mayablue

PSYCHIATRIC MEDICATION: What If There's No Choice?

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PSYCHIATRIC MEDICATION: What If There's No Choice?

I'm about to ask my doctor for the psychiatric medication I've been avoiding for six years (since the onset of my bipolar disorder), and although you can imagine it's taken a lot to get me to this point, I have the same fears that kept me off them in the first place, and a degree of shame for the harm I may be about to cause myself. 

See, on the one hand, if I continue to ignore the havoc that this condition has wreaked in my life: the pain I've caused myself and others; the instability that's caused me the embarrassment of having a promising future stalled, achieving very little, going nowhere; the very real danger that I will try to kill myself again, and succeed... I will be to blame for any and all future devastation. 

But on the other hand, if I do go on meds, and I end up silencing, isolating from, or harming some vital part of myself; a piece or the entirety of my soul... then, I will be to blame for what could amount to months, years, or a lifetime of spiritual self-abuse.

I'm in last hope territory, and I don't know whether to go through with it. If you have the knowledge and experience to offer advice, or any anecdotal evidence to share, you could help tip my scales. 

Thank you, and all my squishiest love and most structurally-sound support to every one of you <3 <3 <3

DISCLAIMER: I trust everyone to be intelligent enough to understand that a person in a situation like mine has tried all manner of alternative healing modalities, self-help techniques, and life-style adjustments. Please do not waste our time by asking if I have tried __insert unhelpful suggestion here__. Not only will it be unhelpful, but it will make me feel frustrated and misunderstood. You will be ignored.

Edited by mayablue
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These are the trials and tribulations that your soul decided for you to be faced with. You can try both?! Sometimes flowing with the current is better then trying to fight and move the stream. The medications are a frequency pattern just like anything else and sometimes having this option is a way to tune your body into the proper alignment. We are all energy waves and patterns and experience this reality but everyone deserves the chance to experience a harmonic, blissful one. 

 

If I may quote Yoda, "Luminous beings are we...not this crude matter“.

Edited by Daemic V
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13 minutes ago, Daemic V said:

These are the trials and tribulations that your soul decided for you to be faced with. You can try both?! Sometimes flowing with the current is better then trying to fight and move the stream. The medications are a frequency pattern just like anything else and sometimes having this option is a way to tune your body into the proper alignment. We are all energy waves and patterns and experience this reality but everyone deserves the chance to experience a harmonic, blissful one. 

 

If I may quote Yoda, "Luminous beings are we...not this crude matter“.

Thank you, that helps... I think I was worrying too much about what other *spiritual* people might think of me if I did go on meds. But hearing your (beautiful) take on it not only makes it sound like a friendlier option, the lack of judgement is actually exactly what I (didn't even realise I) needed right now and, now that I see it, the real reason I asked the question in the first place. <3 

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I can't judge you, I don't even know you and it's not generally in my character! It's a mixed bag of jelly beans, you just have to eat the good ones! (im full of metaphors tonight phewww)

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I suffered from depression off and on for years but doctors made the determination that I didn't need medication.   I did need to talk things out and discovered that if I try to suppress my needs and emotions things get worse.  When I realize that I have needs and express them in healthy ways things go better. What you resist, persists.

My mother suffers from depression and does seem to need medication.  My mother was on Lithium for a while.  It is an anti-Bipolor medication.   None of the medications she has been on have been "lobotomy pills".   (There might be pills that make you stupid and out of it, but none of the stuff she takes seems to do that.   Don't ask for the names of the medications. I don't know.)

Edited by Scot
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If you've tried all sorts of things already then I struggle to think why medication would be any different. Most of their effect comes from the cultural weight and expectations tied to them, especially for people who buy into what they're being told about their "incurable condition".

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Kroge, drug companies are supposed to prove their drugs are MORE effective than the placebo effect.  I have heard it is true that anti-depressants are not much more effective than placebos.  But do you have knowledge about the effectiveness of drugs for bi-polar disorder?   Do you have any evidence to support your statement?

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12 hours ago, Scot said:

I suffered from depression off and on for years but doctors made the determination that I didn't need medication.   I did need to talk things out and discovered that if I try to suppress my needs and emotions things get worse.  When I realize that I have needs and express them in healthy ways things go better. What you resist, persists.

My mother suffers from depression and does seem to need medication.  My mother was on Lithium for a while.  It is an anti-Bipolor medication.   None of the medications she has been on have been "lobotomy pills".   (There might be pills that make you stupid and out of it, but none of the stuff she takes seems to do that.   Don't ask for the names of the medications. I don't know.)

