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A girl i like

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A girl i like

Im in love with a girl i've known for quite some time. It was love at first sight, she had a boyfriend but i thought to myself: "Im not going to pussy out this time, im going to get her to like me" because i've liked sooo many girls since quite a young age and just given up after i told them i liked them and then getting friendzoned. Unfortunately on my 18th birthday my big sis bought a liter of tequila and we got really drunk, then the girl i loved called me and i told her that i really loved her, BAM FRIENDZONED AGAIN, but this time i couldn't do anything because she had a boyfriend. This really messed me up, i started skipping school, smoking, generally trying hard to escape everything that was bothersome and shutting myself down emotionally, which later ended up in me abusing pot almost constantly for 1.5 year and getting a debt for around 5000$ getting "manipulated" by ugly friends instead of finishing the college i got into, all my music teachers loved me because i was a talented and good boy.

Now, i do not feel the same kind of love for her anymore like i did in the past, but i always feel bad when i think about these times. I have tried to forget her, she and I got into a very intense passive aggressive fight because @STILL and @PROFIT (former awesome TealTribe members) was joking around calling her a rabid feminist and i played along with them and she accidentally saw that. i told myself why not try to forget her? our contact went cold as fuck, so i didn't meet her for almost one year and i felt that my feelings for her have subsided enought for it to gain enough momentum so it could roll down the hill without much problem. 

Then one day, she called me and wanted to hang out, i said yes ofc! Then i started to like her again, she is my type after all, thankfully not so much like before, i dont feel much commitment for her like i did in the past, i do feel VERY sad when i think about that she doesn't like me the same way i like her. I want to feel her, hug her, bury the whole me in the whole her, feel deep connection with her like i do with my dog but not the same way you get the point, of course i want to mate with her but not only that, YOU GET THE POINT. But, my life wants to fuck me too. One day, she and I were having a walk in the woods where there was a place where people could write down their secrets in a book anonymously, i wrote about my feelings for her and OFC she saw what i wrote. 

My mother is a TCM doctor, the girl i like, have told my mom quite much of her problems like having panic attacks occasionally, more often when having bad relationship with her friends etc. 

I know that it isn't actually that bad, there are no kids or house or anything like that involved and im still young and everything.

Soooo, what to do?

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Pursue the things that make you happy and this includes relationships. I don't believe in coincidences and alot of these situations seem to hold identifying marks of what your destiny might hold. Perhaps since you've always felt the need to express yourself to her that ultimately that's what happened in some cosmic alignment - seeing your feelings. It could imply that your soul is searching for some form of closure. In my experience this sensation of lust and passion could be a varying level of you wanting to "help her" or "heal" her energetic body on a different level. Alas there is a strong chance that there is someone who was destined to be at your side and that is the reason your path hasn't led you into the arms of this girl. I'm no seer, nor can I plan your fate but the obligatory "there's a plan for everyone" one liner can be used here I feel. 

Otherworldly possibilities aside, venture into new places, new hobbies and meet new people and you will find a friend who will walk with you into the future, even romantically.

 

Love and Light

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