bensarten

Being Present is hurting those I love.

5 posts in this topic

Being Present is hurting those I love.

Hey all,

I am very new here and have just finished watching a bunch of Teal's videos. I am slowly unraveling my behaviors that no longer serve me and I have come to a strange road block.

I have heard all about being "present" and how that is a great way to be free of depression and anxiety from worrying about the future or the past. I think I have this nailed without even trying, to the point where me being present has begun to hurt the people I love the most.  When I am with someone they are the most important person there. Other people in my life fade into the background and they don't really even show up in my thoughts..... Because of this I have made some decisions without considering how these will hurt the people in my life.

I guess i am trying to find a balance between being present, while also considering the consequences of my actions that will occur in the future. I have ruined one long term amazing relationship through this (and a bit of selfishness, which maybe folds into this somewhere) because I was in a moment and not considering the future consequences... and I have possibly ruined another relationship with the girl who recently stole my heart through the exact same thing.

The first relationship I speak of, I was away for months and didn't communicate well because they were so far removed from where I was, and this even went further and I developed feelings for someone else. The most recent relationship that might be broke, was basically me cheating (there is much more to the story, but that will be enough)

 

I don't know if any of you may have come across anything like what I am finding about myself, but I would love some advice.

Thank you in advance.

Ben

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Ben, 

I don't have any advice but similarly to you I find it effortless to be present in the moment. It is easy to give whomever I am with my full attention. I liked the use of the phrase "fade into the background". That describes my experience nicely. When I am present in the moment other information does fade away. 

I hope there are some replies to this post that you find helpful

F

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'Nothing is ever broken'

 You can always repair what is broken. Since, you have raised your level but others have not, then naturally you will face break-ups in relations due to misunderstandings. That doesnt mean you were wrong, you were in a higher awareness. The job is to give them the new understanding that you have. Dont get disheartened but keep talking to them in any form of communication and believe that you were right! Find spiritual justifications and remember why you did what you did. Much love

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3 hours ago, Aquarian said:

'Nothing is ever broken'

 You can always repair what is broken. Since, you have raised your level but others have not, then naturally you will face break-ups in relations due to misunderstandings. That doesnt mean you were wrong, you were in a higher awareness. The job is to give them the new understanding that you have. Dont get disheartened but keep talking to them in any form of communication and believe that you were right! Find spiritual justifications and remember why you did what you did. Much love

Thank you for those words. I am comfortable in the loss of relationships.... I seem to be fairly good putting myself through it fairly often. I can't find the spiritual justification for my actions.... I live in the present and do things that immediately benefit those around me and myself. <== this I love. I never want to give this up. I just need to find a way to keep people who I care about in my "present" all the time. If I can hold them in my present, then I will be less likely to do stupid things like not talk to them for months, or cheat on them....

How do i keep them with me when they are half way around the world? There is a good chance asking the wrong questions, but I am a little lost and trying my best to find my way.

Thanks again,

Ben

 

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Hello Ben,

When it comes to relationships there's a word that goes with it - commitment. The way you described your situation reminds me of people who take their rings off before going out so they can be "fully present " with whoever at the bar. But how good that presence truely is? 

How can someone who as you say very important to you can "fade away"? and if they are... then it's probably for good. 

Depending on your situation  there's always a way of making a decision that can include all the important people in your life that you care about. It's called communication. No, it's not possible to always please everyone ,  but at least you will have less explanation to do. 

21 hours ago, bensarten said:


I have heard all about being "present" and how that is a great way to be free of depression and anxiety from worrying about the future or the past. I think I have this nailed without even trying,

It's good to read about other people's perspectives but please remember to decide with your own head that way the consequences of your "present " behavior may not look so complicated to you. 

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