Boudicca

Birth Trauma Real?

7 posts in this topic

Birth Trauma Real?

Hoping someone here might have access to some resources regarding birth/pre birth trauma?

Until recently I hadn't considered the phycological effect of having not felt safe at any one point in this life, not even in the womb. At the time my mother was under significant stress, engaged in an unhealthy lifestyle and didn't know she was pregnant til very late in her pregnancy at which point my fraternal twin brother was miscarried when she tired to commit suicide. She was officially made aware of my existence in hospital thereafter. Facts are foggy, but my biological father stepped out at this point too. I was then born a month early and incubated for weeks until my mother forcibly took me home. Shortly after she was married to a toxic and abusive man who, in secret sexually, emotionally and physically abused me until I was thirteen.

I have done a lot of work on my daddy issues believing them to be the root of my feelings of abandonment and self sabotaging habits which have lead to a pattern of codependency which contributed to two significant relationships ending in the same way,  whereby I have been dumped with the final message/words being "I tried to love you, you're a great person but I can't pretend anymore/you're not 'the one'." (Now I know it's s cycle...)

However I am starting this think the loss of my twin might be putting a lot of pressure on friendships and intimate relationships and when I start feeling close to someone, one way or another my unhealed self insures that that person is 'taken' from me. So now I live in total fear of intimacy and I'd like to approach this aspect of myself but it feels dangerous to do so alone... any resources or advice would be greatly appreciated. 

Thanks :)

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I agree, splitting hairs is tempting but it gets in the way of the easy understanding that can happen otherwise. That's why subconscious makes you do it, because it can take you round in circles and not actually address the scary traumas.

I don't know if you've acknowledged it but in this post you described your mother's issues but you seem a bit disconnected from it. Maybe you have daddy issues but what about your mommy issues? Is there some resentment there because of her inability to provide a good life for you? I'd hope so.

Teal is in a unique position to teach about birth trauma and even gestation trauma. She says she remembers her birth and even being in her mother's womb for 9 months and I believe her. I haven't come across any other resources other than Teal but I also haven't looked too hard. I don't find it necessary since Teal teaches how to feel into the emotional body and directly address these early wounds. Trauma this early is pointless to intellectualize because it is pure, raw feeling. The solution therefore is pure, raw feeling but you can use more intellectual approaches to stabilize and supplement the process. But I doubt you will find some book that will lay it out for you in an ABC manner. You have various complex traumas and you're not going to figure it out like that. Study Teal but you might have to do some digging as a lot of what she says is scattered throughout workshops and interviews. I suggest watching her workshops that appeal to you because she walks people through the completion process in regards to birth trauma quite often.

I honestly don't believe that your relationship issues are about your twin - I wouldn't say it's impossible but usually relationship issues aren't heavily related to siblings. Usually they're about parents; safety, security, etc.

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2 hours ago, Boudicca said:

I have done a lot of work on my daddy issues believing them to be the root of my feelings of abandonment and self sabotaging habits which have lead to a pattern of codependency which contributed to two significant relationships ending in the same way,  whereby I have been dumped with the final message/words being "I tried to love you, you're a great person but I can't pretend anymore/you're not 'the one'." (Now I know it's s cycle...)

However I am starting this think the loss of my twin might be putting a lot of pressure on friendships and intimate relationships and when I start feeling close to someone, one way or another my unhealed self insures that that person is 'taken' from me. So now I live in total fear of intimacy and I'd like to approach this aspect of myself but it feels dangerous to do so alone... any resources or advice would be greatly appreciated. 

Thanks :)

When I read this I get the impression that you are coming across to people as desperate, co-dependant and in need of taking care of. This is all developmental trauma. People become like this when their early development is not completed and so they remain stuck at this phase of trying to integrate the "please take care of me because I literally cannot do it myself" phase from when they were too tiny to take care of themselves. There was an excerpt of one of Teal's workshops on YouTube where she explains this precisely, but I cannot find it again. It was in the Phoenix synchronization workshop though: https://livestream.com/accounts/2213907/tealPhoenix

I have NOT watched this interview but I can only imagine that Teal goes into detail about what you need, and she has hundreds of hours of interviews throughout the web: 

 

And I think you are describing some Borderline traits so you may direct your research in that area. But obviously be mindful that it's just a label for a type of traumatized person and not an identity.

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What surprises me is that you are describing being dumped in a fairly reasonable and nice way. Normally I'd expect you to be attracting more abusive partners. Is it possible you don't even want to look at the shortcomings of your partners because you think all the fault lies with you? Being passive, pretending everything's fine, glossing over things, avoiding problems, etc. is plenty abusive as well, even if it is coming from a "nice guy". 

