karinar

Tortuous Thoughts

4 posts in this topic

Some time ago I started to get interested in spirituality, I saw many videos of Teal, I started meditating daily, then when my interest grew I looked for other youtubers who talk about the same theme.
Unfortunately, I found youtubers who treat the subject spirituality but focused on the negative side, about the low astral, about how they can attack you while you sleep, everything is danger, etc.
I saw those videos because I am and I was always very curious, but after seeing them I began to distrust everything and stopped meditating.

First of all I would like to tell my origin from fear. It originates from a trauma of when I was a child, in fact it has nothing to do with the spiritual original trauma, which is sexual in fact, but as a girl instead of reacting to trauma with anguish or depression, I reacted with fear, Which was later repressed, until now.
It is not a specific fear, but the fear in general to be damaged in some way, whatever it is.

What is happening to me recently is that my thoughts are soaring, and I can not take control of them. That is, while doing an ordinary task, as now that I am writing this text, I cross a word or image. (They are almost always words), that is repeated constantly, I can not keep silent, I can not control it, I can be a week with a word in my mind, all those words always generate fear, for example: I cross the word "demon" and then I can not forget it and I'm a whole week with the word in my mind, like a woodpecker drilling my head.
And I can not face it, I do not know how to do it, it always comes back when I least expect it.


Long ago I made a tarot card Osho Zen, if someone uses these letters could give me a better interpretation, this was what came out:

1-Here and Now: Control
2-Letter of Resistance: Breakthrough
3-Intuition: Silence
4-Response intelligence to emotion: Beyond Illusion
5-Answer: The Avar
6-Relaxation and acceptance: Receptivity.
7-New level: Fatigue
 

Edited by karinar

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, walt said:

Karinar, the answers you seek are not intellectual in nature. Our feelings hold our wounds and that is where we must look for healing.

Yes, I really feel that I have to face the fear, but it is difficult when you feel that when you face it you are in danger

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Damon is Awesome said:

check out Eckhart tolle and mooji they will definetly help u out with these thoughts. and check out teals video on disidentification

Thanks

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now