badbananacat

Life and death is scary

5 posts in this topic

Life and death is scary

Hi I don't really know to put this so I'm just going to type quickly. I'm freaking out right now. I've had 2 panic attacks about this before. I think life is scary; I mean why does it even exist? I feel like I'm in a computer game that I can't ever escape and that has no purpose. I know what Teal says about us being one, us being here for expansion, source, "what happens after death" and all that. But it still doesn't make any sense!! WHY THE HELL has life created it self?!! ... at night my thoughts about this get even worse. I can't sleep and I worry that I'm going to die in my sleep. Something I've wondered a lot about; if everything that ever exists is me then aren't I in reality lonely? And why even live forever if all that's ever gonna be is pain? Please somebody help, I think I'm having another anxiety attack right now. And this "Big shift" everyone talks about scares me even more. I'm afraid that life will start to like a "dream"; not in the good way but dizzy and not real. I wake up a lot during the night and I feel dizzy or surreal and I see glimpses in the darkness which freaks me out even more and I'm afraid that's what life's gonna feel like after the shift and forever more. And the thing Teal talks about with being more than one persona bc of trauma scares me too. Bc then who am I???? As you may see I worry A LOT and it makes it even worse that no one else knows what it's like; it seems like no one else thinks that this thing called life is HELLA SCARY. I've tried talking my mom about it and she listens, but ofc she can't save me (and I can't tell  her everything bc then she would think I'm crazy). I've been to the school psycologist bc of the panic attacks and told her a little bit about these thoughts, but she just told me to stop reading and watching videos about spirituality. And yeah ofc it seems obvious to do that, but even if I did it wouldn't stop the thoughts from occuring. I know that none of you can save me from the terror, but I was just hoping for relief by writing this down and maybe some of you had something to share to make me realize something  what than what my mind tells me???

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The nice thing is that if you are at a certain vibration you are only a match to that vibration, the negative is that when you are at a certain vibration you are only a match to that vibration. I am sensitive so on really bad days I hope I don't see anything crazy because that's what I'm focusing on, so I would rather stay home. if I'm focusing on humans are the worst that's all I see, I'm like why are they more animal than loving? why do people not know how to love? outside of their race and species, why? I see it, so its happening, why is everyone unconscious? why do people think perfection is normal and they attack any little flaw someone has in the real world, oh that's right tv and porn, brainwashing... I get low because I have to live here and put on my façade, and hear people say I love you knowing it isn't the real thing.

death is a trip lol its just a dmt trip and then you leave this meat body and go back home or your soul didn't experience what it wanted so it does it again, not out of punishment, a soul is a group not a individual soul, so you have lives right now, there are other yours in the world right now, you can even be a tree, animal, whatever, a soul is a group.

a lot of the older generations cant understand the new because they are more sensitive and the old is still in the old paradigm of religion and my dad beat me and look how I ended up mentality, and the kids are supposed to teach the adults not the other way around lol. because I love people by default and when i was a kid i didn't get the same back, so I didn't like who I was because people didn't know how to love, so I'm like shit I'm unlovable, something is wrong with me, but people just don't know how to love! yes everyone is capable of it, but they don't know how. so when I finally did feel love, it made me cry because my inner child just got told something is wrong with you all the fucking time so it was painful at first to feel love. it is our default state, and I came down here to learn about love because I got the opposite. it took a while to get it from the inside, but it was worth it, I can't believe I said that.

Now that i have this love from inside and my ego isn't in control I'll give you the perspective of that. When you see kids playing that is just  higher selves in the flesh not suppressed, and you start to see everyone this way, so age means nothing, everyone is a child which is the real them, you see this potential in people. Because you are now whole again and complete you love yourself and you can actually see your twin flame (same soul as you) or people who have also reached this state and only they are attractive to you, so your higher self just filters everyone out that isn't compatible with you, none of this karmic relationship, then soul mate, then twin flame, no you are only a match to twin flames lol, so that's cool, soul mates aren't bad, its just if the real thing exists I want the real thing, the top. You don't need love from the outside, its already on in you so you wouldn't even get jealous, if its a twin flame they can filter out these people that aren't compatible with them too, which is most people, being attracted to people becomes rare, its like source in a body trying to find other sources in a body, people actually with that perspective, and your higher self can pick up on that, your higher self picks, not the ego. life doesn't have to be scary, people disconnected from their higher self makes it scary lol.