I had an experience of the "lobotomy pills" you're talking about when I was put on antipsychotics during a period of hospitalisation, and it really did zombify the fuck out of me for months (until I stopped taking it.) I could barely think or speak. My creativity is fundamental to my quality of life, and I wouldn't abide any medication which inhibited that. Assuming that the effect on creativity would be inferrable from the level of out-of-it-ness in general, I think that antispychs are the heaviest duty, so if you say that whatever it is your mother's taking has been innocuous in that sense then I do feel more confident! Thank you for sharing this.

Edited by mayablue
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1 hour ago, Scot said:

Kroge, drug companies are supposed to prove their drugs are MORE effective than the placebo effect.  I have heard it is true that anti-depressants are not much more effective than placebos.  But do you have knowledge about the effectiveness of drugs for bi-polar disorder?   Do you have any evidence to support your statement?

http://pediatrics.aappublications.org/content/early/2015/10/06/peds.2015-0743

I believe that anybody can suffer from depression if put under sufficient stressors, and therapy is most often the necessary treatment, with medication being a stopgap measure to ensure safety during a crisis, and almost useless without therapy. (I tried an antidepressant once and felt completely cured after two weeks, before becoming exceedingly high, so it's clear that in my case it was treating a different animal to unipolar depression.) Since bipolar disorder is a genetic inheritance it make sense that, as you can see, lithium for example does cause a markedly significant deviation.

Edited by mayablue
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13 hours ago, Scot said:

Kroge, drug companies are supposed to prove their drugs are MORE effective than the placebo effect.  I have heard it is true that anti-depressants are not much more effective than placebos.  But do you have knowledge about the effectiveness of drugs for bi-polar disorder?   Do you have any evidence to support your statement?

Yes, they are SUPPOSED TO, but do they prove that?

Don't know anything about specific drugs for bi-polar issues - I'm content to generalize psychiatric medications as there are simply far too many to look into. The abysmal research standards are well-documented and I don't feel pulled to looking into it much more, and certainly not for every trendy new condition, especially the ones for which there is little to no objective basis of measurement. 

Sorry but I'm just going to cut straight to it - there are hundreds of thousands of threads exactly like this all throughout the internet. Threads full of what I'm calling "psychiatric masturbation", and they all play out in the same way. Meaning, you can go on and on and on about having this diagnosis and that mental illness, and talk endlessly about the complicated pills you've tried, but IMO the root is not just suppressed emotional trauma, but a societal thought-disease which kicks into gear as soon as there is a diagnosis and someone starts thinking "I have X condition". Pretty soon the person will start creating that condition by virtue of their identification and focus towards it. Honestly that's what I'm seeing in this thread, but I know my observation won't be taken well. It's hard to acknowledge that you might have a serious "condition" because someone said so and you chose to believe them, but sometimes that is how it works. So if you ask "how do I heal from this condition" then your answer will always be "think about your condition differently". Or you can continue with the whole "this drug over here might kind of help", but I struggle to understand how people don't get bored and see through this whole net after the millionth time it backfires. In many cases there seems to be an over-identification with not just the condition but the desire to be on "serious" medications and so that their "serious" condition can be constantly validated.

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Let me clarify the above with pointing out that having issues and problems is completely separate to having a condition (especially an "incurable" condition). I simply advocate becoming more aware of your issues and problems, instead of relying on a diagnosis to offer you validation for them. Choosing to splash around for too long in the whole "mental illness" arena is just a profoundly indirect way of getting validation or recognition for your problems, hence why few people ever really move on from their conditions. The appeal of the constant validation is too enticing to give up. It's not so much about the help that could be offered.

The language used in discussions like these is the most telling. People just cite their conditions and diagnoses endlessly when what you really want to do is talk about your real problems in life and get validation for those. Saying stuff like "I have this condition and that condition and I'm on this medication" is just a broken socially-acceptable way to talk about your problems and seek validation without seeming like a weirdo. Which is where the psychiatric masturbation kicks in. How would you think about or process your problems if you didn't have this very strict psychiatric lens to filter it through? Maybe the problem is that we feel the need to dress up our issues with life and society in this "I have a condition" language instead of just talking about it on a basic human level. People had real human conversations long before corporations were around to tell them how to frame or treat their problems in the "correct" way.

