Sign in to follow this  
Rui Carlos

I am not able to do the CP by myself

12 posts in this topic

I am not able to do the CP by myself

I am trying to do the Completion Process. Over the months I´ve improved and realized my childhood made me hwo I am. Since I am not able to connect with people and  I have anxiety I realized it´s due to my childhood. My emotions were never validated.

Now I am trying to do the Completion Process but it´s not working. I can not acess my emotions and it´s painful when I try. My forehead feels numb and heavy. Also my back starts hurting. I am not able to focus or go into that pain. I feel confused too. I try so hard to picture a safe heaven that I had to make a drawing of the it so i could picture it.  it´s like there is something blocking me. I don´t know what to do.

last night I was trying it while I was laying on my back on my bed, after almost an hour ( iguess). I start having this experience were I was going deep into the dark and my vision became smaler everytime I went deeper. my heart start racing and I was so afraid and shaking. I tried to stay there but I was too much and I opened my eyes. when I came back to my conscious mind everything looked small like in my mind. it´s like  the things in front of me were meters away from me...very far. everything seemed so small. I used to feel that way when I was younger. I would be sleeping and when I would wake up and my sight would be like that. Or I would dream that I was seeing everything very small and I would wake up like that.  I thought I had a sight problem or something. that feeling was so frightening like  being insignificant. like being a dot in the vaste universe and I was becoming even smaller like disapearing.

I also saw an image that I think was a fetus. I think it was me and I was alone and unprotected in the dark. I tried puting it on a belly of someone I like but I hardly  was able to do it. 

I tried again this morning but I am not able to feel anything. I don´t know what to do.  Any recomendations?

Edited by Rui Carlos
  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If it makes you feel less alone, my attempts at the completion process have resulted in panic/alarm/super distraction right when I get to the communication with my baby self. I can get so close, and then it is like someone yelled "FIRE" or an alarm goes off and I physically jump up, panicked.  I will be using guided vids to help next and hope that works.  Good luck and hugs. :)

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

They are with other people, if I was better at vid editing, I would consider cutting and splicing. I have pressed stop, or had the volume low enough where i can hear prompts and try not to get distracted. . Good luck, safety and light be with you.

  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Something happened. I went to see a parede and I saw something. An alloy car had kind of a doll per say. for my astonishment that doll was a fetus. that fetus was exactly the same as the one I saw when I was trying to do the Completion Process.. when I saw it I felt like crying. I don´t know what that means.

then I met a girl I know. because I am a super anxious person I was triggered when I was talking to her. I came home.  I felt some tingling on my head, ears, arms and back. I tried to sit with those feelings but I couldn´t go any deeper into those feelings. 

I don´t know what kind of defense mechanism my subsconscious mind is using but I am constantly blocked. 

Edited by Rui Carlos

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know it was a mechanism so I could move on with my life. But now I want to understand that mechanism. I am at a point in my life where I feel paralized in every aspect. I also feel disassociated from my memories. when I am able to have one I can not go into first person perpective.

I tried again last night when I went to bed. I focused on the anguish I was feeling. I had some feelings that I was able to focus on. my head was heavy and there was something moving along my chest. but as I went deeper I would push myself out. I think I was doing that consciously because I wasn´t trusting want was going on completely.

Edited by Rui Carlos
  • Upvote 1

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I was triggered again but this time I felt anger. after siting with it came fear. as I was going deep and  my focus changed to something diferente.  I tried to go back to that feeling but  couldn´t. So I realized I was resisting myself. I had t go along with my focus. it´s one of my defense mechanisms - distracting myself.

so what I need to be doing is to go where my mind sends me. that is why teals says "sit with whatever feeling you are having". there is a reason mind subsconscious  mind is doing that - to protect me from that feeling because it was never ok to feel that way because that feeling was not validated. if you imagine the subsconscious mind as a kid he is trying to distract you from how he feels. so the key is to sit with it for as long as it takes over and over again until it feels vulnerable to talk to you (unconditional presence) until he can trust you enough. it´not ok to force a kid to talk until he is ready to talk. I see that now.

Edited by Rui Carlos
  • Upvote 3

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Yeah. I guess that´s the same as forcing or creating resistence. but you can try to do it anyway. I mean you can remember circunstances where you were triggered and be with whatever comes. just be there even if something else diferente from what you expect comes up. It´s about gaining your own trust I guess.

what I am trying to do before doing the completion process again is learning to let go...let go of resistence, I´ve noticed that during my daily routine my hands are tigh, the muscles of my face are tense and I do things that come out to be forced and unnatural. I´ll be trying to feel more light.

Edited by Rui Carlos

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Hello Riu Carlos and everyone. I have been doing a bunch of CPs for 2 months. Everything that was mentioned here I relate to as far as resistance. i started doing them in the bath! Awesome results. I guess I feel safe in there. Ended up going into a memory inutero. Which would make total sense! Super scary but I made it through the process and to my safe haven. Riu, how's it going? If I can help lmk I've done like 20 for many tough traumas of mine. Saved my life. 

Edited by Lunicorn
  • Upvote 2

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
Sign in to follow this