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@walt definitely all traumatic and I agree wholeheartedly about seeking therapy, and have always done that. I guess I was trying to downplay the information I hoped would provide context and much of the later trauma has been worked on!

@Kroge Yes, I would consider myself distant from my mums issues...and may explore that sensation in my next therapy session. But I came here for her and this family, to break a cycle. Also it's hard to resent anyone when you can feel their pain (this goes for my stepfather), I feel that she honestly did do everything in her power to better her/our life... and it did get progressively better. I also had a lot of support from non physical beings which I don't have access to now.

1 hour ago, Kroge said:

Is it possible you don't even want to look at the shortcomings of your partners because you think all the fault lies with you? Being passive, pretending everything's fine, glossing over things, avoiding problems, etc. is plenty abusive as well, even if it is coming from a "nice guy". 

This I think is a reflection of my behaviour mostly. Yes the relationships revolved around meeting their every needs and never expressing my own til I would feel comfortable, then the most bizarre things occur... Staying together felt like forcing repelling poles of a magnet together, yet I was very resistant to leaving. I do see fault in their behaviour but I also accept my part in it. I've been told I appear to not need caring for, but I know there's that kid in me who loves it!!! I have been working on supporting myself and reestablishing boundaries while trying not to get too spiritual because I don't wanna become extra sensory. 

I love all the content you shared and have watched both prior to today. They are exactly what put me on the path of investigating how  to integrate my baby self. But there is a block, that part of me is locked up. Evette Rose and Teal spoke about trauma stored in the body when you don't have a developed intellect and this resonates. I will try to find a therapist nearby that can help me work on this.

Thanks both for replying.

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6 hours ago, Boudicca said:

 Yes, I would consider myself distant from my mums issues...and may explore that sensation in my next therapy session. But I came here for her and this family, to break a cycle. Also it's hard to resent anyone when you can feel their pain (this goes for my stepfather), I feel that she honestly did do everything in her power to better her/our life... and it did get progressively better. I also had a lot of support from non physical beings which I don't have access to now.

This I think is a reflection of my behaviour mostly. Yes the relationships revolved around meeting their every needs and never expressing my own til I would feel comfortable, then the most bizarre things occur... Staying together felt like forcing repelling poles of a magnet together, yet I was very resistant to leaving. I do see fault in their behaviour but I also accept my part in it. I've been told I appear to not need caring for, but I know there's that kid in me who loves it!!! I have been working on supporting myself and reestablishing boundaries while trying not to get too spiritual because I don't wanna become extra sensory. 

I love all the content you shared and have watched both prior to today. They are exactly what put me on the path of investigating how  to integrate my baby self. But there is a block, that part of me is locked up. Evette Rose and Teal spoke about trauma stored in the body when you don't have a developed intellect and this resonates. I will try to find a therapist nearby that can help me work on this.

Thanks both for replying.

It's not so much about what is or isn't appropriate to feel because of the complex situations. It's about how your child self and is still feeling even despite all the circumstances that you could only have become aware of long after the fact.

I'm not good at relationship insight but I think there's something there you're not seeing. Which is to be expected - if you have developmental trauma then you will have huge blind spots in what you can or can't see with your normal intellect. These blind spots, especially the big ones, become visible during and after integration.

I don't think becoming spiritual is in danger of making you extrasensory, but it is possible. Usually people have to work very hard at it. I would know. Either way, extrasensory or not, boundaries remain something to be vigilant of all the time for people with this type of trauma. Personally I think you come across as too passively forgiving, but maybe that's just me. Part of having boundaries is noticing when things are other people's fault and letting yourself feel that. Yes ultimately everything is a joint manifestation but fault can and does swing disproportionately one way or another.

Great, you sound like an excellent researcher already. I have written a few posts recently on the issue of trauma stored in the body; you can find them by doing a search for "bodywork" or going through my post history. You really don't need to understand or remember trauma to do integration.

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I've heard Teal talk about how important the process of birth is and how it sets you up for the future, like if you get choked by the umbilical cord on your way out you have the ingrained belief that things don't go easy for you. 

Apparently I really didn't want to leave my mother and stayed inside much longer than expected, and had to be removed surgically, not naturally  through the vagina. On top of that, moments after I was born the nurse who was holding me slipped and fell, luckily I didn't get hurt but I wonder what kind of impact or imprint the whole experience had on me and and what it all means.

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