Garnet

White box/Black box. Integration. Is everything we need within us?

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White box/Black box. Integration. Is everything we need within us?

After reading Teal's last blog post "Only Love, Only Love" I feel inspired to share my personal visual experience of my integration with a concept that my mind sees as a box.

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Growing up you probably heard many times "Think outside the box", "Don't try to fit yourself into a box", "Get out of your box" etc.

I don't remember exactly when my fear of the box has started. The earliest I can recall was when I was in the middle school I had a psychology class and I was asked to visualize myself in a white box. I refused to do it because i was going into a panic mode. There was no consequences for not completing this exercise since the class was optional.

Some time ago a concept of a white box came across on the internet for me. It was also a little test on spirit science FB page. Except this time it was smth like "imagine yourself in a white room". At the end they said that me in a white room was a representation of my relationship with the God/Source and/or how I see it.

The problem that i had with the white box was that this concept is probably the closest thing my mind can conceptualize as Nothing . Although it is still Something. But it is something i want nothing to do with . 

So when i felt ready for this experience again I let my mind take me into the white box and see what happens . 

White Box.

I open my eyes. I am naked. I see the walls around me. It is all sealed. Instantly my mind starts to calculate the proportion of the space I am in and how much air I have. I am debating whether I should hold my breath or breathe normal. I feel time in a way i don't like to feel it - I am pressured by time. How much time do i have left? 

I finally calm down and able to regulate my breathing . My heart rate is back to normal. I see that nothing is happening to me. At least not yet. The space feels stagnant and air is compressed.

I stand up and touch the walls with my hands. I feel nothing. I am trying to understand where is the light source here. But it's like a scene from a movie Matrix. White space. Surprisingly to me my mind again thinks about time.

I think it is somehow built into us through generations that we must leave something after ourselves besides our bones. Part of us that helps us feel satisfied about our lives. Or at least we need to know that we've tried everything we could.

So from this point I am realizing that I can hear my own thoughts very loud in this closed space.

There is a saying in spiritual field "Everything we need is within us". 

I am looking at these white walls . Yes, they look like a white canvas . But if I want to leave at least one small message like "Garnet was here" i would have to use my own blood and hands to do it.

Tbh it actually feels somewhat liberating to at least know that or even try if I am inside the box. But if i look at myself from outside the box - it doesn't look and feel as good. Desperate attempt to kill time in order to create Something . 

Black Box.

The black box feels different . It feels good. Warm. My mind is not focused on air because I can't see the space. I try to touch the wall but i can't even understand what  i am touching . It looks like I am seeing through it anyway . 

I feel calm. I already know I am inside of something. Because of this "blindness" It feels like there's no definite space in between me the walls therefore I feel bigger than i know i am. I feel that I am a part of the space.  I am the black box. 

It is strange that now i know that i am inside the box but i don't feel any shortness of breath . 

I have tried in the past to practice holding my breath under water in my bathtub . But I noticed that i can always hold it for a lot longer when i was in the swimming pool. Perhaps knowing /seeing your space has an effect on it. This would explain how some people dive into ocean and can hold their breath for up to 4 min.

I don't really know what to do here yet. Again I can hear my own thoughts very loud. I can see different visual effects/flickering in this darkness .  Maybe this is my own brain waves. Anyway this already makes me feel not alone. And the more I focus on each line i see in the dark the better I am starting to see the colors.

Integration

I am back into the white box. But this time I don't do anything like the first time. I've been here before so now i know i have a choice .  I sit down in the middle and then I close my eyes.

When I close my eyes the space instantly becomes infinite . 

My eyes are behind my eyelids . But i don't see the eyelids . This is the same experience for me as being in a black box.

Funny I just made my space even smaller than it was and I don't even see it nor feel like it is. My focus has shifted from outward to inward : My Self/ My Body/My Mind.

So as the result I created my black box inside my white box without hurting myself . 

 

 

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I think this is it. I could add more details here. This shadow work process probably took me 40 min to an hour. But it felt like maybe 10 min.

I would love to hear thoughts /feelings . Maybe you have had similar experiences or fears. I am especially interested if anyone has a fear of a black box. I know for some people black box represents or would feel like waking up in a coffin. Past life trauma perhaps ? and it is known that things like that happen. So you're welcome to share any thoughts and insights if you can relate to this.

Thank you for reading . 

Garnet ❤

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My whole thing is freedom and love, I do not like boxes so I just keep things as information with no positive or negative attachment to it, it is just information, if I add an emotion too it or automatically assign a meaning to the information it means I picked the opposite side because I don't want to hear the "negative side" when its one and the same, just 2 polar aspects. Until I experienced it myself It becomes a part of my truth, so peoples beliefs and judgments don't influence me from not liking a person or idea.

I was a incubator baby, so I enjoy going deep inside myself I guess you can say, I understand everything is subjective and unfortunately society creates these boxes, every country has them, cultures, races, status, educational system, everything is in a box and we become limited by these boxes we were born into. We want the boxes approval, but we were just born into this box that made us adapt into the culture and when you want nothing to do with the box you are the bad one. If my body has recorded all my life even as a fetus It still remembers the near death experience and it never went away, the experience of being separated from its mother and waking up in a "white box" alone. feeling the mother, feeling the people around the mother when she is losing too much blood, my first life experience outside of the womb was unconscious and the first thing I saw was a box alone, but my body still recorded what just happened when I was unconscious. I still carry this trauma in me and I would rather be dying in my mothers arms than be alone in a box to "save" my life, that's how much of a shock that is to babies, that's coming straight from my baby self by the way, that's what it said. 10:10 is the time while I write this lol.

I got sad when Teal said she might die being shot, I hate that love isn't normal here and because of these boxes people want to protect, the box justifies why they need to hurt someone, so they do, that's why I have so much resistance here, because of these boxes (indoctrinated belief systems) I have to break in people, when its all just information to me, you can't offend my beliefs, even other peoples perspective is just information to me, its all just information until I experience it myself.

hopefully I'm talking about the same box as you, if we are talking about darkness I used to be afraid of that until I realized its never dark, if you are in the dark long enough you see things that have always been there. I enjoyed this.

Edited by Alex7
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@Alex7 that was very interesting . Thank you for sharing it here.

I googled incubator images. Were you in the one that has clear glass and many circles around it for the hands to reach in ? 

I also looked up hospital birth rooms. They are mostly white. So i wonder if i was born in one like that. I think there's a great chance that yes.

And i just remembered that after birth all babies are taken for physical exam and they place them in boxes that look like incubators.

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5 hours ago, Garnet said:

@Alex7 that was very interesting . Thank you for sharing it here.

I googled incubator images. Were you in the one that has clear glass and many circles around it for the hands to reach in ? 

I also looked up hospital birth rooms. They are mostly white. So i wonder if i was born in one like that. I think there's a great chance that yes.

And i just remembered that after birth all babies are taken for physical exam and they place them in boxes that look like incubators.

I think they had holes and I was in there for 3 weeks, that's what my mom said, now looking at it I'm like that's so bad for babies... they still put the new borns in separate rooms, I wonder if you can say no my baby isn't leaving me!

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