scorpiogirl

Depersonalization - help

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Depersonalization - help

Hey i'm really struggling as of lately and wondering if any of you have struggled with depersonalization and recovered or can provide any advice.

I overdosed on marijuana (took an edible with way too much in it) and had a really bad anxiety attack where I thought I was dying. I made my boyfriend call the ambulance and was in the hospital overnight. I remember really believing I was going to have a heart attack and die in the ambulance and I felt my self detach from my body. I didn't die (obviously) but i woke up the next morning feeling out of body, fuzzy vision that almost looks like static, and changed. I felt a loss of self and disconnected from reality and my own life. It's been a while after the event and I thought i just needed to rest. But my symptoms persisted. I felt like I couldn't feel my arms and my body coordination was delayed, almost like i was going to go paralyzed. I felt like i was experiencing life from a completely different perspective. My vision is hard to cope with, I thought i was going blind. It's fuzzy, almost like me looking at a screen, and can't focus. I went to an eye doctor and was told i have perfect vision. I thought I had a brain tumor (which i now know was paranoid of me) but then i looked up my symptoms and similar experiences and realized that a lot of people experience the same thing after a bad drug trip, which i know now is depersonalization. When I have panic attacks it is debilitating. I start really feeling out of body,like i am watching everything from above, and completely outside myself. I start seeing visual snow and my vision going in and out and I am about to go blind. I am really having trouble just functioning in at daily life/school, a lot of things trigger me to go into this almost trance and eventually panic attack.

I am trying to remain calm and not fixate and stress myself out over the symptoms. But I am really stuck and don't know what to do. I'm really afraid. Everything seems weird and that there is something wrong with my brain and I've ruined myself. The fuzzy vision/visual snow is especially scaring me. If any of you have experienced depersonalization and can help me I would appreciate it so much. I feel alone in this and don't know where to go for help.

Sorry if this whole thing sounds really disorganized. I just really don't even know how to put this into words.

Edited by scorpiogirl

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Scorpiogirl,

There is so much to this that I don't know where to start. I have experience with this both personally and professionally. I'm a child of the 1960's and 70's. In those days when thought,our parents have their drug alcohol and we have ours drug marijuana. Well,although many people romanticize those days, I can tell you smoking pot was no joke. I experienced major anxiety while smoking it to the point to where I wanted to jump out of my skin. I have had perceptual hallucinations on it(that's common),it's like it when you think you've walked for mile and it seemingly took forever but you only walked one block. Once I was so stoned that I went home to watch TV and it took me hours to realize it wasn't even on. I once,after smoking what we would call"so good shit" I had what might be called a "psychotic" hallucination. While driving on a snake like road I suddenly became unable to perceive how many time I rotated the steering wheel. I perceived everything in "very" slow motion and just kept passing my hand in a circular motion in front of my face. When the car stopped I started to yelling to my brother"milk get me milk,I need to come down from this shit!"

So that is the personal side now the professional side. I have been a Substance Abuse Counselor for 30 years. I am well aware of what you're going through. 

Marijuana is a psychoactive drug which basically means it alters mind,mood and behavior. Marijuana is kind of in a class of it's own because it affects different people in so many different ways. Those ways can range from anxiety and panic attacks to hallucination and in rare cases paranoia. The thing that concerns me about your symptoms is how long they have lasted and whether they triggered a  disorder that was already there.  These things are hard to tell but you need professional help ASAP! Find a Doctor or Psychiatrist in your area that treats addiction. I can't stress enough how you need to do this immediately before your symptoms possibly get worse.  

Good luck and let me know how things work out,

Sheamus

 

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walt,

What the hell is a frontal lobotomy pill??? If you're referring to psychiatric meds, they can be very helpful in helping a person manage acute symptoms. Usually when the symptoms become less acute and a person is more able to manage their symptoms the medication is discontinued. 

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5 hours ago, scorpiogirl said:

Depersonalization - help

Hey i'm really struggling as of lately and wondering if any of you have struggled with depersonalization and recovered or can provide any advice.

