Diego

Family makes me feel worthless.

3 posts in this topic

Family makes me feel worthless.

Today my mother made me feel like I don't belong. She has an attitude towards me and my siblings that makes us feel like we do everything wrong, and when we declare our independence she tells the story of "Well I'm your mother and I done everything for you. You are an ungrateful damn child!" But at the same time she tells us that she doesnt like being a mom and that we should start doing things by our own, and its like she's being a hypocrite without wanting to admit to it because she in her mind since she has experienced more in life she is always right about everything. I have made the choice to follow the things I love doing, and not stay in the pattern of stress because of her, school and time. I am a good person but sometimes by being to good I enable the abuser. I'm in a deep exploration of my light and shadow aspects of self and by writting this I have discover that by stating my boundarie of what I have decided whats good for me she has the need talk me down into a low vibration so i guess is so that she doesn't  feel the shame of not being a good mother and make me feel like I'm the one to blame for.  Also my family is Mexican, and I feel that Mexican families have a pattern of being passive agressive for what I've seen around me. And im I a crystal child so even though I have manage to stay in my child nature without people affecting my way of thinking, it is hard to not feel the word like bullets that come from your family who you feel at one time they are the people who have your back the most. I would like to hear your opinions so I can feel Im not alone in this and that there are people that support me.

Thank you.

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Well it looks like you're getting double messages . There is a big difference between wanting to care about someone's well being but remembering that you may not be always right about everything and to care because you have to or feel like you have no choice now. Maybe this is why she says what she says. 

What does she want you to do on your own? 

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Oh, I understand that shit. My mom never wanted to be a mom, and she definitely didn't want me, her fourth child,but being a good catholic, she didn't had an abortion. Sometimes I wished she did.

You know what worked for me? I now see her as the weird old lady that happens to live with me. If I see her as my mom, I have expectations, you know moms love their childs, moms want the best for them.... but if she is just the weird old lady, you don't need anything from her, you can laugh at her weird ways. I know she will never love me, so I try to get my motherly love from other sources, like my godmother and loving aunts...and even Gaia.

I think divine feminine what so fucked up in this planet, that our mothers don't even know how to mother, or be a full woman, you know? Is not your fault, they just don't know how to love.

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