David Uri

My GF is suggesting a 3sum .,

5 posts in this topic

My GF is suggesting a 3sum .,

Hi,

my girl friend have been together some a couple of years and Really love this girl.  one night in bar after a few drinks she asked me out the blue if I had before a 3sum - and reply yes ,, but was more like an accident with no emotional attachment ., more like one night stand .

she mention that she had one experience with the BF at the time and they where introduced to another girl.

she told me that from time to time she feels attract to another girls and it's only physical and she doesn't want any relationship claiming she is not a Bi., 

at some point I am not sure if she initiated in the past the 3sum and she said introduced to do experience ., 

she has always trouble to tell the big word L ( I love you ) 

she is the one proposing the 3sum and from my part I don't want another girl, Inrealy live her and want to spend my life with her. 

I asked her if she will become in the future Bi or interested to become one and she said not for 5 to 10 years from now ., I don't know what's that means ... or what to think about it ., is she going to dump me in the future .

some how I feel jealousy and I feel betray with the possibility that if I say no she will do it any way and behind another girl might be another man .,

any advice ... ? 

any reason why she is doing this ? 

Dav

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If you are feeling this way, then don't do it.  As for why she is doing this I really can't say.  Relationships seldom go well afterwords unless the couple are really mutually interested in a 3 way and are either totally committed to each other or are accepting of sharing their partner. 

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Hi David Uri,

One thing that seems apparent to me is that you and your GF have very different ideas about what you want relationship wise, especially with regards to sex. You sound like you are more into traditional monogamous relationships, and she is more into polyamorous relationships. Below are links to Teal Swan’s videos and articles on Polyamory and other topics that could be relevant.

Many people think loving a person is about liking them a lot, and having feelings of affection towards them, which is great as far as it goes. But from what I’ve seen in life, I think other critical components to love, at least love that lasts, are acceptance, trust, and being non-judgmental. All of which may be issues based on what you wrote, though its not enough information for me to have a strong sense of it, plus I’m no expert anyway.

Can you accept your GF as she is? Can you trust her to be open and honest with you? Can you avoid judging her? Two years is enough time to really get a sense of who she is. If you are feeling jealousy and betrayed now over what she might do, there is probably some significant relationship issues. You may be in love with who want your GF to be, as opposed to who she is. Or you may want to work on your communications skill with her to really understand her perspectives more.

In any event, I wish you and her the best. I hope what I wrote and the links help. - Aaron

Polyamory - Teal Swan -
https://youtu.be/wI3IwhON8IY
https://tealswan.com/resources/articles/polyamory/

The Hidden Truth About Dysfunctional Relationships - Teal Swan -
https://youtu.be/3PBRokdntsY
https://tealswan.com/resources/articles/dysfunctional-relationships/

Jealousy and Envy (How To Deal With It) - Teal Swan -
https://youtu.be/J8FAoDCmLc4
https://tealswan.com/resources/articles/jealousy-and-envy/

Priceless Relationship Advice - Teal Swan
https://youtu.be/IFEyEM2OxA4
https://tealswan.com/resources/articles/priceless-relationship-advice-expectations-and-assumptions-r221/

The 'Please Love Me' Dynamic - Teal Swan -
https://youtu.be/YjY-1JWED7E
https://tealswan.com/resources/articles/please-love-me/

Edited by Aaron
Forgot the word "opposed" in original posted. Added it for clarity.
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Hi David Uri, Since my post to you, Teal has published two videos about love. I don't know if you have seen them yet, but I was thinking about your situation when I saw them. (As well as how they apply in my own life.) Here's links to them. I think the second one about understanding is particularly applicable to your topic. Again, I hope this helps you and her. I continue to wish you both the best. - Aaron

What is Love? - Teal Swan -
https://youtu.be/L39DzzsixRQ

Stop Trying to Love Them and Start Trying to Understand Them - Teal Swan -
https://youtu.be/pr0SguyqkyQ

 

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David, your post sounds like trying to hold onto something that you aren't sure is true. 

trying to keep your relationship as it is now and at the same time questioning if it's really what/how you think it is.

people and the feelings they have for each other are what they are, regardless of what we think about it or if it's expressed or not. relationships are met with challenges which are overcame or not.  

there's no right or wrong decision you can make. you can only make the decision that you can. she can only make the decision she can. what comes next is never really in our hands. it's the other way around. we are in the hands of what is.

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