I overdosed on marijuana (took an edible with way too much in it) and had a really bad anxiety attack where I thought I was dying. I made my boyfriend call the ambulance and was in the hospital overnight. I remember really believing I was going to have a heart attack and die in the ambulance and I felt my self detach from my body. I didn't die (obviously) but i woke up the next morning feeling out of body, fuzzy vision that almost looks like static, and changed. I felt a loss of self and disconnected from reality and my own life. It's been a while after the event and I thought i just needed to rest. But my symptoms persisted. I felt like I couldn't feel my arms and my body coordination was delayed, almost like i was going to go paralyzed. I felt like i was experiencing life from a completely different perspective. My vision is hard to cope with, I thought i was going blind. It's fuzzy, almost like me looking at a screen, and can't focus. I went to an eye doctor and was told i have perfect vision. I thought I had a brain tumor (which i now know was paranoid of me) but then i looked up my symptoms and similar experiences and realized that a lot of people experience the same thing after a bad drug trip, which i know now is depersonalization. When I have panic attacks it is debilitating. I start really feeling out of body,like i am watching everything from above, and completely outside myself. I start seeing visual snow and my vision going in and out and I am about to go blind. I am really having trouble just functioning in at daily life/school, a lot of things trigger me to go into this almost trance and eventually panic attack.

I am trying to remain calm and not fixate and stress myself out over the symptoms. But I am really stuck and don't know what to do. I'm really afraid. Everything seems weird and that there is something wrong with my brain and I've ruined myself. The fuzzy vision/visual snow is especially scaring me. If any of you have experienced depersonalization and can help me I would appreciate it so much. I feel alone in this and don't know where to go for help.

Sorry if this whole thing sounds really disorganized. I just really don't even know how to put this into words.

I had very similar experience a few years ago. I'm still confused about if I was dying over and over then my heart each time would shock me back to life. A horrible circle of dying for a good 6 hours or so from eating too much marijuana. It took time to get out of the depression and anxiety that followed. I had anxiety meds then that would help to an extent but mainly listening to music that was uplifting and doing things I enjoy, like hikes and crafty things got me through it. I think it's different for everyone. If you don't want to talk to a counselor just reach out and do things you enjoy. One day at a time. Now when I feel anxious, which seems to be a normal part of my being, I go into nature and meditate. How ever meditation works for you. Again we are all different. Nature heals though, no matter who you are and the power of deep breathing is amazing. Maybe try a sound healing or chakra balancing guided meditation. And remember it takes time.  Don't expect to try one thing one time and be healed. Eat well and drink water! 

message me when ever if you want ❤

No judgement.  

 

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Enabling is very subject word. People often confuse the word "enabling" with the word "helping."  If the use of medication and counseling helps someone heal them I am all for it. Saying the use of these things to heal is a "crutch" or a "band aid" is only your subjective opinion. I can say that there are many more people's opinions who are much more objective. 

One of the worst things about our society is that we have no empathy for those of us who need it the most. Case in point,look who was elected President and what the Republicans are doing to health care.

By the way,if a chronic delusional paranoid  schizophrenia is having adoratory hallucination telling him to kill someone,I would be much more concerned about that than the profits a pharmaceutical company makes off the medication he need to manage his hallucinations.   

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Look into grounding - there's many ways to do it. Teal has a video on it. I also recommend aggressive deep breathing exercises such as holotropic breathing or iceman breathing - they clear up your system fast, especially the latter. Cold showers are very grounding too. Do heavy exercise, get physical.

5 hours ago, Sheamus said:

By the way,if a chronic delusional paranoid  schizophrenia is having adoratory hallucination telling him to kill someone,I would be much more concerned about that than the profits a pharmaceutical company makes off the medication he need to manage his hallucinations.   

And you can continue to believe that whilst those companies reinforce the illusion that medication is the only thing could ever possibly help and that humans were oh-so-lost before pharmaceuticals came along. They suppress genuinely helpful treatments whilst their army of dependant zombies repeat "well they help in some cases, don't they???" ad nauseum. I respect everything else you're saying but it's time to wake up to the very serious fact that "they help sometimes" just doesn't cut it anymore. Not in the information age.

