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Ale

I do not understand my friend's behavoir

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I do not understand my friend's behavoir

Hi there!

My question is about  my friend or more accurately I would like to consider her as friend but just cannot understand her behavoir. And it's important for me.

It went like this: she is a sister of my ex bf with whom we kept good relationship after breakup. My ex bf asked her to make me company while I was visiting their hometown (he was out on business trip). She agreed and at first I thought she was just being polite. But when we met we literally could not stop talking. She turned out to be a very interesting person and had so much in common with me. We spent only two evenings together and I felt like I have been knowing her since childhood. She admitted the same. So she behaved super friendly. I can see when attention is just superficial and polite but her attention for me felt like of genuine interest. She even told me some intimate facts about her family and herself - the things you would not usually share with random people.

When I left it was the first time for me that I really missed a person and it's only after two evenings of talking!

When I came home I texted her and she replied with a lot of warmth and since then when I make a new post on FB she "likes" it. But after I came back home she never initiated any contacts. Once I sent her a funny pic with short comment and she replied very warmly with a long text. I have asked her a relevant question... and she never replied. She still likes my photos but never writes me and I do not know if she wants to continue our texting. 

I am not her friend actually to expect a certain behavoir or demand her attention. I do not want to impose myself on her. But I would like to be friends with her as she seems to be a wonderful person. I just do not understand her behavoir. Do you have any suggestions why she behaves this way and should I continue to try make friend with her?

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hi @Ale  It just sounds wonderful that you have found a person to who you connect with so well. The way you describe it, it sounds like you are already friends! Just because she doesn't initiate contact doesn't mean she doesn't like you back. If she takes the time the write you back with a warm and long text that does mean a lot already.

Obviously we cannot know her reasons without asking her, but I think that she clearly likes you from what you have described. Maybe she prefers to talk in real life as opposed to through the internet. I personally prefer that too, so I am a lot more quiet through internet communication and rather try to meet up with somebody. Perhaps she is a bit reserved because you are still her brothers exgf. I don't know, but I do think that the signs are good :)

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It seems to me that you and your friend may have different ideas about what "friendship" really means for each of you.

My suggestion would be to tell her about what you are just writing.
Tell her about your feelings towards her, about your needs and about your ideas of friendship.

If she is not texting you back anymore, she may not be particular interested in this kind of communication..or maybe she simply needs less regular contact than you do.
Ask her about that.

After asking her see whether you are in resonance with her answers and whether/how you want to continue this friendship.

 

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If you want to her to be your friend. Don't stop!
It might be something small, like she is shy and therefore hesitating to contact you. It might feel awkward for her that you are the ex of her brother and that  makes her hesitate. Or she might just be one of those ppl that doesn't make first contact. (Yes there is ppl like that that NEVER takes the initiative, no reason, they just don't)

Also about the thing with replying, it might be that she prefers physical interraction. Or that she is no good with computers?

 

There are a lot of reasons why she acts like she does, but from my understanding it seems that she IS interested in being friends. But there is something in the "way". Be it technology, shyness or whatever.

I recomend that you TALK to her about it. ^_^

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