TSap Mor

Narcissism

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Narcissism

Hi Tealers, 

Have you ever experienced narcissism or narcissistic abuse?

Since Teal is a victim of it I was weirded out when I read a comment saying: I have a narcissistic personality disorder, on the forum. 

So let's have a conversation :D

Thanks :)

T e s s  R o m p a s 

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my dad is one and yeah, they literally cant feel themselves lie, the words and actions look good, but yeah.. its all a calculated action, then when you catch on to the pattern its like well that sucks, ouch, they don't really love me they just will put this fake love spell on you to use you and get something out of you. The traumatized child wants love from him, but my higher self is like I'm the father now! I'm running this shit and can feel your bullshit, I'm not in the mind anymore hoping he loves me, no more manipulation. I've never seen his dark side, only heard stories, its like he's trying to preserve this nice guy image the same image I saw when I was a kid when he's around me, but then when there is another person around he changes into an entirely different person. he was/is also a compulsive liar and I went the other way and hate lies, I'm like I can feel vibes why the fuck to people lie? and I don't even call them out because they cant even feel their own emotions and manipulative thing they do, I would rather hear painful truth and have it be truth, than a happy lie and I can feel the bullshit under the happiness, its almost like you got something in your teeth kind of energy, like I notice this in you, but I wont say because its rude somehow, but I'm supposed to mirror other people.

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Dealt with a narcissistic person in my life as well.  Seems to be something of a pattern.  Not great.  Lots of pain.

It's a shame we all had to endure it, but for me, it taught me how to stand up for myself and that I need to have boundaries.  It's not a strong suit, but because I had a narcissist in my life, they taught me how to go about it when I know I need to fight for it.

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Researching this exact behavior is what lead me to Teal. I have learned so much, yet there is still lots that I'm hoping is the exception and not the rule. ? 

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Everyone struggles with narcissism, because narcissism is basically an ego gone unquestioned. It grows bigger until it becomes a monster.... Introspection helps  counteract this.

I've also had a narcissistic father, who told me to kill myself almost a year ago. That was emotionally the biggest wound, though he has physically abused me as well, blamed his divorce on me, called me names for no reason, and cheated on my mom after 25 years of marriage. I'm not entirely sure he hasn't sexually abused me as a child. I've had memories resurface that I'm not quite sure what to do with.

A true narcissist is not capable of seeing other people as being different from themselves. If I have an emotion that isn't his, I'm in trouble. If I'm upset and he's happy, I'm punished. If he's upset, everyone gets brought down to his level in order for him to show people how awful it feels. 

I still wonder if I'm a narcissist sometimes... Any form of self care feels selfish. Any sort of building myself up is followed by an immediate sense of shame. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. But it is getting better with time. I fluxuate between wanting to be strong to other people and wanting them to see my pain. It's bizarre.... there's nothing worse in this world than recovering from this sort of abuse.

I have dark thoughts, thoughts about him murdering me, forcing me to commit suicide... Not good things. I haven't fully figured out how I'm going to escape for good, but I know that I can't ever go back... ummm I should probably think about this, but for now I'm just trying to make it day by day :/ 

 

Edited by Tessa Rae
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2 hours ago, ste92k said:

Sounds like he is a covert narcissist. I'm at the end of a relationship with a covert one and had previously a relationship with an overt narc who was physically and emotionally abusive. But I'm telling you the covert ones are the worst! they're so sneaky and so passive aggressive that you can never be emotionally safe around them. And if you call them out on something they will deflect every single thing back to you and make you the crazy one and blame you. And by doing this it's like they train your brain to think it's your fault and especially if you had this pattern in childhood it's so familiar to you that you don't even question it much and believe you've done something bad.

I actually work with him so it's the worst. I think he wants to leave the relationship too but he has a fear of doing it too, he's probably looking for the next hooked person to jump onto them and leave me so he doesn't have to feel the fear of being alone.

yeah its painful, and now that I'm aware I can see his games and how he uses people, like you said they're relationships are like bridges and  they have multiple, its like god damn you're smart and they internalize all this and the person who they are is this built up character. say all the nice words press all the right buttons, and its all a part of the plan, its pretty crazy.

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