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20 hours ago, Sheamus said:

Scorpiogirl,

There is so much to this that I don't know where to start. I have experience with this both personally and professionally. I'm a child of the 1960's and 70's. In those days when thought,our parents have their drug alcohol and we have ours drug marijuana. Well,although many people romanticize those days, I can tell you smoking pot was no joke. I experienced major anxiety while smoking it to the point to where I wanted to jump out of my skin. I have had perceptual hallucinations on it(that's common),it's like it when you think you've walked for mile and it seemingly took forever but you only walked one block. Once I was so stoned that I went home to watch TV and it took me hours to realize it wasn't even on. I once,after smoking what we would call"so good shit" I had what might be called a "psychotic" hallucination. While driving on a snake like road I suddenly became unable to perceive how many time I rotated the steering wheel. I perceived everything in "very" slow motion and just kept passing my hand in a circular motion in front of my face. When the car stopped I started to yelling to my brother"milk get me milk,I need to come down from this shit!"

So that is the personal side now the professional side. I have been a Substance Abuse Counselor for 30 years. I am well aware of what you're going through. 

Marijuana is a psychoactive drug which basically means it alters mind,mood and behavior. Marijuana is kind of in a class of it's own because it affects different people in so many different ways. Those ways can range from anxiety and panic attacks to hallucination and in rare cases paranoia. The thing that concerns me about your symptoms is how long they have lasted and whether they triggered a  disorder that was already there.  These things are hard to tell but you need professional help ASAP! Find a Doctor or Psychiatrist in your area that treats addiction. I can't stress enough how you need to do this immediately before your symptoms possibly get worse.  

Good luck and let me know how things work out,

Sheamus

 

Yes, i've experienced subtle anxiety on weed before but nothing like this. Definitely never again in my life. I plan on seeing a psychiatrist this monday and am going to a treatment center for teens for the week, which i'm pretty sure treats addiction. But regardless after this upcoming week i'll be looking for my own therapist and psychiatrist. The night it happened was around April 22, so it's been a little while and my vision is still distorted/visual snow/static, which is why i'm kind of panicking right now. I know the drug is mostly out of my system by now. I'm worried I have hppd. But just trying to remain calm right now.

But thank you so much. Hopefully this week at the treatment center goes well and I can work something out with the psychiatrist that helps ease my symptoms.

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Psychedelics will open your perception, sometimes permanently. Is seeing static really such a bad thing? Your vision hasn't changed one iota, your perception has. The static has always been there and you've always seen it. I wouldn't get too caught up in labelling it. It's just expanded perception of electomagnetic information. It would likely go away again if you chose to focus your attention elsewhere. But if you're really intent on getting rid of it then try stimulating your left-brain function and suppressing your right-brain function. You can achieve this in a variety of ways such as alternate nostril breathing. You can also try doing stuff that stimulates your logic, language and mathematical skills. Although personally I believe the best results are going to happen if you just breathe and settle into the new feelings, because either way this is what you're feeling now. No one really knows how psychedelics work, you just have to go with it. If it's any consolation I personally don't think you're in any serious trouble except that your anxiety is so extreme that it is creating trouble for you.

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scorpiogirl,

I am so glad and proud of you for having enough courage and good sense to do what is best for you. It it obvious you are making good common sense decisions now.

I am generally not one to criticize or put someone out there but I feel obligated to tell you this. Please do not fall into the trap that others are setting up here. They are giving you misinformation about things they know nothing about. Stay strong and follow through with your plans,you are doing the right thing. 

I do not want you to think I am abandoning you but I am leaving this place. It is,in a negative way,affecting my mental,emotional and spiritual health. 

I am new here therefore I do not know if there is a way to instant message you or send you a private message. I would like to do so to give you my email address so we can keep in touch. 

If there is some way of sending you a private message let me know,if not let me know and I will post my email address for you here.  

Please get back to me and let how you would like to proceed from here.