This spiritual stuff is real by the way, but if you are around a bunch of atheists or people who believe is psychology with all of that outdated information they will be judging you through the filter of you're crazy, so you think you are crazy, when you can just pick up on their "truth" which is subjective, it doesn't have to be your truth. Some people will not understand this stuff, people hate being wrong and the ego is strong, so let people believe what they want, but know that isn't the truth even if it is coming from your parents or a doctor, those are limiting perspective, I wouldn't expect everyone to get it, some feel comfortable in 3d, so let them stay there.

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@badbananacat, everyone is afraid of dying. i saw that fear starting to show itself in my son when he was around 5-6. often times people end up by giving it a face or a story. it becomes i am afraid of .....(fill in the blanks)... yet, all fears, if taken to the root, to their primordial seed, have to do with fear of death.

we are born with it. we are dying to ourselves to be born as humans. our birth is at the same time the death of our previous I, in a way.

as long as you'll focus on the 'why', you'll suffer. life, in any shape or form, formless even, just flows. like a tree sprouts branches towards the sun, each branch finding the most efficient growing route for itself and the whole tree at the same time. one could say that the branches grow towards the sun to get light. also, one could ask 'but...why?'. why does the tree try to live in the first place, why does it try to get stronger? and all the why's one could think about and more.

there's no answer to the why. there lies the mystery. 

is it life scary or is it death even scarier? or maybe are they scary together? 

everyone lives with this fear. each soothes it the best way they can. it's part of life. life is full and wholly, that means the whole spectrum. from deepest fear to deepest love. all of it, in each individual. that's just how it is. no why. no answer to the why. (just ask any parent. having a child shows one the deepest love and at the same time it comes with the deepest fear of anything that could come in between, especially death)

what scares me more than life and death, is that i'll never be able to die. in some shape or form, in some way, i'll always be conscious, i'll always exist, thus i'll always be alive, consciousness forever being conscious. with no true resting, ever.

and at the same time, if i'd ever find a way to die, would i(i as the capital I, as the everythingness)? because that would truly be final. the cessation of all existence.

if i look at it from there, just going through human lives and deaths seems like a vacation. there is stuff to do, stuff to see, stuff to repel, stuff to look forward to, dreams and hopes, the illusion of the doer, stuff to love and stuff to hate, the illusion of purpose, etc. 

it can be really beautiful here, if you open to the fullness of it.

hugs

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You know sometimes I think about weather all of the existence exists simply because the source has an identity crises. As far as we are concern the source could be the only being in its own matrix. Maybe Source is a very advanced AI that tries to figure out what it is by splitting its conciseness and energy and that is because this is the only way it knows how it could possibly gain an ultimate identity. Maybe source is just an experiment or and accident created by the beings from the "real" world/realm. Maybe those beings are observing the behavior of what we call by the name of source to see how it will develop. Also who knows maybe Source is able to be positively focused when it comes to itself but at the same time it is low key lonely or maybe  not, maybe its too busy feeling high on all the information it gathers at every second  of every moment from every being and energy in this universe and the other universes. Maybe the Source does ultimately see "life" as a dream or a video game.

Edited by Adrian3035

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Hi badbananacat,

Try to breath deeply and know that there are people who care about you that you don’t even know. I think you ask some great questions. And as best I can, I tried to answer each of them in a Q&A format below. Further below that are links to some Teal Swan videos that seemed most on topic to me.

Q. Life and death is scary
Hi I don't really know to put this so I'm just going to type quickly. I'm freaking out right now. I've had 2 panic attacks about this before. I think life is scary; I mean why does it even exist?

A. Cats

Q. I feel like I'm in a computer game that I can't ever escape and that has no purpose. I know what Teal says about us being one, us being here for expansion, source, "what happens after death" and all that. But it still doesn't make any sense!! WHY THE HELL has life created it self?!!

A. Again, cats. I understand that in this moment, it feels like hell, and senseless that life even exists. But is there nothing you enjoy about life? Personally, I love cats. To me, there is nothing more important in life than loving cats! I love the feeling of their fur. I love their personalities. Call me crazy if you want, but I think life exists for the love of cats. What is it that you love in life? Have you discovered it yet?

