Ale

Vibration changed or source turned away from me?

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Vibration changed or source turned away from me?

It happened that a half of the year ago I initiated break up with my boyfriend (I did not feel there was love anymore). And since then everything began to spiral  into abyss. My mom got seriously ill, I was almost fired from work I like, three universities denied me a scholarship so I cannot continue my studies now, my friends began to withdraw one by one. Now I am almost friendless (and two-three years ago I was heart and soul of big group of my friends), I do not have any candidates for boyfriend, I am almost 30, I do not have my own place to live, no kids, no money, I see my beauty fades away. I think I have problems but I cannot afford any councelling. I could never imagine earlier it can be so bad. My life gets worse year by year.

I feel like complete failure in everything. I feel fear constantly, I feel depressed, hopeless, powerless. I see how other people move on, achieve their goals in life, but I do not have power to struggle anymore. Everything is in vane, whatever I start fails sooner or later. I see how opportunities pass by and it eats me alive. I am terrified by thought that all life will pass by and I will not have any strength or desire or opportunity to change anything. I feel like life runs away from me. I do not want to die, but I do not want to live either. I do not hate myself, I just give up on myself. Every day I pray God to give me strength, to help me, but I fear he gave all this to me to struggle through and so he will not help.

What can I do? I feel so alone and only here on this forum I can open up about my desperation. How much I would like to have even one single person who would care for me. How it is precious if you have anybody, family, friend, even a pet who is glad to see you. I would like to ask if anybody here can give me any advice on what I can do? Is there any way out of this abyss?

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transition can be a bitch. very scary too. 

is this the first life turn that you feel this intense? i mean, is this the first time you feel an old life phase fading away and being replaced with the new ?

sometimes is smoother, very subtle and easy to miss. you just at some point realize how much life/you've changed since the last time you checked. 

sometimes is abrupt. that's usually how the universe responds to an intense desire for change.  it tries to help as fast as it can, so it really shakes things up.

if you feel it's moving too fast, cultivate patience. the universe will follow your lead and slow down with the plan for urgent change.

also cultivate gratitude for anything you feel like keeping unchanged.

it's a paradox. while in transition, people feel uncomfortable and want this phase to end as soon as possible and have the sunny days back. the universe being so nice and helpful, will try to respond to that wish and speed things up to get over with it faster. things get bumpy and shaky and it feels like spiraling down.

everyone knows from birth that transition is not easy. transition phases feel like going through the birth canal.  

 

 

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Thank you so much, guys, for your advices and words of compassion! 

Dear Mufhry, it's the first time in my life it's so intense but it was mounting for  about 4 years already. I asked the Universe to show me my "demons", my old unhealed traumas from childhood, so I could better apply the Completion Process (I have bought Teal's book) and probably here they are. Sometimes I have a hope and I see a brighter future, like now, sometimes I am totally devastated like yesterday when I was writing this post. I hope this is really a transition and I can walk through my darkness to appreciate the light better on the other side.

Dear Walt, Thank you so much! I have checked that Saturn's Return and it told me exactly the same I was intuitively feeling for about a year or two. It turned out I was making subconscious steps towards what I was supposed to do according to the sign my Saturn falls into. It's amazing! I really really hope it will come true because if I succeed I will do my Saturn's Return in perfect accordance with what astrology says :) 

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The funny thing is when you listen to your higher self is goes against what everyone is doing lol, its like Me: I don't like the way the earth is. Higher self: you know you aren't meant to fit in here right? you're meant to get rid of all the addictions here and societal beliefs about everything... Me: but I can't relate to anyone. Higher self: no shit you aren't even from here and there are other yous, you aren't alone even though it feels that way. Me: so I just have to heal myself and listen to you to guide me? Higher self: yes.

I really really hate this false version people put up, like on social media and people never show the low days, just happy moments and we are happy, then you hang out with those people and see the story outside of facebook and go you damn liars.. putting pressure on people to have the perfect body, perfect relationship, perfect job, perfect life, when real life is a crazy roller coaster full of emotions and all kinds of people from different races and status and we still think the ideal life is the goal, when it really never ends, it keeps going and you want more even after your biggest goal.

I'm not a big fan of separation, or the illusion anyway. I'm like why the fuck to people get jealous and think people loving other people takes away from the love they have for them? if everyone in someone's life is just a aspect of them they are only talking to themselves, people are a bundle, not just one person, they come with people too, they don't come alone lol if you really liked them you would love the aspects out side of them too and not be jealous and again people loving other people doesn't take away love from you at all, at all, love is pretty infinite, its just we are insecure and think it will be taken away when someone else comes, and this 1 person is my love gas station, but that's the old model where the majority is, but they have to heal pretty much every chakra, and by heal I mean change beliefs and programming and you get the default mode back, which is source in a body pretty much and you don't even need to eat lol. also this current system is going to fall so don't get too attached to it, in our life time it will go to shit, but we are in it currently :(.

i don't mind a mundane life, just give me a job I can work alone and I can listen to my podcasts lol i don't need much. I just enter a sea of belief system around other people and if they can feel emotions cool, but if they are all intellectual and cant feel shit, I stay quiet, those conversations go no where, just in circles.

Nothing is wrong with you! you're loved at any stage of your life, rock bottom, self hate, all of it, listen to yourself, your higher self, its very real. I hate saying i love you to people but there is nothing someone can do that will make me not love them, even the "evil" people, if you go back and follow their life and childhood it came from a lot of pain, nobody ends up that way for no reason, there's no evil babies.

also your ego actually wants to stay the same, for it to change it has to die and it sort of sabotages itself to not change, just tell your ego you aren't dying we are just becoming something new, so this powerless or victim energy benefited me in the past but I'm going to try something new and what you thought was death is just a new perspective and we enter a new timeline where I'm not that old me, you choose to be that person, but your ego got threated and you changing means the old you goes away, but it just becomes something new, that already existed in another timeline since time isn't real lol. I hope that makes sense.

 

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hi Ale,

 I'm glad to see you come back, many things of your story resonates in me, other people other places but the feelings the same, is a stage where you realizing the world didn't reflects you as you think you are deserve. This happened in my past when you realizing you are not at the same page as people around. When the doors beginning to shutting down start to look around for opening window.  You've wrote : I see how other people move on, ... sorry for being boring but I would suggested to check short video The Grass is Greener... by Alexi Panos, also Abraham: The Law of Attraction  Esther Hicks of 5 parts, sometimes the same words from different person brings deeper meanings.

best wishes

Edited by vincent

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