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Hi Mayablue,

is I've read your vulnerable  message and the image pops for me: after Earthquake  all things out of the shelves and you continuing to make guilty your self for what happens instead to resort thinks, to trough away not useful for you any more and keep what is good for you, but what is this? (the pain I've caused myself and others; the instability that's caused me the embarrassment of having a promising future stalled, achieving very little, going nowhere) it sounds like living not for yours good but for someone else expectations .    Is nothing wrong with you, and you have to Stop trying to ,,fix'' your self, your thoughts overlapped for years and years in a same vibration that is Something Wrong with You just creating more and more reason to think is Definitely Something Wrong With You, how long you going to feed this spinning circle with your thoughts. and between lines ,,give me approval '' No! If you are supper sensitive That's  for a Reason, you have to flip value your self, sensibility is a Super Value , not a disorder, and you have to gravitate towards people that validates this your value, if you going to stay in the same environment pills will not helps. You are unique  energy and someone definitely needs it, find it :)

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Dear Mayablue,

While I was taking antipsychotics and antidepressants, I realized my resistance towards the fact that I needed them and taking them, knowing one of my most authentic values is being natural and believing in nature, that resistance was making my state worse, meaning I assumed that even the pills were really influencing me that way that much. On the other hand, there is no messing with pills. However, trying, remaining open observant to how you feel, what is their effect on you, how much can you bare it etc etc, will be more of an experience and help in your life than something else. Hope I was understood, not much of a talker (especially after pills )

Keep up to your creativity and health. 

Edited by Majda
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What I can tell you is that for me an actual doctor that cared + diagnosed helped a lot. Diagnosis = Taking care of my body is needed. More consciously eating is needed. Avoiding wheat as a coeliac is needed. And within 2 weeks I got better WHILE being on the medication that I had been on for the good part of 2 years.  

What also helped. And I cannot recommend that highly enough: http://www.padmacahaya.org 

 

It's called open heart meditation. Essentially you touch your higher heart lightly with two fingers while either sitting crosslegged on the floor or on a chair, relaxed with spine straight and feet flat on the floor. The key to it is smiling. Smiling to your heart. Doing that clears away negative feelings and energies. For me it feels like being plugged into a power source that gives me the strength to actually deal with those feelings. 

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Psych meds can mean the difference between being functional and being at the mercy of your diagnosis. If you believe this is the avenue that will benefit you most to go on, please do. There is no shame in taking medication that you need, and there is no shame in needing medication in the first place. It's not your fault. It really irks me when people say "If you just meditated enough..." "If you just resolve your childhood trauma..." "If you just did yoga..." People that say that either benefited from it personally, which is great, or they may be completely ignorant of your condition, which is hurtful and unhelpful. Yes exercise, meditation, and good diet are essential to everyone's health and I would highly recommend being aware of those, but they don't solve all health problems, especially health problems which are the least understood.

I am tired of people shaming others, especially in spiritual communities, for needing to go on medication. It stops people from seeking the help they need. Seeking out medication for mental illness is not a personal, moral, or spiritual failing. It means you are trying to take care of yourself, which is wonderful! You have obviously taken many measures already in lieu of psych meds and none of them have quite worked for you, and this is the next natural progression for relief. My recommendation is to find a doc who you really trust. I mean really, really trust (there are even holistic doc that practice functional medicine that can help you with meds, not just acupucture and therapy referals). Do some research and be honest with them about your condition and about your concerns about going on medication. I have been on many and none of them worked for me, but for others, those same medications have been the difference between life or death.

I personally have had very bad experiences from many psychiatric meds and nobody bothered to tell me that if I shouldn't be experiencing such severe side effects! They said side effects were normal but they were ruining my life and at the time I didn't know how bad it was really getting. I had horrible reactions to many different medications. Before you start any meds, ask your doc what you can do to stop meds immediately without an appointment, or how to taper yourself off if a reaction arises. It will depend on your dosage and type of med. Some have along halflife, others don't.

I tapered myself off of high-dose meds over three days. It was awful, it felt like the flu, but if I had stopped them cold turkey it could have easily sent me to the hospital.

Tell your doctor if you are having a reaction (physical, or emotional) to the meds, or ask what you can do if something like that arises. Sometimes you get minor or moderate reactions, like headaches and brain fog, for a week or two and then they go away and things start to improve. If being on meds makes you feel worse remember that you always, always, always have the right to stop taking them. Just be safe about it! I read so many articles warning me to never stop meds without first consulting your doctor (main reason being cold turkey withdrawal from high dosage of meds can cause some serious problems) and as a result I suffered weeks if not months with the debilitating side effects because I was afraid to stop taking the medication and could not get my appointment soon enough. Please don't let any doctor strong-arm you into taking medication that you know is not helping. There are a lot out there! A doctor should listen to you and respect your decisions for your health.

With psych meds things don't get better immediately. It will take months before you notice a difference. And sometimes it can get a little worse before it gets better. Use your best discretion and listen to your intuition and your body. It can also be a matter of trail and error between different medications or even different combinations of medications depending on your body and brain chemistry. Most people don't have as much hypersensitivity to the meds as I do, but if you have had sensitivity to any meds in the past it might be worthwhile to do some DNA tests with your doc to find out which meds are more likely to benefit you and which are best avoided. If you want more specifics on that feel free to message me!

Best of luck!

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