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new adventures

Hello fellow Teal Swan fans, My name is Free. Single mom of 2 (boy and girl, I feel blessed ;-).  I have a history of mental abuse during my marriage of 16 years and that's what initially brought me to Teal Swan. I was a sensitive child with overly protective parents who wanted me to toughen up! Mom (Also sensitive/intuitive but in denial) was abused by her father and made me distrusting of people in general and dad is a very strong willed man who mostly tried to protect us by teaching us how to be mentally strong, and to make sure we made it in the world of business where there is lots of money to be made! (Independence??)  Also he doesn't understand my mom and I foreseeing events and knowing things that can't be rationalized by the mind. He rather teach us how to box!

My unconventional free spirited (yet grounded?) parents thought it would be a good idea to raise their two daughters in a safe small town with small minded people where our family was usually the talk of the town. In any case, spent most my life convinced that I'm different and a weirdo, whereas my mother and sister seem to be OK with pretending not to care being treated like outcasts. I remember once telling my parents all excited that my teacher was in love with the school principal. Of course, the school principal, being a married man and all, was an upstanding citizen and would NEVER cheat on his wife ;-) So I was scolded and hushed. I shouldn't say stuff like that, bad girl! Years later this school principal was publicly thrown out of his house by his son for cheating on his wife for years with.... my teacher. These type of events have made me aware that there is some truth in what I sense but I've kept it hidden, nobody in my life understands when I tell them I sometimes feel a pain in some area of my body while at the same time someone around me or someone I love is dealing with an illness that causes them to hurt in that same area.

My marriage to my narcissist ex husband almost sent me over the edge. I met him when I was 15 and he fucked with my head somewhat. Ever heard of gaslighting? well, nobody warned me about that. I've had to fight my way out of a heavy depression. And although we divorced almost ten years ago, I still have frequent dealings with him through our son. Showing my ex any form of emotion is dangerous and so I've learned to disconnected from my feelings a lot of the time. At least my mom and dad got what they wished for. I'm as tough as a cookie! But at the same time I still feel lonely and I'm stuck in a life that's not mine. Now that I've come across the healing process and shadow work I think I have found what I was looking for to get back in touch with my inner child and to learn to understand and trust my feelings again. Still afraid now to fall in love again because I seem to attract the same type of person over and over and over again. The last guy I fell deeply in love with last year wounded me very deeply as well. Listening to Teal Swan's teachings gives me a deeper understanding of my patterns and why this last guy was able to hurt me so deeply. It's time to fix my bruises.

So, although I'm very out of touch with my true feelings I do remember a time where I was more caring to the world and myself. I wish to reconnect with that part of me and hope to find a new beginning to a happier and healthier life that suits me and the kids better. I've already started being as authentic as I can be so far and people are starting to notice ;-) I'm very excited to finally find a spiritual guide who makes sense to me and hope to learn fro her and her followers as much as I can ~ :-)


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