Peace,

Sheamus 

 

 

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Nice try. Let's apply some basic mathematics shall we:
 

20 hours ago, Kroge said:

Psychedelics will open your perception(1), sometimes permanently.(2), Is seeing static really such a bad thing? Your vision hasn't changed one iota, your perception has(3),. The static has always been there and you've always seen it. I wouldn't get too caught up in labelling it. It's just expanded perception of electomagnetic information(4),. It would likely go away again if you chose to focus your attention elsewhere. But if you're really intent on getting rid of it then try stimulating your left-brain function(5), and suppressing your right-brain function(6),. You can achieve this in a variety of ways such as alternate nostril breathing(7),. You can also try doing stuff that stimulates your logic, language and mathematical skills(8). Although personally I believe the best results are going to happen if you just breathe and settle into the new feelings, because either way this is what you're feeling now. No one really knows how psychedelics work(9), you just have to go with it. If it's any consolation I personally don't think you're in any serious trouble except that your anxiety is so extreme that it is creating trouble for you.(10),

I count no less than 10 scientific statements, including science-based advice. You, or anyone for that matter, are free to contradict me on any of those points or more.

Your post contains no scientific information, just sentimental rhetoric and attempts to undermine others without directly saying anything at all. I can write vague shit like "I'm so proud of you, keep it up!" or "You have no idea what you're talking about" too, but I choose not to. I'm more fond of substance and results than manipulative airy-fairy statements. Now you know.

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21 hours ago, Kroge said:

Psychedelics will open your perception, sometimes permanently. Is seeing static really such a bad thing? Your vision hasn't changed one iota, your perception has. The static has always been there and you've always seen it. I wouldn't get too caught up in labelling it. It's just expanded perception of electomagnetic information. It would likely go away again if you chose to focus your attention elsewhere. But if you're really intent on getting rid of it then try stimulating your left-brain function and suppressing your right-brain function. You can achieve this in a variety of ways such as alternate nostril breathing. You can also try doing stuff that stimulates your logic, language and mathematical skills. Although personally I believe the best results are going to happen if you just breathe and settle into the new feelings, because either way this is what you're feeling now. No one really knows how psychedelics work, you just have to go with it. If it's any consolation I personally don't think you're in any serious trouble except that your anxiety is so extreme that it is creating trouble for you.

Thank you, I'll start trying that. I do notice if I keep myself occupied with doing other things like at school it starts to be less troublesome. And i definitely make it worse by fixating on the static too much. But thank you it's comforting to hear that, I am trying to handle my anxiety better and it's slightly improving.

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Hi scorpiogirl,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've been through the same exact thing! The heartbeat and everything... I thought I would die.  When I was living in Chicago last year, there were a series of events that triggered me into the same state, and yes some marijuana was involved. Haven't touched it since. Thank you for having the courage to talk about it.

1. Know that you weren't expecting or wanting this to happen, and it's important to not blame yourself for that. Lessening yourself of the self-blame for "damaging yourself" is absolutely crucial. I know how permanent it muse feel right now, but nothing has happened that cannot be fixed and I hope this truth can help you relax.

2. Find some ways that you personally feel grounded. It's been about a year and I've since come back down more. I would try anything that helps you feel the safety of the present moment. Let yourself feel the warmth of a shower, or the softness of a blanket and relax into it. 

3. Time will also be your friend. It is hard to come back down to yourself at the moment, but over time the fears and anxiety that are fueling the dissociation will dissipate if you let go of trying to stop it. Fighting it will only make it worse. Develop a belief in the mantra "My body knows what to do, and this too will pass." I would often feel so angry that I couldn't pull myself out of it because I felt so powerless, but irritation and anger at it won't help.

4. Honestly, until this last year I was never really a crystal or herbs person. I thought they were nice and pretty, but that their influence was minimal unless it was some magical plant from China with an extremely long name. If not because you believe it, but to simply try it out, get some herbs or stones that will help you feel safe or protected. Obviously, don't spend your money if you can't though... this is a simple suggestion.

5. Confide in friends. Connection to other people during these times will help you feel safe and help you come back into your body. A therapist will also be helpful in processing what is happening if you can afford it.

6. Focus on anything but the dissociation. This is your call to self-care right now, and your body and mind are looking for gentility and kindness from you. Maybe you are in fact going through this experience so that you can give yourself, or receive from others, the soft and kind love that you have needed but refused. It's pretty simple, if something causes you fear or pain, don't do it! Instead, spend time and energy focusing on what feels good and right for your personally.

7. Listen to yourself above anything. No one here can tell you what's right with you. Do what matches with your own sense of caring for yourself. <3

I hope any of this helped. You are welcome to message me and talk! You will pull through this, and I'm sorry it's been rough.

 

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