Ali

I am in a crisis and on the verge of giving up

9 posts in this topic

I am in a crisis and on the verge of giving up

Hi, some of you might have read my post about my obsessive thoughts.

Not only that, but I am currently massivly in debt, my relationship to my mother is not the best right now, I need to look out for a home to stay at, while I wait for therapy, and a friend of mine passed away a week ago.

Iam very stressed out and I feel like I could pop anytime. Living right now is hell to me. I have no place where I can feel save, and every thought I have is stressing me out. 
I just don't want to live like that anymore. I am on the verge of giving up, because I don't know if this is worth fighting for. I can't do the things I once enjoyed, because my mind is wandering all the time.
I don't even know what I want or what I want to do, really.

Can someone please help me? I don't know for how long I can stay like this.

I want to give the CP a shot, but neither do I have the money to pay a practicionor nor the book. So if someone reads this, please help me out. Since I live in germany, I would prefer a german practioner, but anything helps, really.

Edited by Ali

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Hi @Ali, do you have any community in germany? I feen very bad about your situation and i wish you talk to more n more people in your surroundings. And dont ever give up. Watch pursuit of happiness movie. It might give you courage. Talk to strangers...just yesterday, i had a nice talk with an insurance agent. I am jobless at the moment and she offered me to become an agent. It was a nice and comforting talk...although i was not interested in the job but the connection with her felt nice. I had been talking to some strangers lately after arriving in india to form a network...mainly seniors and elderly and they gave me a very nice grounding experience. If you are in trouble real bad...you can come to India or you can go to any of your friend's place. Focus on solutions

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Yes, that was quite an alarming post earlier and not happy to learn that you are not much better now. How do you feel now?

I remember that you made an appointment with a therapist like 2 months later. Aren't there more in your area where you can go and make an earlier appointment? Or perhaps call again and say that you are really not doing good at all? Don't be afraid to be a bit pushy.

On 20-2-2017 at 1:48 AM, Ali said:

I have no place where I can feel save, and every thought I have is stressing me out. 

What makes you feel unsafe exactly?

 

On 20-2-2017 at 1:48 AM, Ali said:

my relationship to my mother is not the best right now

Did you have a good talk with her?

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Hello folks. Yes I had a talk with my mother. She apologized for everything she said and did, but somehow I am not able to forgive, although I really, really want to. 
I just feel unsafe, because I am afraid of getting hurt again. I am afraid that I will have to do everything on my own, which I can't right now. I tried to push my therapist, but she couldn't offer me an earlier spot. So I guess, I will have to wait another month until I can get some resolve and clarity.

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On 25-2-2017 at 3:31 PM, Ali said:

Hello folks. Yes I had a talk with my mother. She apologized for everything she said and did, but somehow I am not able to forgive, although I really, really want to. 

It is awesome that you had that talk with her!! and also understandable that you cannot forgive her fully. Forgiveness is something that you need to give with your whole body and not just your mind. If you want to work with it, may i suggest some Teal videos: 'how to let go of resentment', 'how to let go of mistakes' and I personally like 'how to express your emotions' when I am angry at someone.

It feels a bit like you have lots of emotions bottled up inside and need to find a way of letting them go out. Everybody has a different way of doing this so try a few things: talk with a friend, write it down, get some colours and draw how you feel (i don't draw any picture just circles of colours that represent how I feel), hitting a pillow, doing sports, throw someting and even meditating.

On 25-2-2017 at 3:31 PM, Ali said:

I just feel unsafe, because I am afraid of getting hurt again. I am afraid that I will have to do everything on my own, which I can't right now. I tried to push my therapist, but she couldn't offer me an earlier spot. So I guess, I will have to wait another month until I can get some resolve and clarity.

Your mother is probably trying her best for you, in fact everybody is always trying his best but doesn't always fully understand the situation someone else is in and that can cause pain. Does she understand the situation that you are in?

It sucks that the therapist doesn't have an earlier spot. Are there any other therapists in the area? Even if you have to travel a bit for it?

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I rationally understand that she did her best, but there is a part of me, that does not understand and still feels hurt.
Sadly there's no therapist that could offer me something earlier. 
I will travel to my parents at thursday and see how I will feel. If everything goes well, fine. If I happen to not like it, I can leave anytime.
Can't tell how I will feel, until I've tried.

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On 28-2-2017 at 8:12 PM, Ali said:

I rationally understand that she did her best, but there is a part of me, that does not understand and still feels hurt.
Sadly there's no therapist that could offer me something earlier. 
I will travel to my parents at thursday and see how I will feel. If everything goes well, fine. If I happen to not like it, I can leave anytime.
Can't tell how I will feel, until I've tried.

Well at least you sound better than at the beginning of this thread :)

It is hard for me to give you solid advice because I don't really know your situation but at least you can always write your story down here and it will be read :) I truly hope you will have a good time with your parents or even better: a good talk. You think it is able to sit with your parents (during a meal perhaps) and talk about the past events without finger pointing? Just to try and see each other perspectives. A good starter might be: "mum, what would you do if you were in my shoes?" or "what would you do if you had my age again?" Something that starts a sincere talk.

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Hey, the weekend went quite well. I didnt talk much with my mother, but it wasn't really necessary.
I think I've come to the root cause of all of this: I don't really trust myself. That is why these intrusive thoughts about harming myself or others bother me so much. Because I don't trust myself to not do it. I am in a very desperate place now again, because I don't really know how to deal with this, and I also don't know if I can wait to the 28th of march, until I get help from my therapist.
Does anyone know, how I can build up more self-trust? I really need it.
Thank you all

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