relationship is dysfunctional on so many levels but their is a desire to have a stable relationship on both sides.

-I'm very nervous about my sexuality and relationships. I get flustered and nervous and I shut down when people show any interest in me romantically or I find someone attractive. I am gay and very comfortable with that preference, but I'm still deathly afraid of relationships. I always though that my nervousness was related to no one ever showing any interest in me romantically as a child, but I don't know if that is the case (I just assumed that was the case). I am a virgin (as far as I know).

-About the hypnosis. I know the part I currently remember is a real memory. I can remember my childhood self suppressing (consciously ignoring) the memory, because I couldn't figure out if it was a dream or real life. However even though their is the suppressed part of the memory I can now remember. Their is a repressed part that has the actual truth. I can remember it being initiated and then I don't remember anything until the next day in the middle of the day when I decide to suppress the memory. So the repressed part is the actual act (If their is one) and the following morning.

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-You said you are off to college soon.  So you must be about 18.   Don't worry about not having a sexual relationship this far.  Seems pretty normal and natural (based on the 18-year-olds that I know)

-desire on both sides to have a stable relationship sounds good to me.   Teal has a video about "Stop trying to love them and try to understand them".   Of course, the video is meant for married couples but I think the same principle should apply.  If you two take the time to try to understand each other then you might get that stable relationship.  Of course, if he closes his mind and has no interest in understanding you then it probably isn't going to go well.

-what you resist, persists.   So given that you seem to have a lot of anxiety about this, it makes sense for you to unpack it.  But keep in mind that you might uncover a real truth, or you might uncover a horribly vivid dream.   You don't know.

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