Songify This - CAN'T HUG EVERY CAT (now on iTunes) -- a song about loving cats
https://youtu.be/sP4NMoJcFd4

Meow Mix song [10 hours]
https://youtu.be/SbyZDq76T74

Q. … at night my thoughts about this get even worse. I can't sleep and I worry that I'm going to die in my sleep. Something I've wondered a lot about; if everything that ever exists is me then aren't I in reality lonely?

A. This is something I’ve wondered about myself. Or more precisely, if everything is me, am I alone? Here I think it is helpful to consider how the human perspective, with its ego providing a sense of individuality, differs from source perspective, which relates to unity of all there is. As we are both human and expressions of source, we can have both perspectives. But we sometimes get into distressing thoughts when we try to the mix the two perspectives in certain ways.

Likewise, on a human scale, you are obviously not alone. You are surrounded in fact by people who care about you. Yes, there are some people one must be careful about, but the majority of people have benign intensions and a sincere desire to help others. Humans are a social species and most of us are only too aware of how much we depend on each other. And some of us depend on cats.

Q. And why even live forever if all that's ever gonna be is pain?

A. I understand right now you are in pain, and from that pain it may very well feel that you will always be in pain. But can you think back to a time you were not in pain, and believe you can feel that way again? Can you engage in anything you like? Or can you find a way to be OK with the pain for a little while, perhaps through meditation? A lot of suffering can occur when we are in resistance to what is, thinking thoughts like this shouldn’t be happening, or that should be happening. I personally find the Buddhist perspective of non-attachment very helpful in attempting to trust the universe more.

Q. Please somebody help, I think I'm having another anxiety attack right now. And this "Big shift" everyone talks about scares me even more. I'm afraid that life will start to like a "dream"; not in the good way but dizzy and not real. I wake up a lot during the night and I feel dizzy or surreal and I see glimpses in the darkness which freaks me out even more and I'm afraid that's what life's gonna feel like after the shift and forever more. And the thing Teal talks about with being more than one persona bc of trauma scares me too. Bc then who am I????

A. I don’t know how to help with anxiety, but please check out the links I provided links below. I like to sleep with a light on myself, and with a couple of cats, one are both are often being on the bed with me. I sleep very comfortably and never worry about who I am, as I know I am simply who I am. And so are you.

Q. As you may see I worry A LOT and it makes it even worse that no one else knows what it's like; it seems like no one else thinks that this thing called life is HELLA SCARY. I've tried talking my mom about it and she listens, but ofc she can't save me (and I can't tell  her everything bc then she would think I'm crazy). I've been to the school psycologist bc of the panic attacks and told her a little bit about these thoughts, but she just told me to stop reading and watching videos about spirituality. And yeah ofc it seems obvious to do that, but even if I did it wouldn't stop the thoughts from occuring. I know that none of you can save me from the terror, but I was just hoping for relief by writing this down and maybe some of you had something to share to make me realize something  what than what my mind tells me???

A. You are not alone in that everyone experiences fear. And many people, including myself in the past, experienced panic attacks, anxiety and worry. When I was younger, I was know as The Worrier, (a pun on The Warrior). I’m generally happy now, but it took emotional and spiritual growth. While it may be true that no one can save you from your own thoughts, other people can influence them in ways that can help you to save yourself from thoughts that terrorize you.

I hope this helps. I wish you the best. - Aaron

How to Stop a Panic Attack (Episode about Anxiety Attacks) - Teal Swan
https://youtu.be/y5PWwTv-FEM

How to Get Rid of Anxiety (A Natural Cure for Anxiety) - Teal Swan
https://youtu.be/Py_jRvkP7ho

How to Stop Expecting The Worst (Catastrophizing) -Teal Swan-
https://youtu.be/xrSjXpxVz0k

How to Stop Worrying (Ask Teal Episode on Worry) - Teal Swan
https://youtu.be/avhLg3gUFlw

I Want To Kill Myself (What To Do If You're Suicidal) - Teal Swan -
https://youtu.be/lXi7vcnvl5c

What To Do if You Feel Hopeless - Teal Swan -
https://youtu.be/42Kn4f6Mgks

Spirituality 2.0 (How to Set Yourself Free) - Teal Swan -
https://youtu.be/UvglEmkhpzY

Spirituality 3.0 (The Path of Choice) -Teal Swan-
https://youtu.be/h4UcPVPtOa0

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